


Daddy Dearest

by LadyDidymus85



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Avengers (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint gets Phil high often, Death of Characters, GUSHY PHEELS, M/M, Marijuana, Nick Fury Is A Good Guy, Nick Fury has a heart in this one, Phil is giggly when high, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Parents, Protective Phil Coulson, Suicidal Thoughts, Widowers, bonding through death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-15 03:53:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 61,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyDidymus85/pseuds/LadyDidymus85
Summary: Clint and Phil are both widowers and single fathers to adorable little daughters. Through trial and error, a lot of love and laughter, they try to juggle both fatherhood and the work life. Will chance work for them and bring the closer together? Probably. Hopefully. Eventual Phlint. Rated M for language and adult situations. MANY GUSHY PHEELS! Avengers/AOS AU





	1. Chapter 1

Clint Barton never expected to be a widower at age 30, but cancer is evil like that. He grieved for Kate still two years later, but he had his daughter Natalie to take care of and cherish. He adored his baby girl and tried to spend every moment he could with her, which was hard being the only one bringing in money now but he made things work. 

Phil Coulson, also a widower; car wreck on a secluded icy road Christmas night two years ago; tried to raise his daughter Janie alone. It was a struggle, balancing work and home life, but he never let a challenge defeat him. 

The two men unknowingly passed each other every day while dropping their daughters off at school. Clint would be distracted after saying goodbye to Natalie for the school day, busy on his phone texting his office manager telling her he was on his way in now. Phil, after Janie’s usual tearful separation, would be talking on his phone with his supervisor. 

They would get into their separate vehicles and go different ways, just to unknowingly end up at the same office building five minutes apart. Clint arriving first because he was already running late and Melinda May, his boss, was slightly hard on tardiness. Sure, he always called to tell her he was coming, but lucky for him she understood his circumstances with Natalie and school. 

Phil’s long-time friendship with Nick Fury earned him the privilege of telling Nick to piss off whenever he harped about being late. Nick was more lenient with Phil than he was his other charges, and also was chosen as Janie’s godfather. He took on the role with a seriousness that Phil deeply appreciated. 

Three floors of office divisions separated them, Clint hard at work in accounting and Phil almost bored in customer support. Nick put him at the head of that division because Phil had a reputation for patience with people. 

A discrepancy in a customer’s payment file had Phil going down to accounting to speak with the rep who managed accounts. He looked around the buzzing office, multiple cubicles covered the wide floor. Phones rang and beeped, melting in with the voices of the employees. With a sigh, he looked at the file print out hoping for a name so he wouldn’t have to ask everyone as he passed. 

“Barton?” he called out to the floor, looking around. 

Off in the distance almost tucked into the farthest corner he saw a blond head pop up. “Who’s asking?” the man replied. 

Attitude, great. This was going to be fun! Phil sighed and started over to Clint, leaning on the outside portion of the cubicle as he gave him the papers. 

“I have a client whose credit card company has confirmation that her payment went through, but it doesn’t show on our records,” he said, giving Clint the print out. 

Clint sighed and took the paper, looking it over before pulling the information up on his computer. He groaned when he saw his error, letting out an annoyed breath. 

“Yep, I screwed up and put that it didn’t,” he admitted, knowing it was better to admit his mistakes rather than try to lie when it was right there in front of him for everyone to see. He grumbled, annoyed and angry at himself, and gave the paperwork back to Phil. “I’m sorry, Sir,”

Phil shook his head. “Human error is understandable and expected, so long as it’s not a technical issue. Just next time, double check your work,” he said then started away. 

Clint let out a relieved groan, he expected to be canned on the spot, and bent over onto his desk. After a moment the computer beeped and chirped at him because he landed on the keyboard and pressed too many keys at once. He sat up with a sigh and backspaced all the extra stuff before resuming his work, hoping to every deity that Melinda didn’t hear about his error and fire him. He needed this job to keep his home for his little girl. He cursed himself as he worked, not believing he made such an enormous error. 

Something like that risked losing a customer and if that happened, the big wigs up in the bosses would have a fit. 

################################################################

At lunch Clint took off to his usual spot, a little diner owned and operated by his best friend, and his daughter’s namesake, Natasha Romanoff. His mood brightened when he walked through the door and the aroma of Natasha’s recipes surrounded him. Most people cringed at strong spice aroma, but Clint and the regulars of the diner welcomed the comforting smell. 

He took a seat in a booth tucked in a corner, smiling as Darcy Lewis came up with his usual drink order. “So, your usual trough slop or something new?” she asked, her hip cocked and a grin on her face. Clint adored Darcy. 

“I’ve had kind of a bad day, so I need something comforting. Surprise me my queen of nourishment.”

Darcy snickered. “Damn right I’m a queen,” she replied then turned to the kitchen where their cook, James; dubbed Bucky by friends; was hard at work with his craft. 

Clint sighed when she was gone, his smile falling to a slight scowl as he looked out the window. He was still stressing over that morning’s error. He unfortunately was reprimanded by Melinda and naturally she was a bit harsh. For the first time in a while he felt like the uneducated hick everyone assumed he was. 

Sure, it took him forever to finish school and eventually get his GED, and his online college classes were absolute hell; especially being a newlywed and having a newborn. But, he pushed himself for his baby girl to give her a better life than he had.

He jolted out of his self-deprecation when he heard two hisses as the seat across from him depressed. He was surprised to see one of the major bosses with the man he met earlier that found his error. 

“Ah, hell,” he mumbled with a sigh. “This isn’t gonna end good for me, is it?”

Before either man could reply, Darcy came up and took their food and drink orders; wanting to come over and check on Clint because of the frown he kept shooting at everyone. When she disappeared again, they put their attention back on Clint. 

Phil sighed after a minute, folding his hands together on the tabletop. “So, about earlier,” he started, his tone calm; which worried Clint more. Butterflies fluttered in his gut as he squirmed uncomfortably. 

“I’m truly sorry about that,” he put in quickly, knowing he was about to be fired. He could hopefully beg Natasha for a busboy job. “I honestly don’t know how it happened and I promise it will never happen again. I’ll check everything fifty times before I submit anything, I swear.”

“Calm down, you’re spinning like a damn junkie,” Nick told him with a slight huff. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again. 

Phil sighed as Darcy brought drinks over. “I’m actually the one who owes you an apology. I shouldn’t have approached you so publicly about it, I realize that was probably embarrassing for you to be called out in front of everyone. I didn’t take that into consideration first and I’m sorry about that.”

“You’re a wuss, Coulson.” Nick snickered. 

Phil rolled his eyes, still looking at Clint. “And he’s an asshole but you’ll get used to him.”

Clint looked at them confused and more than worried. “So, what brings you here?”

Phil smiled at him; Clint knew immediately he was in trouble and wanted to bolt out the door. “We come here regularly, just spotted you tucked and hidden over here so we decided to join you for lunch. Noticed you plenty of times before but never knew you worked with us.”

He groaned relieved when he wasn’t fired, his head hitting the table with a loud thunk. Phil frowned at him, Nick just shook his head. “What, you think you were gonna get thrown to the street because one overlook?” he asked, his one unobstructed brow up curiously. 

“Melinda reamed my ass and gave me the what for; so I’m kinda worried yeah.” Clint sat up again and rubbed a hand down his face. “If I get fired I’m really screwed, I have a kid and I’m a single parent.”

Nick’s expression softened a little bit and he turned to Phil, asking a silent question. Phil looked over Clint for a minute, making him nervous again, then nodded at Nick. 

“How skilled are you at a receptionist position?” Nick asked. 

Clint shrugged and shook his head. “Figure it’s easy, run errands, answer the phone, file paperwork and shit like that. Can’t be harder than accounting, don’t have to go to school for it that I know of, right?”

“I’m needing a receptionist, I’ve had to let mine go because she wasn’t doing her job; she was more concerned with using company time and money to fund her wedding. I need someone honest and you’ve already shown that with admitting to your mistake this morning,” Phil told him with a smile.   
There was the butterflies again, but this time they felt different. More fluttery and light. It took Clint by surprise, but he shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal to be offered a different position in the company. 

“I can certainly try to help you, I mean I’ll do my honest best and see where it goes.”

By then the food arrived, distracting Clint from the butterflies. He figured it was just him being nervous and afraid of being fired. The three sat together and ate, making light conversation with each other. Clint was surprised that Nick laughed and was being so friendly, he had a reputation for being a hardass. 

The closeness between Phil and Nick made Clint assume they were more than just friends. He would later be reminded that assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups. 

################################################################

Finally, at half past three school let out. Clint took a time out to go pick her up, again curious when Phil came along to leave for his own errand. They separated to their vehicles in the parking garage and left the office to collect their daughters. 

Clint went to the left, wanting the quickest route. Phil turned right, not knowing about the short cuts that would avoid the bulk of the traffic. Clint again arrived before Phil and got out of his car to collect Natalie from the group in the gym. 

Natalie spotted him when he came in and stood to go to him, upset and almost in tears because her teacher spent the day getting onto her for just about everything she did. She wanted her Daddy. 

“Natalie, I said sit down and be quiet!” Ms. Parker shouted across the gym at her harshly. Natalie immediately went down and sat on her knees, giving over to her tears. 

“Excuse me, the fuck you think you’re doing yelling at my daughter like that?” Clint spat, turning to the woman furious. He was viciously defensive of his baby girl. “She saw me so she was coming over to me.”

He went to Natalie and scooped her up into his arms. Ms. Parker came over in a huff, crossing her arms. “She’s been very disobedient and disruptive today, she received multiple red marks for her behavior.”

Clint glared at her, cuddling Natalie protectively. “You are not allowed to ever yell at my daughter like she’s a goddamn dog,” he huffed and pushed past her. “Outta the way, Yoko Ono; go screech at Paul and George.”

She stared at him dumbly, her jaw slacked in shock. 

He stopped in the hallway and sat on a bench, putting Natalie up on his knee to get her calmed down before leaving. While he hugged and rocked Natalie, shushing her gently and kissing away her tears, someone sat down beside him. 

“Third time’s a charm, they say,” the man started. Clint looked up, surprised to see Phil again. “But, I’ve always believed meeting three times in the same day when we weren’t even aware each other existed is something of chance or maybe even fate.”

Clint huffed a quiet laugh. “Gotta be love,” he joked, smiling weakly. 

Phil chuckled, helping Janie put on her jacket. “I overheard what happened, Ms. Parker has a reputation for being hard on the kids. She hones in on something different about each kid and taunts them; I had to have Janie moved when she kept making awful remarks to her about my late wife.”

“Oh, my God that’s awful,” Clint replied dumbfounded. “I’d kick that bitch’s ass if I caught her off school property.”  
He nodded, fluffing Janie’s long black locks out of the back of her jacket. Clint smiled when the two signed at each other, then he noticed Janie’s hearing aids. 

“Probably none of my business, but I volunteer with an ASL class on Thursdays down at the civic center. I’m deaf as a post. You two should come join us.”

Phil’s smile grew as he told Janie about the classes; they were both still struggling to learn how to sign properly. “That would be great,” he told Clint, turning to him again. “Thank you, and no you didn’t overstep offering something so helpful to both of us.”

With that, they stood; girls on their hips; and started to leave, making plans for the ASL classes and discussing a little bit of work business that needed to be finished before the day was done. When they separated to their vehicles, Phil chose to follow Clint this time knowing they were going to the same place. He offered to let Natalie come into his office with him and Janie to play, feeling she might be a little too upset to get too far away from Clint and be down in the office’s day care center. 

Clint hoped the seemingly decent friendship he and Phil were growing would be something good for him and his baby girl. They both needed friends in their lives.


	2. Chapter 2

Throughout the week Clint and Phil met at the school in the mornings with their girls, Clint would now wait with Natalie in the front courtyard for Phil to arrive so they could walk the girls to their classrooms together. He wanted to have Natalie switched to the other Kindergarten class where Janie was so Natalie would be away from her awful teacher, but the process was slow. He knew that if he had money to threaten to sue the schoolboard for Ms. Parker’s actions it wouldn’t be taking forever. So, to keep him from punching the woman like he wanted, Phil went to Natalie’s classroom with them. 

Ms. Parker learned to keep her mouth shut around Phil. 

After seeing the girls off, they got to the office. Clint was glad to be out of the accounting offices, he hated being around so many people and worked better alone. He settled into his new position easily and worked more efficient for Phil than his former receptionist. Phil was careful not to call Clint his secretary, which made Clint laugh. He wouldn’t mind that title, it brought in money for his daughter, but receptionist was more unisex. 

During a slow crawl mid-morning, Phil called Clint into his office. Clint went in, feeling nervous because surely he wasn’t about to get fired after not even a full week, and looked around. He saw Phil at his desk, suit jacket off and sleeves rolled up; instantly curious about the leather little cuff on Phil’s left forearm. 

“What’s up, Boss?” he asked, taking a seat. 

Phil typed out a quick note to Nick then turned to Clint with a smile, leaning back in his chair; signaling to Clint that he could relax and slouch a little bit. Clint didn’t realize his shoulders were so tight and drawn up to his ears until they dropped as he sighed and relaxed. 

“Well, I figure since we barely know each other and we’re gonna be working together, you know,” he replied with a shrug, surprising Clint when he lifted and put his feet up on the edge of the desk. “Relax, get comfortable and slouch a little bit; you look like a pod person sitting there so ram rod straight.”

Clint huffed a laugh and slouched in the chair, hooking his ankles together in front of him. “Better?” he asked. 

Phil nodded, smiling. “Now you look human,” he teased, getting another laugh. “So, tell me about yourself, Clint. What makes you so highly regarded I saw in your personnel files that you don’t need to be wasting away in Accounting?”

He shrugged and shook his head. “I really have no idea,” he snorted, grinning. “I’m nothing special, just a regular 32-year-old guy. Lost my wife to cancer two years ago and I have my baby girl I gotta take care of and get raised right. Got married young, barely twenty each, seven years later my little Nattie came along.”

Phil gave another nod, not noticing the curious look Clint gave him when he flexed and rolled his left arm. “Decent childhood, shitty, or kinda rough but tolerable with the parents?”

Clint rolled his eyes and snorted again, huffing quietly. “Fucking horrible,” he replied shaking his head. “Parents died when I was a runt, brother and me got sent to foster care, ran away ‘cause they were assholes, got picked up by the friggin circus- I’m serious about that, we ran away to the actual circus.”

He stopped when Phil chuckled, giving his own quiet laugh. 

“I honestly believe you’re being totally serious about that but I would totally expect you to just be messing with me.”

Clint shook his head and pulled out his phone, bringing up an old picture of one of his headlining poster advertisements, then passed it to Phil. “That’s me when I was about thirteen. They gave me a bow and arrows, I was a natural.”

“You were not Hawkeye!” Phil laughed happily, giving one of the rare full belly laughs. “Holy shit, Clint. Oh, you would’ve loved my wife Audrey. She loved the circus and collected all this stuff. She had that same poster ad; once asked me to dress up in a Hawkeye costume in bed.”

Clint belted a loud laugh, snorting as he doubled over his lap embarrassed. “Oh, my God I’m so sorry, but holy shit Phil. I’ve never known any woman who liked me like that.” 

When they calmed, both wiping laughter tears out of their eyes, they smiled at each other for a moment. “Your turn now,” Clint told him. “Gimme all your dirty little secrets.”

Phil let out a calming breath and shrugged. 

“Normal family growing up, except my dad died when I was five. One stupid ass brother, I mean that in the nicest way possible, couple nephews. Met Audrey about ten years before we got together and got married, she was only eighteen and I was almost thirty. Her parents didn’t appreciate that but I at least waited until she was legally an adult before I swooned her. Then my baby Jane came along, actually named her after one of my friends. Then Christmas came when she had just turned three, leaving my mother’s house we hit some black ice. Audrey wouldn’t wear her damn seat belt.”

Clint frowned, remembering the accident that took his mother away from him. He despised his father, but his mother was an angel. 

“I like you a lot, Clint,” Phil told him, his head dipped to the side as he smiled through his personal heartache. Clint recognized the pain, he saw it in his own eyes whenever he could bring himself to look at a mirror. “I want us to be friends, shared life experiences even though it’s not exactly the same in every aspect; we can lean on each other when shit gets rough.”

He nodded slightly, fidgeting. “I can definitely use more friends, only have my Nats usually.”

“Is that Nattie’s nickname or something?”

Clint smiled and shook his head. “No, another way we’re alike; I named her after my best friend Natasha, she owns Ryker’s Diner ya know?”

“Oh yes, the terrifying Russian Redhead,” he smiled again, though terribly weak. “I just love her to pieces, especially when someone comes in starting shit with her. She gets all Russian-y and yells at them with a knife. I bet she was an assassin in a former life.”

He checked his watch, giving his left arm another careful roll. “Speaking of the Redheaded Harbinger of Death, wanna do lunch with me?’

Clint shrugged. “Sure, I was gonna go up there anyways, Mack’s in the kitchen today so that means fresh butter rolls.”

“Yes!” Phil said enthusiastically, making Clint laugh again. “Yummy little bastards are gonna be the death of me one of these days.”

After he closed down his work station, they stood; Phil stopped at Clint’s desk to let him shut down everything before they left. “I’ll drive if you wanna carpool,”

Clint nodded, following him to the elevator to go to the parking garage. When he sat down in Phil’s car, the first thing he did was put on his seat belt; before he even reached to close the door. He usually wouldn’t unless he had Natalie in the car with him, wanting to teach her safe habits, but he just felt he needed to wear it with Phil. He did not want to upset Phil by making him remember his wife’s death. 

Phil noticed immediately and smiled at him. “Yeah, that’s become a big thing with me so thank you for doing it without me having to say anything. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ragged Nick about it.”

“Honestly, I need to get a better habit of it ‘cause when I don’t have Nattie I kinda don’t put it on. I just figured since, ya know. I can deal with the annoyance for you to not stress.”

Phil reached over and took Clint’s hand, giving it a friendly squeeze as he pulled out of the parking spot and left the garage. “Yeah, but seriously, thank you. It’s gotten to the point that it’s scary seeing someone without it.”

They made light conversation on the way to the diner. Clint knew the instant he walked in with Phil for lunch, Darcy and the girls would immediately start harassing him and catcalling at him. He tried not to blush as he led Phil to his regular table in the back, snickering and giggling quietly. 

He loved Darcy and the girls, Daisy and Jemma; but sometimes they liked to tease him too much. 

As they sat down, Darcy came over and planted herself next to Clint with a smile. He rolled his eyes, smiling, and shook his head at her grin. 

“You’re horrible, Darcy Doll,” he told her. “But, I love ya,”

“So twice now you two have eaten together here, even came all week but at different times. Did you know you both ordered the same thing every day, too?”

“He’s my boss, twit,” Clint laughed at her, nudging her with his shoulder. “Besides, I seriously doubt both of us are into guys.”

They didn’t notice that Phil’s brow shot up curiously as he looked over the menu. He knew everything on the menu and never actually ordered from it anymore; but he wanted something to cover his eavesdropping with the two across the table. 

“My Bi-Dar is screaming right how, Jem,” Daisy teased as she cleaned a table. 

“Oh, yes,” the other woman replied smiling at the three at the table. “It’s such a loud siren blaring in my ears.”

“I was married to a woman for ten years!” Clint laughed loud. 

Darcy grinned at him again. “Bi means you like both, Clint,” she stage whispered to him, cocking her head comically toward Phil. “Yes!”

Clint flicked a straw wrapper at her as she stood and went to the kitchen to send their usual orders in to Mack, making her laugh as it hit and ricocheted off her glasses. He shook his head as he turned back to Phil, grinning innocently. 

“Sorry about that, they’re friggin batty with me; always trying to hook me up with someone.”

“You’re too cute to be single.” Jemma singsonged as she passed, bopping Clint’s head with her pencil playfully. 

Phil shook his head, giving a weak smile. “It doesn’t bother you, considering everything?”

He shrugged, flicking a sweetener packet at Darcy when she brought their drinks. “Nah, I know they’re just goofing on me; they aren’t totally serious. They know where the boundaries are with it and they won’t overstep anything.”

Phil nodded slightly. “So, it’s just friendly jabbing then.”

“Yep,” Clint replied, holding his chin in his hand and grinning at Phil. “But I’d totally go for you if you were into guys at all.” 

Phil couldn’t help laughing when Clint gave a playful wink and made a kissy face at him. It was so easy to laugh and let go with Clint and he hoped they would build a good friendship. 

################################################################

That night after work, Clint got Natalie fed and bathed before going over her sight words and letters with her. Every night they worked on improving her skills at recognizing letters and numbers, Clint always found a way to make it fun for her to learn. 

When she started getting tired, Clint readied her for bed; sending her off to brush her teeth again. He probably shouldn’t have had a lollipop as a reward for good work but he was unable to resist the Dimples of Doom whenever Natalie smiled at him. 

While she finished in the bathroom, Clint arranged her massive mountain of stuffed animals so she could get in bed; making sure her glow worm was on her pillow as she came in and climbed into the middle of the pile. 

He snugged the blanket around her and gave her a kiss before he stood and fluffed the stuffed animals along the wall beside her. 

“Don’t forget to check for the closet monster, Daddy,” she told him, her little voice almost afraid. He gave her a smile and another kiss before he went to the closet to check and ease her fears. 

He almost screamed when their dog Lucky bounded out at him; terrifying him and making Natalie laugh happily. “Oh, you little turd!” Clint laughed as he closed the closet door and turned back to his baby girl. Natalie giggled and squirmed, squealing when her rushed her and tickled her. 

After a minute he stopped and settled her, still smiling as he brushed her hair off her face and kissed her again. “I love you, Babygirl,” he told her, caressing her face. “Don’t ever ever ever forget that, alright? I love you with my entire heart and soul.”

Natalie smiled tiredly at him. “Love you too, Daddy,” she replied through a yawn. 

With a few more kisses, Clint stood and turned off her light as he stepped out of her bedroom; letting Lucky go back in before pulling the door, leaving it cracked for her to see the bathroom light down the hall. He sighed tiredly as he went to his room to start his nightly rituals for bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil cooked dinner for Janie and himself, listening as Janie and her nanny worked on homework at the kitchen table. Usually Gloria would cook but Janie wanted grilled cheese sandwiches and Phil’s homemade tomato soup for dinner. She would only eat it the way Phil made it; otherwise she wasn’t a too picky eater. 

While he let the tomatoes simmer in a skillet, he went to the dining room to check on her. He couldn’t help smiling when he heard her laughter. 

“Hey, Shortstack, you want anything special with your soup?” he asked as he leaned in the doorway. 

“The blood of cherries,” she replied. 

Phil snorted and shook his head. “Can’t you just once say cherry juice?” he laughed. “Your Uncle Nick is horrible.”

Janie giggled, putting away her homework before standing and following Phil to the kitchen. “But, he’s funny.”

Phil pulled out a little step stool for her to stand on and watch as he made the soup. She always wanted to watch him cook, but as a rule she had to have her homework done first. He couldn’t help smiling when she laid her head on his shoulder and hugged her arms around his bicep as he worked. 

When everything was done, she helped take the sandwiches to the table; gripping her cup carefully in her mouth by the rubber spout. Phil carried the three bowls of soup on a tray. He wasn’t surprised to see Gloria on her phone texting instead of helping, she only did the bare minimum of her duties. But, she was the only one Phil could afford right now so he was stuck with her. 

As he put a bowl of soup in front of her, she finally stirred from her phone; but instead of getting ready to eat, she gathered her stuff ready to leave. 

“I gotta take off, I’ll be back tomorrow evening.”

Phil sighed at her resisting the urge to roll his eyes as she stood and walked away. 

“She’s not very good, is she Daddy?” Janie asked, looking over at the doorway where Gloria disappeared. 

Phil shushed her gently, not wanting her to pick up the habit of talking bad about other people. “That’s not very nice, Baby,” he told her. “She helps you and does her job, she isn’t mean or anything to you and she does have her own home so she can go whenever she wants.” 

“Yeah, but we make her dinner every night and she never wants to stay to eat with us. But, she won’t tell us she isn’t staying.”

He shrugged. “Well, I’m still going to be polite and make her a plate of food even if she doesn’t stay to eat with us because I want her to know she’s always invited to stay with us if she wants. It’s part of being an adult, we’re nice to everyone.”

Janie just shrugged as she ate, not understanding why Phil would be nice to someone she saw as being so blatantly rude to him. 

After dinner and a bath, Janie joined Phil on the couch to watch a movie before bed. She usually started falling asleep after only an hour of watching, tucked beside Phil on the couch under a blanket. She didn’t know about the Bedtime Bath body wash Phil used on her during bath time, it was something Phil had come to cherish. Without his little trick, Janie would be up late and grumpy the next morning when she had to wake for school.  
When she was sleeping, he stood with her carefully and took her to her room; laying her in her bed and bundling her before easing her hearing aids out and putting them on her little nightstand before kissing her forehead and leaving the room. 

He changed into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt before going back to the living room. As he settled and changed the channel to a more adult oriented movie, he heard his phone buzz on the coffee table. He sighed as he reached over and picked it up, expecting Nick or Melinda to be harassing him. 

Reading the text, it took him a moment to realize it was from Clint. 

‘u awake?’

‘Yeah, what’s up?’ He didn’t remember giving Clint his phone number, but he could have. He wasn’t exactly stingy with his business cards. 

‘I can’t sleep and I’m so tired.’

Phil laughed and shook his head, clearly hearing that little whine Clint gave when he was exhausted. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’

‘Oh haha, yes actually I have. I’m worried about Nattie and that goddamn teacher. I’m afraid she’s gonna physically hurt my daughter and that principal won’t do shit about it.’

‘Bitch better not even think of touching Nattie or you’ll have to get there before me ‘cause I will tear her ass up. I swear to God I’ll break her goddamn neck.’

‘If I could afford to stay home a couple days I’d keep her out of school tomorrow and Thursday, but I need the paycheck.’ 

‘She’s more than welcome to hang out in my office with me for two days, you know that,’

‘I know but you’re my boss, not my babysitter. I wouldn’t feel right asking.’ 

Phil smiled and shook his head. ‘I’m offering, Clint. I don’t like the thought of her being there with that bitch being mean to her and all the other kids. Hell, if you want to take legal action against her, I can help there too.’

‘Well, I dunno about all that but I definitely plan on telling the school board I’m gonna take action against them if they don’t move her. I mean, you saw her today and she let you hug her when she was upset. That never happens unless she really likes someone.’ 

‘It’s the Daddy in me, can’t stand seeing a baby girl so upset. How’s she doing now anyways?’

‘She wasn’t able to leave my side since we got home, had to order out for dinner ‘cause she wouldn’t let go so I could cook. She kept saying she wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know if you were busy with Janie. Finally got her in bed ten minutes ago.’

Phil frowned at the screen and sighed quietly. ‘Bring her tomorrow and we’ll figure something out together. I’ll keep Janie out so they can play together.’

‘Nattie isn’t very good at signing yet, she knows a little bit and is still learning.’

‘She only signs in public places ‘cause it’s more difficult for her to hear; school is the worst, she’s a chatterbox when she’s in a good mood, she’ll be fine.’

‘Alright, we’ll be there actually on time tomorrow. Little runt will like getting a break.’

‘Good, I’ll remember to grab some breakfast for everyone.’

‘Sounds good, thanks for staying up so late with me and I’m sorry if you don’t get enough sleep ‘cause of me.’ 

Phil snorted a laugh. ‘I’ll be fine, it’s only eight. Sweet dreams, Clint; go back to counting sheep,’

He put his phone down and let out a sigh as he resumed the movie. 

################################################################

Clint arrived before Phil, surprised that he wasn’t there yet. He shrugged and sat down at his desk, putting Natalie on the edge in front of him so he could get his computer booted up and ready. 

While he got everything ready for the workday he heard the elevator stop and open, smiling when Phil’s voice filtered out. 

“No, Maisy dammit, this isn’t for you,” his voice was followed by Janie’s giggle as they got off the elevator with her service dog; Phil was trying to keep the dog from taking the food in his hands. 

Clint laughed as he stood to help, taking two of the food boxes from the top of the stack. “What’s with the furball?” he asked, getting Natalie and following Phil and Janie into the office. 

“Service dog,” Phil replied, setting up the food containers on his desk for everyone to eat together. “She’s gotta come with her here ‘cause it’s more difficult for her to hear everything, and it makes Nick not stress so much on her.”

Clint sat down after settling Natalie. “I have one too, he stays at home when I’m here though; I got Tony Stark to help me get some good hearing aids actually last year. Maybe he can develop some for Janie, too,”

He shrugged, nudging Maisy away again. “I dunno, I really don’t know him and I’ve heard he’s kinda stuck on himself.”

“Get to know Pepper first, that’s what I did; charmed her with Lucky really. Tony does what she says ‘cause I think he’s afraid of her or something.”

Phil nodded thoughtfully, watching Janie and Natalie as they giggled and talked as they ate. He couldn’t help smiling at the girls, they were quick to make friends with each other after Clint started working under Phil and he was relieved. He knew Janie struggled to make friends because of her hearing issues, but with Natalie already knowing about the deaf community she found an almost instant best friend. 

Clint noticed his silence and followed his gaze, smiling at the girls. He smiled instantly, shaking his head when he saw that Natalie had again stuck the end of her straw over her front tooth. He didn’t know why she did it with every straw she ever touched, but it made her laugh so he wasn’t going to stop her from doing it yet. She did take it off when she spoke to Janie so she could understand her better though and have an unobstructed view of her mouth. 

They were both surprised by a sudden camera flash and looked over to see Nick putting his phone away, smiling at them. 

“So, when you two softies get done going all mushy on me, we need to discuss a major new client that came in late last night.”

Phil was surprised. “You got a contract from Hammond?” he asked, his eyes a little wide. “Seriously?”

Nick nodded, grinning as he sat in the empty seat; surprising Clint with a plop of his hand on his knee. “Sweet talker here wooed Monique with that damn smile of his.”

Phil turned to Clint, snorting a laugh. “How the hell did you charm one of the wealthiest women in the world in only ten seconds?”

He shook his head cluelessly and shrugged. “I just said hi and smiled being friendly,” he laughed. “What did she say about me?”

“She wants to send you her underwear,” Nick whispered, grinning. Phil almost choked on a laugh, wiping spilled coffee off his desk with a napkin. Clint chuckled and shook his head, blushing embarrassed. 

“No, but seriously, she said you were cute and if we employ someone so good looking it must be worth her money to buy a security system from us.”

Clint rolled his eyes smiling. “All due respect, Sir, but you’re kind of a dick,” he joked, getting another laugh from Nick. 

Nick didn’t let very many people joke around with him like that, usually just Phil and his wife Melinda. But, he could see the budding friendship between Phil and Clint. He figured if Phil let someone into his life with Janie, Clint wasn’t a terrible person. 

“Phil, I like this one. He’s a keeper.”

Phil nodded, giving Clint a smile. “I told you, single parents are the hardest working and most honest employees. We’ll do anything to be able to make money for our kids.”

“Speaking of, Mel’s mother is coming in for the weekend,” he paused with a roll of his one exposed eye, making Phil laugh. “Bringing the sister’s kids, I dunno what for; woman won’t speak English around me. But, let’s set them and both your girls up for a play date or some shit. Get together in the yard and have a few beers to make up for all the estrogen I’m gonna suffer through.”

He nodded and wrote a reminder in his desk calendar then turned back to watching the girls while Nick talked with Clint, getting a little more of his background. Nick liked knowing about his employees lives, it kept the comradery and friendships up so nobody had any enemies in the company. 

Nick wanted his company to be peaceful and friendly.


	4. Chapter 4

Clint was surprised to get an invitation to a cook-out at Nick and Melinda’s house one Saturday afternoon. He didn’t have much experience in friendly gatherings and begged Phil to come over and help him decide what to wear. Phil obliged with a laugh, he would’ve had to go to Clint’s house and pick him and Natalie up anyways because Clint didn’t know how to get to Nick and Melinda’s house. 

When he came in, always having the invite to just walk in because half the time Clint wouldn’t hear anyone knock, he sent Clint to shower. He had purple and pink dye powder in his hair from playing make-up with Natalie. While Clint showered, Phil got in the floor with the girls in the living room to play. 

After the water in the bathroom started, Natalie turned to Phil and began an almost interrogation; learning from Natasha not to trust just anyone with Clint’s heart. She was just five years old and didn’t know the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship yet. 

“Do you love my daddy?” she asked. 

Phil snorted a laugh, not expecting the question at all. He was surprised a five-year-old would think about that kind of thing. 

“He’s a very good friend and sometimes friends tell each other they love them.”

Natalie nodded, giving him a look she also learned from Natasha. He stared her down, smiling and fighting laughter, expecting to be threatened with extreme pain or bodily harm. 

“Are you gonna kiss him?”

He couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped. “Why would I kiss your daddy?”

She shrugged and shook her head. “When you like someone, you kiss them a lot. But, not like how Daddy kisses me; you kiss and lick a bunch.”

Phil was nearly doubled over snorting and snickering, getting an odd look from Janie. She wasn’t wearing her hearing aids at the moment and didn’t know what was going on with him. 

“No, Babygirl, I don’t think I’ll be kissing your daddy like that.”

“Well, why not?” she asked. “I saw him kiss boys before, he didn’t lick them but he kissed them.”

Thankfully Clint came out of the bathroom then, dry and in a pair of underwear. “Ready when you are,” he told Phil then turned back to go to his bedroom. Phil stood and followed quickly, embarrassed. 

He waited until Clint put in his own hearing aids before he spoke. “Oh, my God Nattie friggin had me in there rolling. She asked me if we were gonna kiss, then went on about how adults kiss and lick each other. I almost died, seriously.”

Clint huffed a laugh and poked his head out the bedroom door. “Nattie you turd!” he called to his daughter, smiling. 

“I didn’t do it!” she called back with a giggle. 

“Didn’t say you did, but you’re still a little turd!” He turned back to Phil when she laughed again and shook his head. “She walked in on me once after I brought home a date, we were just gonna have a couple drinks and a movie. Of course, she woke up, I didn’t hear her. She walked in when I kissed him. Hasn’t forgotten it.”

Phil smiled and shook his head, rejecting a pair of tan cargo shorts Clint pulled out of a drawer. “Nobody looks good in those except douchebags in white tank shirts,” he told him, going to the closet to see what Clint had to work with. 

“Only real like party I’ve ever been to is bonfires with the circus. Just wore whatever fit, couldn’t even promise it was clean.”

He nodded, looking through the clothes. Clint didn’t have much, and what he did have wasn’t anything too impressive; except his rack of suits for work. After three attempts at finding something, Phil sighed and put his hands on his hips. 

“Well damn,” he mumbled. “You need to either take a needle and thread to everything in here or use it for oil rags ‘cause all the bleach splatters, Clint.”

Clint cringed, leaning in the closet doorway. 

“Yeah, between getting clothes for work and making sure Nattie has everything she needs, my own stuff gets worn ‘til it’s holey and so threadbare it eventually just falls off while I’m wearing it. All the bleach was actually some crazy chick I tried to date, right after Kate died so I was stupid and didn’t know any better. She got jealous of Nattie and took a huge jug of bleach to my stuff. Only time I’ve ever sucker punched a woman, she started going to Nattie’s room with it.”

“Jesus, Clint,” Phil huffed shocked. He looked at the clothes again and shook his head. “Hang out with the girls, let me run back to the house. I have something that’ll fit you and look good.”

Clint tried to decline his offer, he had the cargo shorts and a tank top he could wear, but Phil bopped him playfully; smiling. “Just be good and listen, Clint.”

He sighed as Phil disappeared then put on a raggy shirt to go sit with the girls. He plopped on the couch with Lucky, sighing, then turned and looked at the girls; seeing them playing together quietly and signing back and forth. 

Phil went home, his mind still overplaying the questions from Natalie. He wasn’t surprised when she and Clint both said he kissed another man, Clint told him that he experimented a lot while in the circus; but he didn’t want a definite label on whatever orientation he was. He didn’t even know himself yet. 

But, the thought of kissing Clint…he had to shake that thought out of his head quickly. Clint was a coworker and more importantly under his direct employ. He couldn’t be thinking about kissing him. He had to admit he had his own curiosities about the man in the three months they were working together. 

He hurried into the house and up to his bedroom, going to his closet and looking through his clothes. He grabbed a pair of jeans that were a little tight on him, Clint’s waist was a little slimmer than his, and a t-shirt that would definitely show off Clint’s muscled chest and arms. 

He was already back in the car and down the road too far to turn back and grab a looser shirt when he realized he had that thought. He groaned at himself and shook the inappropriate thoughts away again. 

When he got back to Clint’s house, he smiled at the three in the floor. “Alright, go put this on and fix your hair up good.”  
Clint stood and took the clothes, shaking the scraps of construction paper off his boxers before going to get dressed. Phil almost smacked himself when he caught himself eyeing Clint’s ass as he went. 

“Jesus Christ, kid’s got to you,” he muttered to himself, rubbing his forehead. “Stop it, Phil; he’s not into geezers ten years older than himself.”

During his self-chastising, he didn’t hear Clint come up behind him until he felt a hand on his arm. He turned, thinking Janie nudged him. “Yeah babu-oh, sorry, thought you were Janie; she taps me when I don’t look at her if I’m talking.”

Clint grinned goofily at him. “You almost called me baby,” he teased, making Phil snicker and shake his head. “Knew you swooned after me.”

Phil laughed and thumped him. “Get your shoes on so we can go before Mel starts calling me.” Deflection often worked for him. He let out a slow sigh when Clint dug around in a pile of Lucky’s toys and found a ragged pair of flip-flops. He was going to have to buy Clint a whole new wardrobe it looked like because he knew Clint wouldn’t do it himself. 

“All I have are these and my good shoes for work,” Clint shrugged as he put them on, seeing the look of concern in Phil’s eyes. “They’ll do ‘til they fall apart.”

He shook his head, deflecting again when Janie stood and went to him for her hearing aids. He helped her put them in and adjusted the volume for her. Clint grabbed Lucky’s muzzle when he noticed the dog was about to bark, something he did for Clint when he was testing the volume of his own hearing aids. He didn’t want Lucky’s loudness to bother Janie. 

“Is that good?” Phil asked, his tone soft but still audible. 

Janie shook her head quickly, cringing when the hearing aids rang loud and yanked them out before Phil could react. He caught them startled and crouched to her as Clint stepped up to help. 

Clint sat on the coffee table, surprised when Janie turned and hid against him; holding her ears and rubbing at the pain. He reached and took one of her hearing aids carefully and inspected it as Phil worked to soothe her, hearing the ringing. He called Lucky over and held the device close to him, frowning when Lucky dipped his head under his leg. It was the sign that a noise was too loud. 

“Do you hear it ringing?” he asked, looking at Phil again. 

Phil listened for a minute then shook his head, not even hearing it when Clint held it up to his ear. Clint sighed and turned the device off, waiting a minute before he turned it back on. He still heard the ringing sound. He stood and leaned over Phil’s back to the entertainment center, reaching up to the top where he kept his spare batteries for his own hearing aids. 

“This is the only thing I can think of to do right now,” he said as he sat down again, moving his arm when Natalie came over and put her chin down on his thigh to watch; concerned about Janie. 

“Is she gonna be OK?” she asked. 

Phil nodded, holding Janie close still as he rubbed her ears to soothe away the pain. “Yeah, loud noises hurt her ears a lot more than they do people who don’t use hearing aids. She’s still getting used to them too.”

Natalie sat up and leaned to pick up a toy, offering her favorite doll to Phil. “She can hold Junebug if she’s hurting; she helps me feel better when I get hurt.” Clint couldn’t help smiling at that as he worked. Natalie was always so polite to anyone. 

Phil took the doll and offered it to Janie, signing to her what Natalie said. Janie pulled back slightly and sighed Thank You to Natalie before hiding against her father again. 

“Thank you, Nattie,” Phil told her with a smile. “You’re such a nice girl to share your doll like that.”

Natalie shrugged a little bit. “She’s my bestest friend, I love her lots.”

Finally, Clint had the new batteries in the hearing aids and helped Phil put them in Janie’s ears; both were relieved when this time she didn’t hear the ringing and the volume wasn’t horribly loud. 

She turned back to Natalie and offered the doll back. Natalie just smiled again and shook her head. “Keep her with you ‘til you feel better, she likes you too and doesn’t like when someone she likes is hurting.” 

Natalie tucked the doll to her again with a little smile, signing again as Phil scooped her up and leashed Maisy. Clint found Lucky’s leash before picking up Natalie and following Phil to his car; he had to take a moment to put Natalie’s car seat in Phil’s back seat before he got in and sat down. Again, he buckled up immediately then settled Lucky between his knees in the floorboard. 

Phil settled Maisy in the back between the girls, giving Janie a little kiss before he shut the door and sat in his seat to drive. When he was settled and buckled in, he pulled out of the driveway and left Clint’s house. 

The drive to Nick and Melinda’s lake house was a bit of a long way, Clint started to get concerned the farther out they went. Cell reception often was poor in far out places. As they got closer, Phil turned back to the girls for a moment to get their attention. 

“Now, both of you listen up, alright?” he asked then looked straight again when they nodded. “We’re gonna be out by the lake, but we can’t go swimming right now; it’s not open for swimming yet. Don’t go near the boat house no matter what because it’s very dangerous. Uncle Nick’s boat is big and you can get hurt very bad on it, alright?”

He looked at the mirror to see their nods. 

“I can’t swim,” Natalie said with a shrug. 

Phil nodded. “Maybe this summer me and Daddy can teach you, everyone should learn how to swim ‘cause it’s fun.”

Clint snorted a laugh and shook his head. “I guarantee the instant her face gets wet she’s gonna want to stop; she freaks out if water even drips in her face in the tub.”

Phil smiled as he pulled up to the lake house and parked. He saw the usual crew already had arrived. They got out and collected the dogs and their girls, Phil put Janie on his hip knowing she would be nervous for a little bit at first being around everyone. Natalie led the way toward the back yard, hearing the radio playing. Phil and Clint followed, Clint carrying a couple dishes Phil made since his arms were full of Janie. The dogs followed them obediently, dragging the leashes behind them. 

Neither could help laughing when Natalie began to dance as she recognized the music playing. Clint hoped she remembered her manners and behaved while with everyone, some she had never met before, but knew she wouldn’t act terrible for him. 

As they joined their friends, all the thoughts about anything negative left them. They just wanted to concentrate on having fun with everyone and enjoy the beginning of summer.


	5. Chapter 5

Clint didn’t know why he volunteered to chaperone the Kindergarten end of year field trip to the zoo, but at least he wouldn’t suffer alone. Phil volunteered after Clint had to request the day off so he could spend the day with Clint and help out with Janie’s class at the same time. Phil denied that he liked Clint more than friends to everyone, he always considered himself straight; but a little part of him sometimes wondered. He still grieved for Audrey, he couldn’t date yet and he felt horrible for even thinking about it. 

Everyone who noticed the way Clint subtly flirted with Phil, he just told them he flirted with anyone he liked being goofy. He used it as a cover because he didn’t want anyone getting upset with him for looking again. Sure, he still missed Kate and sometimes couldn’t look at Natalie without seeing her, but he felt he was ready to dip his toes in the pool again. 

Phil boarded the bus with Janie, smiling when he saw Clint and Natalie already sitting down. He was curious when he noticed that they were on separate sides though, he expected Natalie would want to sit with Clint. Janie smiled and climbed up on the seat beside Natalie, making Phil laugh. 

“You sit there, Daddy,” she told him, pointing to the empty space beside Clint. “We gotta talk about something important over here.”

He just shook his head and sat with Clint. “They’re plotting against us, I do believe.”

Clint smiled, watching the girls as they giggled and played together. “Oh, Nattie told me I was absolutely not allowed to sit beside her on the bus today. She was gonna sit with Janie no matter what anyone said.”

“I’m seriously so glad they made friends with each other so fast and easy. Janie still goes on about Nattie this and Nattie that almost every night when I’m trying to get her in bed. I think they’re gonna be truly lifelong friends.”

He nodded, still watching the girls. “They have so much in common, got each other for support when they used to just have us and the few adults they know they can trust.” He had to keep his attention on the girls so he wasn’t staring at Phil and pining for him pitifully. “It’s like they adopted each other as sisters or something.”

Phil noticed Clint’s avoidance and frowned slightly. “Hey, are you alright?” he asked, nudging his shoulder lightly. “You look like you’re thinking way too hard about something major.”

Clint glanced at him for just an instant before diverting his eyes again. “It’s just getting close, you know?” he shrugged. “Kinda gets hard, even after so long. Especially ‘cause of the day it happened; same day as my mom died so it’s kinda double heavy.”

He nodded and grabbed Clint’s hand. “Is there anything you do that you need help with that day or something like that?”

He shrugged and shook his head, absently rubbing Phil’s hand with his thumb. He never actually noticed when he fidgeted but Phil didn’t react negative to the caressing. He understood that Clint was going through a lot of emotional pain. 

“Nat usually takes her for the day for me, takes her to school and picks her up and stuff. I’ve always called in sick and spend the day at the cemetery or moping on the couch if it’s raining. It’s pitiful I know, but I’ve never had anyone but Nat to help me get through the day but she’s gotta go outta town for some food convention thing, I dunno.”

Phil sighed at him. “Tell you what, how about we both play hooky and I’ll go with you if you want someone with you. Or, I can keep the girls at your place and be there for you when you come home. If you wanna keep Nattie home but still go out to the cemetery I can call Gloria to watch her and Janie.”

Clint groaned quietly, his mind overwhelmed with everything, and planted his head down on Phil’s shoulder with a little whine. He always got withdrawn and easily upset the closer it got to the anniversary of Kate’s death. Phil reached and wiped away a stray tear Clint couldn’t hold back, shielding him from prying eyes as the bus began to fill. 

When the bus jarred as the engine started, Clint tensed a little bit and tightened his hold on Phil’s hand. Even in the middle of an anxiety attack he had the mind to remember Phil’s fears of wrecking and in a bus, they didn’t have seat belts. Phil held his breath for a moment, grunting quietly when the bus pulled from the curb; his left hand gripping the back of the seat in front of them tight. 

“Christ almighty, I should have said I could drive a load of kids myself,” he huffed a laugh and shook his head. 

Clint snorted weakly and sniffled. “Lookit me, sitting here like a damn whiny ass.”

Phil shook his head, leaning his cheek against Clint’s head soothingly. “Like two old souls just naturally drawn to each other. I still say it was fate that we met. I mean, look at all that’s happened since then. Our girls got a new best friend, we’re friends and getting close. I mean, I know Nat’s your best friend and all so I’m not gonna nudge her outta the way or anything. But, ya know?”

Everyone on the bus tensed and braced when the driver hit the brakes unexpectedly. Phil turned to Janie and Natalie frightened, but saw they both caught themselves and didn’t hit the back of the seat in front of them. He wasn’t surprised when Janie got scared and came over to him, getting up in his lap. 

After a minute Natalie snuck over, eyeing the supervising teacher before she crossed over. She didn’t want to get in trouble for moving seats again. Clint held her tight, still overwhelmed by his growing grief. Phil still held Clint’s hand tight, trying to comfort himself, Janie, and Clint. Natalie hugged to Clint, worried when she noticed how upset he looked. 

Again, Phil was amazed at how caring and nurturing she was and at such a young age. He knew it had to do with Clint being the only real comfort in her life, the one she knew would never leave her alone for anything or anyone. 

“When we get outta here and done with all this, me and you are gonna definitely go for a goddamn drink. I forgot how much I fucking hate buses.”  
Clint chuckled weakly, cuddling Natalie. “So, why’d you volunteer then?”

Phil smiled and shrugged as Clint sat up and leaned his head on the seat back. “Honestly, because you’re here. I don’t know why, but I really do look forward to seeing you every day. You just have this thing that makes me like you so much. I don’t know what it is though. It’s weird.”

################################################################

After surviving the day at the zoo with almost fifty children running around, Phil and Clint dropped the girls off with Gloria then disappeared to Natasha’s diner for sanctuary and freedom. They just wanted a break from children for a little while. 

Daisy brought over their usual drink orders when she noticed how exhausted they were. Phil drank a little bit of the soda before surprising Clint when he pulled a flask out of his suit jacket and poured a little bit into the soda. 

Clint laughed before he could stop himself, taking the flask when Phil offered it to him and doctoring his own drink. “I really didn’t think you were serious about alcohol.”

Phil groaned as he took another drink, feeling his nerves calming. “Fucking busses, seriously. I mean, I should’ve known better but goddammit.”

“Daisy Sweet, tell Bucky to fix us something deep fried and greasy. We friggin need it,” Clint told her, holding his head in his hand on the table. He smiled when he saw Bucky look through the kitchen pick up window and scan the dining room. Bucky smiled almost evilly seeing Clint.

He picked up a couple dinner rolls that had been sitting on a plate for a couple hours, dipped them in the Au Jus for the French Dip sandwiches, and then hurled them through the window at Clint. 

Clint belted a loud laugh when one of the rolls hit him square in the face; the other ricocheted and pinged Phil’s head. 

He picked up the soggy roll and looked at it for a moment, inspecting it for anything untasteful, then shoved half of it into his mouth hungrily. Phil just laughed and shook his head at him, wiping the juice off his temple. 

“Do you even know where that came from?”

Clint shrugged, still eating the roll. “I’m friggin starving, I’ll eat anything that isn’t gonna kill me.”

Daisy and Darcy came over to their table and plopped down beside the two; both smiling at them like they were plotting some kind of world domination. Phil gave Daisy his side eye look, making Darcy laugh, and looked her over. 

“You’re scheming,” he concluded, turning to her. “What are you scheming?”

She smiled and shook her head, giving him an all too innocent grin. “Nothing,” she replied unconvincing, snicking a laugh. “Why would I be scheming anything? I mean it’s not like you two are so into each other it’s obvious to everyone but you two.”

Clint snorted and rolled his eyes. “Are you even into guys, Phil?”

He shrugged, stumbling over his words for a moment. “I’ve always been into women but honestly I’ve never admitted to anyone that I have wondered about guys.”

“Oh, my God you guys!” Darcy groaned dramatically. “Get together already, Jesus!” 

Phil shook his head, holding his chin in his hand. “I don’t think it’s the right time to even think of dating anyone for me. I mean, I’m not even over Audrey yet and I feel like it would be almost betraying her if I dated right now.”

“Yep,” Clint replied, popping the P a little bit, then took another drink. He needed the distraction of the rum to cover his reaction to rejection. He expected Phil to not want anything but friendship from him, but it still stung a little bit because he liked Phil so much. “Especially since you both know about Sunday.”

The girls both frowned instantly, feeling horrible for joking about it knowing the anniversary was so close and Clint was struggling with it. Darcy laid her head on Clint’s shoulder and hugged his arm. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

“Yeah,” Daisy sighed, fidgeting with a napkin guiltily. 

Clint shrugged a little bit. “I’m just in a funk, it’ll pass; always does.”

Bucky ringing the pick-up bell distracted the girls. They stood and returned to their tasks, bringing plates over to Phil and Clint before checking the other customers. 

They ate in silence for nearly ten minutes, both absently picking at their food as they lost themselves in their thoughts and concerns. Phil stabbed a piece of fried okra with his fork and popped it in his mouth with a sigh. Clint snorted a laugh and nodded at him, knowing his thoughts. 

“Me too, Phil,” he said, still looking down at his food. “It’s just so fucking hard, you know? Nobody else gets it but you and me ‘cause they don’t know what it’s like. They don’t know the pain of sitting there and watching the woman you were supposed to spend your entire life with take her last breath, fucking struggling to do it. I mean, fuck. She was scared. When she was finally still her jaw was hung open, looked like that creepy painting of that bald guy screaming, you know?”

Phil reached over and took Clint’s hand carefully. Clint shook his head again, sighing almost helplessly. 

“First time I’ve ever watched someone die. It fucked me up bad, I mean I dunno if I’ll ever be able to see another dead body ever again” he let out a groan, pulling in a ragged breath. “I’m probably overstepping a major boundary here, but I can’t trust myself to be alone right now; especially with all this new shit I’ve been feeling.”

Phil smiled weakly, passing Clint his flask again when Darcy put a little bit more soda in his cup. “Well, you can either stay with me or me and Janie can come stay with you and Nattie ‘til you feel better. I’m not gonna leave you alone feeling unsafe.”

Clint nodded, eating again slowly; gripping Phil’s hand tighter. “If you can handle bunking in bed with me, couch is shit to sleep on, I’d do better at home.”

He nodded, rubbing Clint’s hand slowly. “Yeah, I can handle a cuddle buddy if it means it’s helping you. Eat your greasy fried goodness, drink up and I’ll take care of you, don’t worry about anything.”

Clint sighed quietly and turned back to his food. Phil didn’t make an attempt to pull his hand away, he knew Clint needed someone to hang onto right now and he could easily be the rope Clint needed to pull himself up out of the abyss of grief and heartache.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: marijuana

Phil packed a bag for himself and Janie to stay with Clint and Natalie for a few days, then packed up Maisy and a few things for her. Janie didn’t understand why they were going to stay with Natalie, but she knew she would have fun. 

He loaded the car, securing Janie safely in her car seat; still jittery about the bus ride to the zoo, and buckled Maisy in her pet belt on her harness. When they were settled, he got into the car and buckled himself into his seat before pulling out of the driveway. He sighed as he drove, watching the late Friday afternoon traffic carefully. 

They finally made it to Clint and Natalie’s house, going a little slower than expected because after school traffic was still thick with all the buses, but he didn’t see Clint’s car in the driveway yet. That was odd because Clint said he was going straight home after picking up Natalie from school and it was half past four. He should be home by now.

With a sigh he turned off the engine to wait, debating on calling Clint and checking on him. Not even thirty seconds later, worry won over and he pulled out his phone; calling Clint. After a few rings, Clint answered; concerning Phil when he heard Clint’s voice a little away from the phone sounding angry and cursing at someone. 

“Yeah well, I got a kid in my car, ya jackass!” Clint yelled at the driver of the other car pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. “Pay attention to the goddamn road instead of watching fucking porn on your phone!”

Phil wanted to laugh at the unexpected outburst he overheard but again, concern won over. “Hey, what’s wrong, are you alright?” he asked when he heard Clint huff into the phone. 

“No, asshole fucking sideswiped me on the highway. Still waiting for the police.”

Phil’s heart fluttered hard as he tried to coordinate to restart the car. “Are you alright?” he asked almost frantic. “Where are you?”

Clint huffed again, looking around for an idea of his location. “I’m across the highway from Target, that’s all I know right now.”

Phil pulled away from the curb and took off again, gripping the phone and steering wheel tight in his hands. He needed to get to Clint and Natalie to make sure they weren’t hurt. 

“But you’re alright, right?” he asked, his mind racing with memories of the Christmas night he lost Audrey. 

“Yeah, we’re good; this jackass is just lucky he swiped my side of the car. Got glass stuck in a couple places but Nattie isn’t bleeding anywhere; she’s fucking scared though.”

Phil pressed the gas pedal a little more, being careful not to speed too much. 

By the time Phil made it to Clint, the police arrived. One officer had Natalie, trying to soothe her and keep her from watching Clint and the offending driver talk to his partner. Clint gestured angrily at the other driver, looking like he wanted to punch the man. When he parked, the other officer noticed and came over, Phil wanted to take Natalie from him and protect her from being so afraid. 

“Hey, Clint called me to come pick him and Nattie up ‘cause his car’s totaled,” he told him. 

He nodded, opening the door and letting Natalie into the front seat. She crossed over the seats quickly and planted herself in Phil’s lap, hugging to him tight. Phil sighed to calm his nerves and held her, nuzzling and kissing her head thankful that she wasn’t visibly hurt. The officer let him tend to Natalie and went back to help his partner handle Clint and the other driver. 

When everything was settled, both Clint and the offending driver received tickets. A glitch with Clint’s auto insurance kept him from being able to prove he had it, but all he had to do was show the judge when he went to contest it that he was insured at the time of the accident. He got Natalie’s car seat out of his car and put it in Phil’s back seat before settling her into it, fussing over her for a minute before he got in and sat down. 

Phil reached over and grabbed Clint’s hand tight. “Are you alright?” he asked, unable to keep the scared tremble out of his voice. 

Clint nodded, laying his head back against the headrest and giving Phil a weak grin. “Yeah, just really annoyed with my insurance company. Gonna be sore for a few days when all the adrenaline wears off, but it’s not like I have a physically demanding job and my boss is kinda sweet on me so I suspect he’ll go easy on me.”

Phil snorted a little bit, keeping Clint’s hand as he drove. “Yeah, you just relax and let me handle the girls. We’ll go easy for dinner, my treat, and go over to Nat’s.”

################################################################

After a quick dinner, they went back to Clint’s house. The girls hurried off to play in Natalie’s room. Clint plopped down onto the couch with a groan, grunting when the action caused pain to shoot through his back. Phil sat down beside him and put a couch pillow on his lap before nudging Clint to lie down. 

“You have anything stronger than Tylenol for the pain you’re gonna be in tomorrow?”

Clint shrugged, already feeling a kink in his shoulder. “If I do, it’s expired by now.”

Phil sighed, swirling a finger in Clint’s hair slowly. He frowned concerned when he felt a bit of glass from the broken driver side windows still in Clint’s hair and started the task of picking it out carefully. “I have muscle relaxers, I’ll gladly give you a few so you’re not suffering so bad.”

“What are you doing?” he laughed quietly. 

“You still have a bit of glass in your hair.”

Clint rolled his eyes, smiling. “You’re like a monkey picking out bugs,” he teased, rolling onto his side to get comfortable. “There’s an ashtray over there somewhere so the girls don’t get any of the pieces.”

Phil looked over and saw the ashtray, immediately recognizing a piece of a marijuana joint hidden inside. “Dude, you gotta hide your roaches a little better,” he laughed, taking the piece and tucking it under the brim of the lamp before putting the ashtray on the arm of the couch to collect the pieces of glass. 

Clint snorted startled, his eyes wide. “Holy shit, I seriously forgot that was there,” he replied, looking up at Phil. “I don’t do it a lot and never with Nattie awake. I mean, shit please don’t can me for it; it helps with my nerves and shit.”

“I’m not gonna fire you for a little bit of pot,” he assured with a smile, nudging Clint to lie on his side again to resume getting glass out of his hair. “I’m not a hypocrite, ya know.”

Clint side eyed him for a minute, trying to see if Phil was just tricking him. He was curious when he saw nothing of deception on Phil’s face. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or just fucking with me.”

“I brought some out of my own stash ‘cause I kinda suspected that you did a few weeks ago when you told me that you watched Tommy and enjoyed it. Nobody enjoys Tommy unless they’re high off their ass.”

He smiled and settled again; liking the sensation of Phil’s hands working in his hair. “I had no idea what the hell I was actually watching until the massacre on the giant pinballs. All the blood grossed me out when I came down.”

Phil shook his head with a laugh. “The Marilyn Monroe masks tripped me out. I think I had nightmares for like a week after and I didn’t get farther than that in the movie.”

A rattle toward the hallway distracted them, making him look up. He couldn’t help chuckling when he saw two sets of eyes and two little heads peeking around the corner at them. Clint sat up when he realized Phil’s hands stopped and saw the girls. 

He grinned, snickering. “Nattie, you’re a turd,” he told her, beckoning them over. Natalie came over and tucked beside him, Janie behind his hip to watch Phil as he worked. 

Clint let out a sigh and cuddled Natalie tight, nuzzling and kissing her head where she bumped it against her car seat when they were hit. Phil reached to soothe the knot, unable to keep himself from doing it; the nurturing father in him screaming to comfort her as well. Clint felt his affection for Phil deepening knowing Phil cared about his baby girl just as much as he loved and adored her. They wanted to keep both girls tucked safely in their arms and keep them away from everything bad in the seemingly worsening world. 

“You gonna be alright?” Phil asked, soothing a caress on Clint’s cheek. 

It took Clint a moment to realize Phil was speaking to him and not Natalie. “Hmm?” he mumbled, tightening his hold on Natalie again. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking and worrying about shit. Always get down around this time’a year.”

Phil nodded, his hands resuming in Clint’s hair again. “Yeah. I mean, you always hear about people in their sixties and seventies being widowed but hell. You know?”

Clint let out a sigh, nodding. “Yeah, but it’s easier having someone who knows how it feels. I kinda feel safe this time.”

Phil smiled, setting the ashtray back on the end table when he stopped finding glass. Clint sighed again, leaning and wiping his tearing eyes on Phil’s pant leg before burrowing his face into Natalie’s head to hold onto her and hide away his grief. But, Phil knew. Phil understood the pain and heart wrenching grief; the nightmares and waking up almost screaming late at night. Phil understood laughing with his little girl one second and then suddenly seeing her mother in her and wanting to hide away to cry alone in the dark somewhere. 

The door opened, surprising Phil. He only recognized Bucky when he saw the other man’s tattooed prosthetic arm; someone had convinced him to make it look like shining metal to help him feel better about losing his arm. Bucky’s face was blocked by a couple boxes, but he just strolled in like he owned Clint’s house. Phil would have thought that was an invasion of Clint’s privacy but then remembered that probably everyone just walked in when they knew Clint would be home because he never heard their knocks. 

“Is your doorbell busted again, Barton?” Bucky asked as he worked at putting things away in the kitchen from one of the boxes. 

Clint unborrowed when he heard Bucky’s voice, he didn’t even hear him come through the door because the noise was muffled; but the kitchen luckily echoed a little bit. “No, I felt it I just didn’t want to get up.” Bucky looked around the kitchen corner at him, quirking a brow when he saw Phil with Clint’s head in his lap and the girls piled with them. “It’s in the couch cushion somewhere, I’m just too lazy to get up and look for it right now.”

Bucky nodded, eyeing Phil. “So, where’s your car then?”

Clint shrugged, biting back a groan when his shoulder kinked. “Totaled in a junkyard somewhere by now probably; got sideswiped on the highway. Phil’s staying the weekend with me anyways so he picked us up.”

“Do you need anything then?” he asked, his tone immediately telling Phil he was the one Clint usually got his marijuana from. He kept eyeing Phil, not sure if he would be weird about anything. 

“That would be great, you know where my box is,” Clint replied, settling against Phil again when he felt him so tense from Bucky’s stare down. Bucky nodded, crossing to the hall to go to Clint’s bedroom. “Relax, he’s cool!” Clint called after him. 

Phil huffed a laugh, his fingers raking through Clint’s hair to keep himself from fidgeting. “So, what do we wanna do ‘til the runts go to bed.”  
Clint sighed and groaned. “Oh God, I forgot about bath time. I don’t think I can get down in the floor to do it and we skipped last night so she needs one tonight. Crap.”

“I can do it, I mean I came over to help you to begin with, right?” he replied smiling. “Hell, I can even help you in the tub.”

He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “You gotta wait a little while before you can see me naked,” he teased, grinning up at Phil. “But, helping the runt will be great; just don’t freak out when you see the birthmark on her butt, it looks like a bad hit mark but it’s not.”

Phil smiled, laying his arm around Janie when she snugged to his side and picked up the remote to find something to watch. Clint tiredly instructed him how to use the complicated remote, one of Tony Stark’s developments that he was testing because he got suckered into it by Pepper, looking forward to Natalie’s bed time so he could fix up a joint and ignore the intense pain he felt from the wreck. 

He knew feeling pain already meant he was going to be suffering in the morning and probably unable to move at all.


	7. Chapter 7

Clint woke with a groan that startled Phil, causing him to lose the grip on Clint he didn’t realize he had. They agreed to bunk together, Clint didn’t feel right putting Phil in the sorry excuse of a couch that he dragged in from a dumpster. Phil apparently couldn’t keep to his designated side of the bed. 

After a minute, Phil was able to sit up and still Clint; holding him on his side firmly. Clint laid groaning, the pain excruciating. He knew he would be sore from the wreck, but this was almost unbearable. 

“Oh fuck,” Clint huffed. “Go check on Nattie, she’s probably hurting bad.”

Phil sighed, he didn’t want to leave Clint when he was suffering but he knew Natalie would need him as well. He gave Clint a pillow to hold onto then got out of bed, having to step over Lucky where he laid in the floor, and left the bedroom.

As he got closer to Natalie’s bedroom door he could hear one of the girls crying. Worried, he rushed faster; finding Natalie almost hanging off the side of her bed crying in pain. He got down on his knees and eased her back onto the bed. 

“Hey,” he soothed, bundling her in her blanket with her Junebug doll, and scooped her up into his arms to get her to Clint. “Come on, Daddy wants you, too.” 

He looked over Janie for a moment, she slept peacefully unable to hear the commotion without her hearing aids, then took Natalie to Clint; tucking her into Clint’s arms and helping him move to hold her. 

“You really need to get checked out by a doctor, Clint.” 

When Clint didn’t reply, Phil realized he didn’t have his hearing aids in either and looked through Clint’s nightstand to find them. “Lucky, come,” he said then snapped to signal to Lucky the command. Lucky rounded the bed and sat down beside him, looking up at him and waiting for the next task. 

“Find it,” he commanded, tapping the nightstand. Lucky sniffed around the bottom edge, sometimes Clint missed the nightstand and dropped the devices in the floor. He swiped the corner when he found one. Phil picked it up and put it in Clint’s ear, then found the other tucked under the pillow. 

Clint groaned when Phil moved his head, his neck screaming with intense pain. 

“Clint, you both need to go see a doctor; you’re hurt worse than you thought and you know Nattie’s hurting. We should’ve gone right after and got you checked out.” 

Clint just groaned again, surrendering to Phil. “Fuck it, I’ll find a way to pay for it. I don’t have medical insurance,”

Phil sighed and shook his head, readying Clint to pick him up with Natalie. Clint tensed when Phil lifted him, tightening his hold on Natalie so she didn’t tumble out of his arms. Phil struggled to carry Clint, but knew he had to help him, and got them out to his car. He knew he should put Natalie in her car seat, but ignored his instinct in favor of not upsetting either of them by taking her out of Clint’s arms. He just buckled them in together in the passenger seat then went back inside to get Janie. 

After getting her settled and calmed down he got in the car and left the house. He had to get Clint and Natalie to medical care and berated himself angrily for not doing so sooner. 

################################################################

Clint worried about Natalie while she was getting multiple x-rays and cat scans to look for injuries. He surrendered to his own exams, hiding his fears and concerns because he knew if he showed fear Natalie would be afraid and struggle against the doctors. He had to be courageous for his baby girl. 

He did feel better when Phil got ahold of Natasha and she immediately left the convention she was attending to come home and help him. She knew he and Natalie would need her. When she arrived, he was able to calm down more; Natasha would fight to assure he and Natalie were safe. He just didn’t expect the high dosages of pain medication he was given to loop him so high. 

While waiting for the results of all the tests, Clint laid on a gurney in a triage room; keeping Natalie tucked into his arms and refusing to release her for anything. Natasha planted herself on the gurney in Clint’s bent knees, massaging his hip and legs to soothe him and work the tension out of his muscles. 

Phil sat in a little chair with Janie on his knee, one hand soothing over Clint’s cheek slowly. Natalie laid sleeping from the pain medicine she was given, Clint’s face burrowed into her hair as he continued to soothe her while she slept. He couldn’t stand seeing his baby girl hurt, it shattered everything inside him to watch her crying in pain and being unable to help her. 

Natasha often teased him and called him a mama bear because of his highly protective instincts. 

“So, everyone tells me you two are kinda sweet on each other,” she said, giving Phil a slight smile. 

Phil huffed a quiet laugh, leaning to land a kiss on Natalie’s head. “This little one is a big reason why, too,” he replied, finally admitting to himself that he had feelings for Clint that was deeper than friendship. “She’s so little bitty and innocent, already fighting bullies and awful people. I just wanna bundle her up with Janie and keep both my girls safe.”

Natasha quirked a brow at him, her smile going into a sly little crooked grin. “Your girls?” she asked curious, her head tilted amused. “You’re already in love with him, aren’t you, Phil?”

“Well I dunno about love yet, it still feels like it’s too soon, but I definitely feel something deeper than just drinking buddies or whatever two guys call themselves in a friendship. He asked me to stay the weekend with him ‘cause of tomorrow, he didn’t feel safe being alone and since you were busy. I had to, I couldn’t bear the thought of him being alone knowing how he feels. I wouldn’t even celebrate Christmas anymore if it wasn’t for Janie because it’s just too difficult to cope with.”

She nodded, soothing a hand over Clint’s neck when he snuffled as he started to surrender to the pain medications. “I’m glad you two found each other, you both need someone that totally understands. I mean, we all know you both miss Kate and Audrey still; it’s obvious just looking at you with your girls. But, now you have at least a companionship with each other.”

Phil let out a slow breath, his mind going over all he and Clint had come to do together with their daughters. “I’m falling Nat,” he told her, his tone soft. “And I don’t think I wanna lift myself back out. It just feels kinda right, you know?”

“Spend more time with each other, take things slow and I guarantee in about a year’s time, you’ll be together. He’s already admitted to me that he likes you, but he’s also kinda nervous about it. Just gotta show each other it’s alright and it’s safe.”

He nodded, leaning to Clint and landing a kiss on his temple when he settled and fell asleep. “I just can’t help it, he snagged me somehow. I didn’t even see it coming.”

Before she could respond, the ER doctor came into the little room with the results of all the scans and tests. Both were unharmed in a way that would cause problems, Clint most likely had extreme tissue and muscle damage causing his intense pains. Natalie, being so little, had a little bit of internal bruising but she would be fine in a couple weeks if she behaved and rested to recover. 

Phil and Natasha gathered everything to take them back home. Natalie went to Natasha tiredly, hugging to her before falling asleep again. Phil felt bad for having to wake Clint to get him into a wheelchair, but the doctors wouldn’t let him carry Clint outside. Janie followed Natasha, hanging onto the little belt on Natasha’s jacket to keep up with her and Natalie. 

“Want me to come over and help out?” she asked as she got Natalie into her car seat in Phil’s car. 

Phil shrugged as he helped Clint into the car, buckling him in safely. “It’s not really my decision to make.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, smiling, and leaned over to Clint to get his attention; tapping his cheek to make him look at her. He was looping hard from the pain medication but tried to make eye contact, telling her he was there. 

“Do you want me to come home with you?”

Clint nodded, almost snoring as his head leaned limp. “Nattie likes taco soup yeah,” he mumbled as his eyes closed. 

Phil and Natasha couldn’t help laughing at his almost drunken state. “Goddamn I love when he’s medicated. He’s so fucking drunk it’s hilarious,” she said, shaking her head amused. “Don’t turn on your radio unless you want him to wake up and start serenading you. Every single time, it’s just sad.”

Phil laughed, hugging her for a moment; thankful to have her helping him; and pecked her cheek. “Alright, we’ll see you at the house. I’ll try to get something to eat on the way; might be a little difficult with him so limp.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick something up on my way over; gotta run home and get a bag packed and get my lizards; Nattie just loves them and it’ll help her feel better having them. I’ll be about an hour, hour and a half at most.”

He nodded as they rounded to get into their vehicles. “I gotta go by the pharmacy anyways so it’s gonna be a minute.”

With that they got in and left the hospital parking lot to go back to Clint’s house for the weekend. Phil would extend his stay, with the girls now on summer vacation from school he didn’t have to worry about getting them up and ready so early. He could let Natalie rest and recover easily. 

################################################################

When Clint woke out of the pain medications, he still couldn’t move all too much. Phil planted him on the couch with a blanket and Lucky, telling him to stay put unless he had to go to the bathroom. Clint was in too much pain to misbehave, despite the almost overwhelming urge to give Phil a hard time and mess with him. He wanted to be a little flirt, but the pain kept him limp where he sat. He did smile drunkenly when Phil sat with him, laying his legs over his lap and rubbing the aching muscles. Natasha took over helping with the girls, in the floor with them while they played together with toys and her two bearded dragons. Maisy kept close to Janie obediently, Janie didn’t want to wear her hearing aids; her ears still a little tender as she tried to adjust to having them. 

Phil didn’t worry about that, he was getting better with sign language and both Clint and Natasha were fluent. Janie was still learning, but with Clint helping her it was getting easier. It was just another thing about Clint that Phil fell for; Clint loved his baby Jane just as much as he loved his own baby girl. Clint already considered her his own and often told someone off for harassing her about being partially deaf and having hearing aids. 

Clint had a quick reaction to hateful comments with his smartass mouth. Phil never could stop himself from laughing when Clint popped off at someone for being an ass to Janie. He needed to learn how to pop off like that so he could teach Janie to ignore hateful and rude people. But, he was glad to have Clint in her life now; she was immensely happier having him and Natalie. She told him often that she also considered Clint one of her best friends and loved him dearly. 

Phil finally felt like he could let himself try to love again.


	8. Chapter 8

Phil stepped into the bathroom when he noticed he didn’t hear the shower running, despite seeing Clint shuffling off an hour ago. He sighed, finding Clint sprawled out on the bathroom rug naked and bone dry. Taking a moment to appreciate the view of Clint’s bare ass, Phil stepped up and turned on the water for a bath; putting in some of the lavender Epsom salt Natasha brought over for Clint to use on his aching body. He felt Clint grab onto his ankle and looked down, snorting when he saw Clint lying on his right foot and hugging to his left leg pitifully. 

“Do you want help getting in?” he asked smiling at the prone man at his feet. 

Clint nodded, almost nuzzling Phil’s ankle. He hated being in so much pain, but the heartache of what he would be doing Sunday made him feel worse. 

Phil bent and picked him up carefully, going down to a knee as he lowered Clint into the filling tub.

“Don’t go,” Clint mumbled, hugging to Phil’s arm so he couldn’t stand up and walk away. 

He smiled and pecked Clint’s forehead. “Can I get a wash rag in the cabinet?”

Clint shook his head, reaching weakly for Phil’s hand, and curled onto his side in the tub. Phil sighed and sat down, hugging Clint to him and putting Clint’s head on his shoulder; kissing the corner of Clint’s eye when he saw a little tear sneak out. 

After a minute he turned and called for Natasha to help him with Clint’s bath, knowing Clint couldn’t let go of him for now. She came into the bathroom, frowning when she noticed Clint clinging to Phil, and stepped up to gather everything to help Phil bathe him. Phil was surprised when she folded up the legs of her pants and sat on the side of the tub with her feet in the water to reach Clint easier. 

“I keep forgetting you’ve had more practice doing this,” he huffed quietly, smiling as he took another wash cloth to wash Clint’s face. 

Natasha nodded slightly. “I’ve been with him from the beginning, hell I introduced them ‘cause I met Kate when she came into the archery range where we worked and wanted a membership. Took him about five seconds to start flirting like a dork; it was so cute. She later told me she knew he was the one for her when he went all Joey from Friends on her.”

Phil shook his head with a laugh, giving Clint’s temple another peck. “He did that to me last night, I almost died laughing. He looked so serious about it.”

“Bet he was high off his ass, wasn’t he?”

He nodded, reaching to wash Clint’s hair. “We both were, and we were watching Friends on DVD. Said that he could make any woman wet by doing it.”

Natasha sighed thoughtfully as she washed Clint’s lower body. “When the girls go to bed let’s do up some brownies; it’ll help him with all the pain, physical and emotional. He needs it bad.”

Phil nodded again, nuzzling and kissing Clint’s face. “I’m glad you’re here with us. I mean, I know the basics of what to do to be at least somewhat helpful but I don’t know anything for him specific that he needs other than being held.”

“When we get him through this weekend, I can very much guarantee he’s gonna turn around and be right there with you when it’s your turn. He really does like you so much, but he knows you’re both scared to try again. Losing someone you’ve given your heart to, it’s just devastating to think about.”

He sighed slowly, raking his fingers through Clint’s hair to spread some conditioner into the thick locks. He didn’t expect Natasha to lean over and peck his forehead, making him look up at her surprised. 

“When you’re both ready, it’ll happen,” she told him softly. “Just spend this time getting to know each other better, getting Nattie to like you; that was probably the best thing you could’ve done because if she doesn’t feel safe around someone he won’t have anything to do with them. That baby is his world and she matters more than everyone to him.”

“I’m the same way with Janie. If she hadn’t told me flat out that she wanted Clint to be in her life, I mean; these days you have to be careful with your kids ‘cause there’s so many bad people in the world now. But, we found someone genuinely good. I mean, shit. First night she spent the night here, she woke up scared and wanted to call and talk to me. He just did it, didn’t tell her it was too late to call or anything. He sat with her while I was talking to her and held her like she was his own. He loves my daughter and that’s something major I would look for in any relationship I’d have ever again.”  
Natasha smiled at him. “Do you know how many women I know who would have killed to have a daddy who loved them like that growing up?”

Phil chuckled, moving to stand when Clint was clean and get him out. Natasha pulled the plug to drain the water, stopping him. “Wait, we should let him soak in more salt, it’s gonna really help him relax later, and you should get in with him this time. He won’t get handsy, he’s too down right now really. But, snugging will help him feel better, too.”

He snorted at her, grinning crooked. “Oh, you just wanna see my ass, admit it,” he teased as he stepped back to undress. He took a shower already that afternoon, but he couldn’t pass up another opportunity to have Clint relaxed in his arms again. 

Natasha laughed when she restarted the water then noticed a coy little grin on Clint’s face. Following his gaze, she looked back over her shoulder at Phil. 

“Oh, my God why do you have a fucking Cheshire Cat tattoo on your ass?” she laughed. 

Phil shrugged as he turned to get into the tub, easing in behind Clint when Natasha helped him sit up. “I was eighteen and went drinking with friends at a party. I didn’t actually pick it, I don’t think. I honestly don’t remember that night to well.”

Natasha just shook her head as she stood. “Just wait ‘til you see him naked everywhere,” she grinned at him before walking away. 

Phil laughed and wrapped his arms tight around Clint, kissing his temple again. “I’m probably gonna die if you have a weird piercing somewhere,” he told him, only joking but expecting something like that from Clint. 

Clint huffed a weak little laugh, nuzzling his face into Phil’s chest. Phil was surprised with the movement, he expected Clint to still just be limp and unmoving; but figured he was still a little nervous about being affectionate so openly in front of even Natasha. 

He just wanted to cuddle with Phil and not have to worry about anything for a while, let his mind go blank for a few hours. 

################################################################

Clint had to have Phil drive him to the cemetery the next morning and help him get out of the car and over to Kate’s headstone. After settling Clint, Phil stepped back to give him privacy; leaning against his car to watch over him. 

Clint sat on the ground, his head leaned on the headstone, holding a picture of him and Kate with Natalie the day after she was born. He held both in his arms tight, the smile on his face showing his obvious and deep love for Kate as he gave her a kiss. His mind replayed the entire ten years they were married, he proposed after only knowing each other and dating for two months. She was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the one who captured his heart instantly. 

Phil looked over when he heard footsteps approaching on the little gravel roadway and sighed, seeing Nick coming over to him. He was probably out putting flowers on forgotten and neglected headstones again; he often came out and cleaned up some of the older plots that were weedy and had nobody else to come tend to them. 

“What are you doing out here, Phil?” he asked, leaning on the car beside him. 

He shrugged and nodded over toward Clint. “Clint needed a ride and help getting over, got sideswiped Friday after getting Nattie from school and his car was totaled bad. He’s gimped up a little bit, but it’s the day she passed and he comes out here for a couple hours.”

Nick nodded, making note of the location of Kate’s headstone. He remembered weeding it a few times but it was obvious to him that someone cared enough to keep it mostly clean. 

“I didn’t know Katie Kat was his wife,” he replied, his head dipped thoughtfully. “She and Melinda grew up together and were friends since they were little.”

“It’s weird how we’re all connected to each other through acquaintances and such.”

Nick turned to Phil, leaning his hand on the hood of the car. “So, what’s this I hear about you two being so sweet on each other and you not even tell me?”

Phil shrugged and shook his head. “It’s still new, I mean I’m only just admitting it to myself really. We’re not ready for anything official yet.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Which is why Janie is already planning your wedding. Saw her with Natasha and Natalie at the store, they’re so cute together. They were picking out those little dove things that go on the candles for a wedding. Asked her who they were gonna marry; both of them said their daddies were gonna fall in love and get married. Natasha just laughed and agreed.”

Phil shrugged again, smiling. “I mean, I do love him already; but I dunno. It just feels right, you know what I mean? It’s just so cozy and fuzzy with him and Nattie. She’s such a little doll face, too. Janie just loves her.”

They turned back to Clint when he called back over his shoulder for Phil and went to help him up and back to the car. Clint was surprised to see Nick but welcomed his help, in too much pain; both physically and emotionally; to protest. They got him back into Phil’s car and settled, this time Nick didn’t say anything when Phil buckled Clint into the seat and snugged it on him. Phil looked like he would have probably punched him if he had said anything smartass right then. 

That bland expression didn’t fool Nick, he knew Phil better than anyone. He could see the pain in his eyes thickening. He guessed Clint getting involved in a wreck rattled Phil more than he put on. 

“Let me come bug you guys for a while, gotta spend some time with my Janie Girl anyways; godfather responsibilities and all.”

Phil shrugged but didn’t protest. “We’re gonna be at my place soon as I can get a bag packed for him and Nattie, it’ll be easier on him with me ‘cause my house is bigger and more room for the dogs in the yard. Bring Mel, I’m gonna need her help making up a few meals for the week.”

Nick’s one eye rolled as he grinned. “Yeah sure, we’ll be over in a little while then.”

With that they separated and left the cemetery. Phil took Clint’s hand as he drove, watching the traffic carefully as he caught a green light down the road. His heart broke a little more each time he heard Clint let out a little sniffle as he watched out the window not speaking. 

“I called ahead to Nat and had her pack up Nattie, you’re both gonna come home with me and Janie tonight; my yard is bigger for the dogs and Janie needs to be in her own bed after so long not being home.”

Clint shrugged, rubbing Phil’s hand slowly with his thumb. “Yeah,” he mumbled broken. He tightened his hold on Phil’s hand when he felt a stab of pain, letting out a slow breath; causing the window to fog a little bit. Phil held Clint’s hand to his chest, kissing Clint’s knuckles soothingly. 

“So, when we do get to the point we can get together, you want top or bottom bunk?”

Clint laughed finally, it made Phil smile instantly, but still sounded heartbroken and turned to him. “I’ve always preferred the bottom bunk, more fun.”  
Phil leaned over at a red light to peck Clint’s cheek. Clint surprised him when he turned his head, causing the kiss to land square on his lips. He snickered and shook his head when he pulled back and Clint was grinning like a goofball at him. 

“You’re a doof,” Phil huffed, smiling; giving him another careful little peck before the light turned green again. 

“I didn’t even time that, just turned around,” he admitted with a shrug. “Telling you, it’s love or something.”

Phil shook his head, holding onto Clint’s hand tighter and kissing his knuckles again to keep his attention on the road. He couldn’t ignore the intense feeling of fluttering butterflies in his stomach; not knowing that Clint was feeling his own little fluttering. 

They just wanted to be happy and keep their girls safe and happy; and knew they could eventually achieve that together. They just had to take their time and keep things slow for now.


	9. Chapter 9

Monday morning Clint was able to go back to work, but Phil naturally took pity on him and kept his work load light; knowing he was still struggling with being in pain. He kept the girls in his office with him, letting them play and watch movies on an old television from an unused conference room. They sat quietly while he worked, lounged with Maisy. Clint had to keep Lucky with him, needing his help and sending him to fetch things from Phil so he wouldn’t have to worry about getting up and moving too much. Phil insisted, not needing him getting worse. 

But, when Phil came to check on Clint and found him almost hunched over unable to move at all; he decided Clint had had enough of the work day and settled him on a soft pallet in the floor behind his desk. Ever the Eagle scout, Phil had his office stocked with anything and everything he might need; including blankets and a little, albeit cheap, thin twin size floor mat.

Naturally, when Nick came in for his daily harassing Phil antics he teased his friend for his obvious infatuations. Phil just told him off with a smile, knowing Nick was going to send Melinda in soon to give him a hard time as well. Melinda only joked with a few people and Phil was one of her favorites to pester. 

But, she took sympathy on Clint when she saw him lying in the floor so pitifully; surprising him and Phil both when she stepped out to get something from her desk and came back with muscle rub then got down in the floor with Clint and worked on his aching body with the rub. 

Clint surrendered to her, almost desperate for pain relief, his head limp on her thigh as she worked on his back and shoulders. 

After finishing a few booklets of customers, Phil turned around to Melinda and Clint with a smile. “How’s that working out for you, Clint?” he asked. 

Clint groaned into Melinda’s thigh. The rub burned like it was pure habanero oil, but it definitely distracted him from the pain. He was almost drooling from the relief he was slowly feeling. 

“I’m telling you, Tiger Balm works good,” Melinda grinned at Phil. “But some people are too wussy to try it.”

“It friggin burns like lava injections,” he laughed, looking over at the girls for a moment; seeing them both fighting the urge to fall asleep. 

“And even worse when you try to wash it off with hot water. She used it on me once, Clint, once. Took a shower the next damn day and soon as the hot water hit my shoulders it dropped me to my knees. I couldn’t move for two hours and I only got out when Nick came over ‘cause I wasn’t answering the phone.”

Clint huffed quietly, grinning. “But it’s workin’,” he slurred, making Phil and Melinda laugh. 

Phil smiled, distracted for a moment when Natalie came over to him; a tired frown on her face; and held her arms out to him. He picked her up and snugged her into his lap, nuzzling and pecking her temple as he rocked his chair back and forth. 

“Are you sleepy, Babygirl?” he asked, rubbing her back slowly. She nodded, fighting to keep her eyes open. 

Clint turned his head and looked over at them, unable to keep from smiling when he heard Phil singing to Natalie quietly to soothe her to sleep. Phil never got to sing to Janie, she didn’t lie down to sleep with her hearing aids in usually, but Natalie asked him to every night now claiming Clint never sounded right to her. Clint couldn’t be upset, he was a little tone deaf while singing after all, he was just happy that his baby girl was happy and that she had someone else in her life who loved her dearly. 

When she fell asleep, Phil adjusted to cradle her in his arms; content to sit and hold her while she napped against him; nuzzling and kissing her temple gently. 

“She loves you so much already, Phil,” Clint told him, rolling onto his back when Melinda prodded him to turn over so she could work on his chest and arms. “She won’t cuddle with just anyone.”

Phil smiled, giving Natalie another little peck. “And, when we do make things official, you already know you’ll never have to worry that I’ll ever mistreat her. Love her like she’s my own. She’s just so precious and I can’t help it; gonna hurt anyone who hurts our girls.”

Clint nodded. “I will fucking murder someone if they’re ever mean to either of them. Those little assholes who pick on Janie are just lucky they’re kids or I’d punch their faces in; I already plan on going after the parents for letting their kids be assholes to her.”

“Nick threatens the little fuckers,” Melinda told him with a smile. “He doesn’t care that they’re kids; Janie is his baby and oh my God, he’s vicious about protecting her.”

“I guarantee he’s gonna be just the same with Nattie when he’s certain you’re not an asshole either. He’s gonna test you pretty hard, he says he doesn’t trust my judgement half the time.”

Clint frowned worriedly. “Why’s that?”

Phil sighed quietly and shook his head. “About a year ago I tried dating a lady; I had no idea she was a fucking registered sex offender. She didn’t do anything to Janie, but Nick still beat her ass into a coma when he found out. Then kicked my ass for being so stupid and not doing a background check when I noticed money missing from my account at the bank.”

“How’d a woman get to be a registered sex offender and be found guilty?”

He shrugged. “She assaulted her former partner, he finally was able to get away from her and went to the police. They wouldn’t have believed him but she gave him an STD, I didn’t sleep with her ever and I do regular blood work to be sure that I’m not infected in any way. We were only together two months and something kept making me not want to do anything yet. He was able to get records showing his previous blood tests proving he was clean before her. And, he had rectal damage consistent with force.”

“Jesus,” Clint huffed. “Is he alright now, like safe and all that?”

Phil nodded slightly. “I got ahold of him right after Nick kicked her ass; I had to check on him. I just had to, I felt so horrible for him. We still chat sometimes but he lives out in California now.”

Clint sat up with a groan and eased his shirt back on, sighing as his shoulders dropped and the muscles pulled tight. When he tried to stand, he got to his knees before he fell back to his ass; his legs still weak. 

Melinda sighed and put on a fresh pair of vinyl medical gloves. “Pants, Barton. Gimme your legs.”

He snorted a laugh through the pain, getting up onto his hands and knees to attempt to stand again. He didn’t expect Melinda to knock him over carefully and send him sprawled onto his stomach with a grunt. He laughed again when she took off his shoes and grabbed for his slacks. 

“You’re lucky I wore underwear today,” he joked, surrendering to more of her muscle rub. 

Phil turned back to his desk to resume his work, wanting to get everything done so they could go home on time. 

Melinda finished with Clint’s legs after a while, helping him put his pants back on, then stood and stretched the kinks out of her joints before settling into a chair to let Clint rest and offering to help Phil run his daily errands. 

################################################################

After work they went back to Phil’s house together. Clint did feel safer being at Phil’s house, he lived in a nicer neighborhood and actually had neighbors living around him. Clint just knew he would never get the invite to move in though. He wanted to be with Phil, to give him his heart and love again, but he didn’t think Phil would want him for very long until he was tired of him. 

Everyone would eventually tire of him and drop him and Natalie out of their lives; he even felt like Natasha would turn him away one day. 

Phil came into the den with drinks for himself and Clint, sitting on the couch with Clint and tugging him back to snug against his side. He couldn’t help noticing that Clint looked like he was upset about something, he was quiet and a little bit clingy; something was bothering him but Phil didn’t want to pry in Clint’s business and make him uncomfortable about anything. 

Clint let out a sigh, barely paying attention to the movie that played, and put his head down on Phil’s shoulder carefully. He didn’t know where the fear of Phil hitting him came from, Phil would never hit anyone unless there was an imminent threat against him or Janie. He just knew he had to step carefully with Phil so he wouldn’t leave him too soon. 

Phil reached up and stroked Clint’s cheek, giving him a light little peck; bopping Clint’s nose to get him to look up at him. Clint held eye contact for a few seconds then diverted again, looking down as he reached slowly for Phil’s free hand. 

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked softly, his tone showing his concern despite his straight-laced mask. 

He shrugged and shook his head, letting out a slow breath. “Nothin’, just worried that when we do get together and things are going good, something will happen and you’ll just up and go like almost everyone else. I mean, everything was totally perfect with Kate; I loved her so much it hurt. Then she got sick and left me.”

Phil nudged Clint’s chin up, nuzzling their noses together and giving him another kiss. 

“I don’t plan on going anywhere you can’t follow and I definitely don’t intend on just up and leaving you and Nattie. If we ever have any issues, we’re gonna be adults and discuss them together; without fighting or having any negative words to each other. I don’t play like that. I want you, but I want you to also choose when you’re ready for me. If you choose to give me even just a tiny little bit of your heart, I will protect and cherish it like it’s my own. I’m kind of a hopeless romantic and I really do want to have you to love and all that good stuff.”

Clint’s breath trembled as he fought tears again, his heart shattering more. When he inhaled sharply and was unable to keep in his grief, Phil took Clint into his arms and held him in his lap tight. He didn’t care that Clint’s tears were making a complete mess of one of his best ties and dress shirts. He wanted to bundle Clint into his arms and protect him from the excruciating grief that drowned him. 

“I want to, so bad, but it fucking hurts so goddamn much still. It’s not fucking fair. I love you and it feels like I’ll never get to keep you.”

Phil laid down with Clint still tucked in his arms and wedged Clint between himself and the back of the couch; burrowing with him under the little blue afghan off the back of the couch. He let Clint have this chance to get his emotions out so it would be a little easier to get ahold of them again. He knew sometimes Clint just needed to lay somewhere and cry until he couldn’t produce anymore tears. 

Two hours passed slowly before Clint was cried out. He clinged to Phil tight, unable to fight back out of the abyss he felt waiting for him. He knew the darkness of his heartache wanted to overpower him and drag him down to the deepest level of hell. 

Phil couldn’t let that happen. He had to be the strong one for now and keep Clint out of the bottomless abyss. He knew he could do it, always ready for a challenge no matter how off the odds were that he would succeed. 

################################################################

After dinner and bath time for the girls, both were settled together in Janie’s bed; Natalie again fooled Clint into getting startled by Lucky hiding in the closet. Phil was glad to hear him laugh again. When the girls were settled and soothed to go to sleep, Phil took Clint’s hand and they returned to the den. 

Clint instinctively planted himself to Phil’s side, still expecting to be struck for clinging so much. Phil bundled them with a blanket and two soft pillows tucked around them to take up the empty space on the couch. He didn’t want to let Clint have the excuse to sit away from him tonight.   
They shared a bud between them, mixing a little from each stash, while they watched a movie together. This time Clint went numb quickly and was grateful that Phil didn’t judge him for smoking marijuana. The only way Phil would have any issues is if Clint had ever left anything out for the girls to find and get ahold of, but he knew how careful Clint was to keep everything hidden from Natalie so he didn’t worry all that much. 

He knew they wouldn’t have to worry about getting tested at work, Nick and Melinda were both lenient with it as long as work got done and nobody came in high or smoked while on the clock. 

Neither could keep the intoxicated little grin off their faces as they blitzed out together. Both were just glad to have each other and their girls.


	10. Chapter 10

Clint lounged with both girls tucked in his arms on the couch while they watched a movie. He still battled pain, but was healing slowly, otherwise he and the girls would have gone with Phil to the grocery store. Phil insisted Clint stay and relax though; he wouldn’t be gone long. 

He didn’t notice that Janie drifted off to sleep until he looked at her and saw her hearing aids on his chest. He smiled and stroked her little ear with his thumb, keeping his touch light so he didn’t wake her, checking for abrasions and irritated spots. He checked her often, knowing how easy a spot could form on a child and it would hurt, and had to show Phil how to properly clean the devices as well. 

Janie’s audiologist had poor bedside manner and only did the bare minimum of time with a patient during a visit. Nobody even bothered to show Phil how to change the batteries, he had to figure it out by accident himself. 

Natasha coming in unexpectedly surprised him, but he managed to not jerk too hard and drop Natalie; looking up at Natasha startled. She leaned over the arm of the couch and bent to him, pecking his forehead. 

“Phil told me to go ahead and come on in ‘cause you’re here alone and don’t hear anyone knocking anyways.” 

“What’s up?” he asked as he adjusted his hold on Natalie, tucking her when she squirmed as she fought sleep. 

Natasha sat on the loveseat, putting her shoes under the coffee table. “Kinda had a massive fire in my building. Everything is just completely gone. Everything. It’s just ruined.”

Clint frowned worriedly and untangled from the girls carefully, putting Janie’s hearing aids on the coffee table as he sat up and stood; crossing over to Natasha and taking her into his arms. He knew she was afraid, but wouldn’t be so quick to admit it yet. 

She let out a slow sigh against his shoulder, feeling her nerves calming again as she curled up to him. “Are you alright, like you weren’t hurt or anything, right?” he asked, his tone soft as he raked his fingers in her hair soothingly. 

“I had to take Pugsley to the vet for smoke inhalation and he got a little too heated trying to get out. Wednesday didn’t survive, she couldn’t escape the tank.”

Clint nodded and kissed her head, taking her hand tight. “Well shit,” he sighed. 

They were still cuddled together when Phil came home with a few bags of groceries, but stood to help him get everything inside. They went out to his car to get a load of bags, staring at the massive amount of clothing; noticing it was all women’s when they saw the stuff piled in the back seat as well. 

Phil came outside to get another load and saw them, giving a little bit of a guilty smile as he shrugged at them. 

Clint grinned goofily, already knowing what Phil had done and why it had taken him so long to get home. “Either you’re a closet drag queen, or,” 

He chuckled, nudging Clint. “I hope you don’t mind, Nat, but I took the liberty of getting a little bit of clothes for you and some toiletries, little bit of essentials.”

Natasha gave him a confused look. “Why?”

Phil shrugged, giving them each an armload of bags. “Because you’re a friend of mine and you’ve lost literally everything. So, you’re gonna stay here with us ‘til you can get a new place and back on your feet; or Clint can plan for an extended stay here and you can use his place ‘til then.”

Clint looked up at him as they took a load inside. “You’d actually want me to stay longer, even after I’m able to actually get around on my own again?”

He nodded, taking Clint’s hand after putting down the bags they carried. “Remember, I told you that I do like having you around? I mean, it’s too soon for that love business, but I can see myself easily wanting to be with you when you’re ready; if you ever want to be with me.”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t think you’d want me to like move in or anything like that.”

Phil huffed a laugh. “Well I don’t have Inspector Gadget arms so holding onto you at night would be a little difficult if you weren’t in the same bed as me. It really feels good having someone to hug all night again that isn’t a wiggle worm who manages to kick me in the face.”

Clint smiled, not noticing that Natasha had slinked away to give them privacy. Phil nudged Clint closer to him and into his arms carefully, holding him tight. Clint chuckled, shaking his head at the unsaid proclamation he knew Phil wanted to say, and hugged his arms around Phil’s chest. 

“You’re a dork,” he teased, tucked into Phil’s shoulder. 

Phil leaned, nuzzling their noses together for a moment before giving Clint a careful little peck; relieved when Clint kissed back instead of pushing him away. 

They stood hugged together for a couple minutes before they were able to pull away from each other to bring in the rest of the bags. Natasha took her bags up to Phil’s guest room to get herself settled in, again thankful that she had a few friends who wouldn’t sit back and let her be homeless. 

While she busied herself setting up the guest in suite bathroom, Clint came in and plopped himself onto the counter. She smiled at him. 

“So, you and Phil, huh?”

He shrugged, unable to keep the grin off his face. “Nothing’s official yet, but he loves Nattie and she’s crazy about him, too. You know I could never be with someone who didn’t accept her as well; after that Tanya bitch, I learned that it’s not about just getting laid anymore. I have to be absolutely sure she’s gonna be safe with whoever I do whatever with.”

She nodded, putting a few essentials in the medicine cabinet. “She’s just lucky the cops got to her first, I was going after her ass armed.”

He sighed and shrugged again. “Well, they always say free pussy will make a guy do stupid shit.” He laughed and stood when Natasha whapped his arm grinning. He hurried away when she grabbed up a back-scrubber brush with handle and chased after him. 

He spotted Phil when he ran downstairs and quickly got behind him, holding Phil in front of him to block Natasha’s weapon; making Phil laugh. Natasha stopped short of running into them, reaching around Phil and hitting Clint with the scrub brush. 

“You’re such an asshole, Clint,” she laughed at him then turned to go back upstairs to finish with the bathroom. 

Phil shook his head, finishing with his task of sorting the mail with Clint’s arms around his middle, then took him over to the loveseat and lounging with Clint against his chest. 

Clint let out a contented sigh, a smile on his face, and burrowed to Phil happily. Phil’s fingers found their way back into Clint’s hair and his nails scratched gently. Phil was sure that if Clint could purr like a cat, he would be doing so loudly. 

That thought made Phil chuckle as he nuzzled against Clint’s head, giving him a light kiss. Clint huffed a laugh, knowing Phil’s thoughts. “Shut up, I’m comfy and I like cuddling.”

Phil shook his head, caressing down Clint’s face slowly. “Good ‘cause I like holding onto you. I don’t know how you caught me, but Nick knew as soon as he met you I was hooked.”

Clint rolled his eyes, grinning, and shook his head. “Like a damn fish.”

Phil shrugged, his hand moving to Clint’s neck; his thumb caressing Clint’s chin. 

“We’ll make this work, we just gotta take things slow; ease the girls into it because we both know a sudden change in their lives can be difficult being so young. Let them see neither of us are trying to replace their mothers or anything like that. And then, we’ll get things settled and make it official to everyone else.”

Clint sat up a little bit and looked at him surprised, a little bit of confusion in his eyes. Phil smiled, brushing hair off Clint’s forehead. “What?” he asked.

He shrugged and shook his head. “It kinda sounds like you wanna make things official between us now and then tell everyone else when we’ve been together for a little bit and we’re sure it’s gonna last.”

“Would that be an issue?”

Clint shook his head again, his mind reeling. He wanted Phil, he felt like he did when he met Kate and got with her so quick. He wanted to love Phil, he wanted to be safe and loved again. He wanted Natalie to have someone else she could look to for love and security. 

“No,” he replied finally, reaching for Phil’s hand. “I mean, you love my baby girl so of course I’m gonna want you even more.”

Phil smiled, amused at Clint’s attempt at playing down his obvious happiness. The look of calm that replaced the confusion revealed how Clint felt; he was deeply in love and wanted him just as much as he wanted Clint. Phil tugged him back down to his side and held him tight again, his smile growing when he saw that goofball grin back on his face. 

################################################################

Later that night, hours after the girls had been tucked into bed, Phil and Clint got ready to relax in the hot tub together. Clint surprised Phil when he cackled seeing the tattoo he had. Again, Phil retold the story of the drunken night out with friends. 

Clint dropped his pants, making Phil snort a laugh, and showed him the tattoo of the Cheshire Cat’s grin he had under his testicles. Phil’s loud laugh brought Natasha outside. She chuckled when she saw them then came to join them in the hot tub. She wasn’t ashamed of being naked in front of either of them and stripped down. 

“I told you both you’re soul mates or something,” she smiled as they settled into the water. She wasn’t surprised when Clint straddled Phil’s lap and tucked into his chest happily. 

Phil rubbed his hands down Clint’s back, dipping under the water and over Clint’s ass slowly. He hesitated for just a moment, until Clint pushed back against his hands encouragingly, before he rubbed on his ass; kneading the flesh. 

Clint gave Natasha a satisfied, little secret smile; sighing as his muscles relaxed with the hot water bubbling around him. He just had to keep from getting aroused in Phil’s lap; that would probably be embarrassing. 

################################################################

The next morning when they woke, Clint’s mouth felt sticky and dry. He went to brush his teeth and drain his bladder, surprised that that didn’t wake him up during the night, needing to get the funky taste out of his mouth. After spitting some of the toothpaste, he suddenly remembered why his mouth felt so sticky. 

He and Phil got a little too high and experimented with chocolate syrup and fellatio. His laugh nearly caused him to lose his toothbrush out of his mouth. They were both pleasantly surprised when they discovered Phil responded well to Clint’s actions. Clint couldn’t wait to be the first man to guide Phil through sexual discovery with him. 

But, they were both almost certain Phil wouldn’t be interested in bottoming in their relationship. That didn’t matter, Clint preferred to bottom with a guy; topping felt too weird for him. 

Teeth brushed and mouth rid of all evidence of their actions, Clint left the bathroom; seeing Natalie run past him and down the stairs, Lucky on her heels. 

“Don’t run, Babygirl, you’ll fall!” he called after her, coming downstairs at a normal pace. 

He heard a loud thunk and Natalie stumble and fall somewhere in the kitchen and sighed. He quickened his stride when she cried out, worried that she was hurt, and got to the kitchen; finding her sitting by the sliding back door. A large smudge on the glass told Clint she had run into the glass in her rush to get outside. He sighed and scooped her up into his arms, hugging her tight as he tried to calm her again. 

Phil came back inside, looking at the smudge on the door then saw Natalie up in Clint’s arms crying. He stepped to them concerned, pausing Clint’s worried pacing to look at Natalie; sighing when he saw the red spot on her forehead. 

“Are you OK, Babygirl?” he asked, rubbing her back slowly. 

Natalie shook her head and hid her face in Clint’s chest; sniffling loud.

“She got excited and didn’t see the door was shut,” Clint told him. “She’ll be fine in a minute, just gotta let her get it out.”

Phil leaned and kissed Natalie’s head. “Yeah,” he sighed worriedly. He hated seeing either of the girls get hurt and felt guilty for shutting the door behind him when he came out with Maisy and Janie. 

After a few minutes they went outside, Phil gave the sliding door a little bit of a kick to nudge it to be a little more difficult to shut. He didn’t want one of the girls pulling it shut and then getting hurt again. Natalie stayed with Clint for a little while longer before going off to play with Janie and the dogs. 

Clint moved to Phil’s side in the little porch swing on the deck, smiling as they snugged together and watched the girls playing in the yard.


	11. Chapter 11

After a week passed Clint, Natalie, and Lucky were semi-permanently moved in with Phil, Janie, and Maisy. Natasha settled into Clint’s house, grateful for the offer so she could have a roof over her head again and be safe. They knew they wouldn’t have to worry about her in the questionable neighborhood, she knew how to fight hard and unlike Clint because he had a small child in the home; she kept a gun. 

Clint wanted to look at getting his own car, not wanting to have to rely on Phil for every time he needed a quick ride somewhere; but Phil just told him not to stress and added him to his insurance policy. That commitment was something Clint would have never suspected, it was something he considered a major step in a relationship. 

He didn’t have much experience dating so he didn’t know if other people were like that though. But, he had his own habits and such.

Nick and Melinda noticed their relationship almost instantly, both snugged just a little bit closer than they realized at work and Phil’s caresses were a little more intimate now. Clint always grinned whenever Phil was around so that wasn’t much to go on with their suspicions, but they saw his emotions in his eyes. Any time he saw Phil he had a look of adoration and so much love, Nick and Melinda were already planning to attend their wedding. 

Summer vacation meant that the girls had to come to work with their fathers. Phil hated leaving Janie in the office day care center; the supervisors were not trained in sign language and always complained whenever Maisy came along with Janie. Clint didn’t like leaving Natalie there because the other children were little assholes to her. The supervisors always claimed they were legally not allowed to intervene in a case of bullying. So, Phil kept the girls with him in his office. 

Nick didn’t complain because they never prevented Phil from doing his work, even if he came in and Phil had one of them tucked into his lap he was busy working and rocking her. Phil was a professional multitasker and Nick teased him about it every chance he saw. 

Clint strolled in around lunch time, grinning as he plopped down in his usual little chair and slouched. He only slouched now to make Phil smile, it was a little bit of a joke between them. Phil grinned at him, finishing the little portion he was typing, then turned to face him; putting his feet up on the edge of the desk. They almost mirrored their positions from one of their first conversations together. 

He let out a sigh, resisting the urge to beckon Clint over into his arms; he wanted to hold Clint all the time and always had him snugged in his arms at home. 

“So, we’ve made it a full month without stabbing each other,” Clint said with a grin, putting his feet against the edge of Phil’s desk and bending his knees up; a little bit of residual back pain still lingered so he couldn’t hold the slouch for very long at a time without the muscles pulling too tight. 

Phil nodded, drumming against the armrest of his chair idly. “And since we don’t do anything the conventional way, like ever, we should do us and celebrate tonight. But, do we wanna go somewhere fancy or our usual spot at Ryker’s?” 

Clint shrugged, picking Natalie up and putting her against his chest when she came over to him. “Go to Ryker’s we can bring the girls, somewhere fancy would prohibit kids from going inside. Save having to call for Gloria.”

“She’s really been slacking off so much lately,” he huffed, shaking his head. “I want to look for someone different, but I don’t know anyone who will take both girls for the price she charges.”

He shrugged again, fidgeting for a moment. He looked like he didn’t want to mention something. Phil frowned worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

Clint sighed and shook his head. “I was gonna say I could get my brother to come down and he’d watch them for us; he’s actually not as bad as people think really. I mean sure he did time for petty theft but that was when he was barely nineteen and stupid. He’s done his time and paid his dues, but people still treat him like a criminal.”

“Well, if you say we can trust him, I’m inclined to believe you so we can ask him. I mean, I can understand the stupidity of youth; I have a cat tattoo on my ass ‘cause I was young and stupid. I’ll give him a chance knowing his past doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy now, right?”

Clint smiled a little bit. “You’d really do that for him?”

Phil shrugged. “Well, if you trust him he can’t be awful; especially if you let him around Nattie.”

With that settled, Phil got back to work. Clint had already finished his morning tasks and now had to just wait for Phil to need him to do something. They would go easy for their first month anniversary date and go to Ryker’s Diner with the girls and save their six-month anniversary to go somewhere fancy. 

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After work Phil and Clint went to the diner with the girls for dinner. Naturally the girls and Bucky were happy that they chose to celebrate at the diner and per policy they were given their dinner for free. Celebration tabs always got picked up by Natasha personally but it wasn’t a well-known secret; only a select few had the privilege.

They ignored the few dirty looks they received from out of towners passing through to the next town over. It was a tourist trap town and everyone from Wells hated going over the city limits into Lawton. Personally, Clint hated the filthy beaches and never could go out to one of them without finding multiple drug needles in the sand. 

Phil hated all the skimpy bikinis that were in fashion that barely had a piece of string covering a woman’s labia. They couldn’t bring the girls out to the beaches ever. 

Their meal was luckily peaceful, despite the stares. They weren’t inappropriately affectionate with each other, they sat beside each other in their usual booth with the girls sitting across from them. Clint would occasionally lean in for a little bit of a kiss from Phil but otherwise they were tame in public. Under the table their feet occasionally rubbed and nudged playfully.

Daisy and the girls stopped to visit with the customers, it kept them coming back for the friendly service and the comradery with the girls. It pleased everyone to have a place that was friendly and indiscriminate. Natasha knew how to run a business and keep people coming back regularly. 

Clint always told her it was the food that kept people coming, but she knew her girls had a strong hand in return business. 

Daisy always stopped at Clint and Phil’s table whenever all her customers were taken care of at the moment, it was normal for a customer to call out when something was needed anyways; it wasn’t against Natasha’s rule to call out unless the customer was being rude. Daisy knew she could sit a minute and hang out with them. 

She smiled as she sat beside Natalie and Janie, leaning to peck Janie’s head when Janie leaned to hug her. 

“Hey, guess what?” Natalie said, sitting up on her knees to look over at Daisy over Janie’s head; smiling. 

Daisy chuckled, playfully feeding Janie as she pretended to be a little hungry fish. “What, chicken butt?” she replied. Clint snorted a laugh when Natalie giggled loud, knowing she was going to quickly pick that up and repeat it to everyone she met. 

“No,” she laughed, squirming when Daisy reached over and tickled her neck. “My Uncle Barney is gonna come and help Daddy and be our new nanny.”

“I didn’t know you have a brother,” she smiled at Clint. “Is he cute?”

Clint snorted again. “He’s my brother, I ain’t gonna ever see him as anything but the loveable asshole who basically raised me.”

“Did he do the circus thing, too?”

He nodded, grinning. “Yes, and you’re a perv,” he replied, shaking his head at her. “But, I’m more flexible ‘cause I also trained with the acrobats and stuff. Used to do those ribbon things hanging from the ceiling, but I fell when it broke off and had to stop doing it. Hurt like hell falling, but I managed to land half way on one of the elephants on my way down.”

Daisy grinned at Phil next. He just chuckled and shook his head, knowing her question that was bubbling to the surface. 

“Not in front of the girls,” he told her with a knowing, sly little grin. “But, basically yes it comes in handy.”

She laughed, giving both girls a quick peck before standing to tend to a new group of customers. Phil noticed that Clint tensed up when he spotted them and felt him grab onto his thigh under the table. 

“Are you alright?” he asked concerned, taking Clint’s hand off his thigh and holding it tight. 

Clint shook his head, trying to keep from trembling obviously. “No, that big guy there. He’s one of the idiots who always tries to pick fights with me. He’s a few houses down from mine; he’s such an asshole.”

Phil frowned worriedly and tucked Clint in closer to his side. “Well, he won’t say anything to you now; not while I’m around. I won’t let him harass you.”

Clint let out a slow sigh to calm himself, trying to focus his attention on his food and the fact that he and Phil were celebrating an anniversary. He wanted to be like the dorky people who gushed about being so in love with their partner. He didn’t want to ruin the fun by being afraid and causing a confrontation with the huge biker. 

Phil loved on Clint to help calm him, hugging and nuzzling on him as they ate; making him at least grin a little bit when he playfully fed Clint. Being silly together would help Clint feel better. Phil didn’t care that he looked ridiculously in love, he just focused on loving Clint. 

Thankfully Daisy put the group on the other side of the dining room away from Clint. It helped him more to keep focused on Phil and their girls. 

################################################################

Clint woke startled when he felt the bed thumping hard, instinctively reaching out for Natalie when he saw lightning flashing outside the bedroom window. After a minute the girls were still, allowing Clint to be able to sit up and get his hearing aids into his ears. He saw Phil helping Janie with hers, cringing at the loud boom of thunder that instantly shook everything. Natalie scrambled into his lap terrified. 

“Jesus, friggin heart attack,” he huffed, holding Natalie close. 

Phil smiled as he cuddled Janie in her little blanket, not surprised when Maisy jumped up onto the foot of the bed. “You’re lucky you didn’t hear the first blast. I levitated at least two feet out of a dead ass sleep.”

Clint leaned over and kissed him, grinning. “Aw, don’t worry I’ll cuddle you, too, and keep the thunder away.”

He snorted and shook his head as they laid down and bundled the girls between them. He knew Janie would most likely fall asleep again soon but chose to keep her hearing aids in for a little bit so she could hear his soothings as he nuzzled and kissed on her face. Natalie was already half asleep against Clint, snarking herself awake a few times. Phil snorted quietly when Clint playfully poked at Natalie’s eyes, gently because he wasn’t an asshole to his baby girl, and made her finally close her eyes. Though she had a tiny smile on her face as she settled against him. 

When she finally surrendered to the sandman, Clint let out a quiet sigh and kissed her forehead. Phil leaned over and gave her temple a gentle peck before leaning farther to reach Clint and give him a kiss as well. Clint nipped at Phil’s lip lightly, grinning as Phil bopped his nose as he pulled back. 

“You’re still a dork,” Clint whispered. 

Phil snicked and rolled his eyes, smiling. “Love you, too, dorkbutt.” 

When Janie was finally sleeping, Phil took out her hearing aids and passed them to Clint so he could put them beside his on the nightstand. Clint grinned when Phil leaned over the girls for another kiss before they settled to go back to sleep, hoping the roaring storm outside didn’t wake the girls again. 

Phil reached his leg over and tangled it with Clint’s, smiling as his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep. Clint tucked to Natalie, holding onto her protectively as his eyes closed slowly. 

Neither stirred when Lucky came into the room and laid at the foot of the bed with Maisy. Both knew the dogs would keep the girls safe and help them not be afraid as they slumbered.


	12. Chapter 12

Again Nick and Melinda invited everyone out to the lake house for the July 4th festivities. Phil didn’t make Janie wear her hearing aids, she would spend most of the day swimming in the lake and the fireworks noises would be too loud for her. She learned to enjoy the colored explosions without the noises that scared the other little children. 

Phil always made sure to point out the ones that she’d want to see anyways. 

Clint kept his hearing aids in so he could at least have conversation with everyone, but he too would have to remove them when the loud explosions happened. He had a headset for Natalie to wear so her hearing wasn’t damaged later. 

He just had to make sure he checked on her often as she and the other kids played in the lake. Bucky and Steve were out there with the kids, Natalie clinged to Bucky’s back still unable to swim very well, watching all of them and playing with them. Clint wasn’t worried that Natalie would be hurt out on the water, especially with Bucky so close, but he couldn’t fight the fatherly instincts. 

While he stood at the shoreline, watching the kids, he felt Phil’s arms wrap around his waist. He smiled instantly and reached for Phil’s hand. Phil landed a kiss on Clint’s neck before putting his chin down on Clint’s shoulder; giving a contented sigh as his arms tightened around Clint. 

Off behind them in the yard, some of their friends watched the two. Natasha couldn’t keep the smile off her face, glad that they were slowly getting closer to each other and finding that love they both missed so much. 

“So, who wants in the pool on when we’ll hear wedding bells for those two?” Nick asked, working the grill; decked out in a dorky apron and an even more ridiculous chef’s hat; all on Melinda’s order for losing a bet with her the night before. 

Of course she would have found an apron and matching hat covered in penises just to tease her husband. 

“How much are we betting?” Tony asked, immediately drawn to the betting pool. Pepper rolled her eyes and shook her head at him exasperated. 

Nick shrugged, taking another plate of uncooked meats from Mack and giving him the plate of cooked burgers. Daisy and Jemma were busy with cutting the fixings for the burgers. Darcy was inside finishing the potato salad and throwing together a quick pasta salad. 

“I think twenty oughta do it,” he replied, rolling a few hotdogs on the grill for the children. 

“Alright, I’m in,” he grinned, ducking a swipe from Pepper with a laugh. She reached over and flicked his ear for his troubles, shaking her head again before turning back to her conversation with Melinda. 

“Yeah, I’ll get in on that, too.” Daisy put in grinning. Jemma nodded as well. 

“I say in a year’s time.” Jemma smiled, working at peeling a few lettuce leaves for the burgers. She couldn’t handle cutting the onions and kept wiping her eyes as the wind blew the vapors toward her.

Daisy shook her head, also wiping her eyes from the onion but wanting to get it done. “Six months,” she replied, watching Tony writing everything down. 

“Three,” he countered with a grin. 

They turned to Nick, he just smiled and shrugged. “Year and a half,” he said, turning a few burgers.

Phil finally managed to get Clint to come back to the main group and sit with everyone at the long row of tables. Clint sat down beside Daisy, reaching to help cut fixings. Phil had to get to work making the guacamole, nobody else was allowed to make it when everyone gathered. Everyone gushed about the way Phil did it. Nick always provided the stuff he needed to make it, but Melinda wouldn’t let him even attempt to do it. 

Nick was in charge of grilling the meats only. That, everyone knew he could cook. He wasn’t even allowed to season the meats, that was Melinda’s task alone. 

Clint couldn’t stop grinning while Phil’s foot stroked his under the table, nudging him playfully with his shoulder. Phil leaned over and kissed him again, smiling. Clint grinned wide, snugging to Phil’s side as they worked on their tasks. 

################################################################

After dinner, timing everything to be finished in time for the fireworks, everyone gathered at the shoreline and settled in the sand to watch the show. They were joined by some of the others who owned lake houses, a crowd forming thick. 

Clint and Phil sat close to the water to assure that their girls would be able to see everything and not have some rude adult standing in front of them knowing they were kids and would want to see the colored explosions. 

Clint had his hearing aids out and tucked into his jacket pocket with Janie’s, settling a pair of noise canceling ear muffs on Natalie and sitting her in his lap. Janie stood between Phil and Clint, her arms hugged around Phil’s neck as they waited for the show to start. Lucky and Maisy sat close to their charges, ready to assist them. 

Natalie tensed a little startled at the first explosion of color, not expecting the sudden visual; the ear muffs kept all the loud noise out, and she was relieved. She did not like loud noises. She settled against Clint when he tightened his arms around her and held onto her though. She felt safe against Clint. 

Phil was busy pointing out some of the smaller light displays to Janie, she liked the ones that zipped around and whistled shrilly. They had a method that worked best for them when she wasn’t wearing her hearing aids. 

Clint moved to a crouch when the crowd got a little closer to them, keeping Natalie between his knees as he held onto her. He noticed Phil copy his stance as Maisy sat beside them. He knew Lucky was behind him watching his back with the crowd. 

Phil tapped Clint to get his attention, signing at him to check out the guy standing directly behind him. Clint looked back then shook his head at Phil, signing that it was only Barney coming over to block the bulk of the crowd. 

Barney was protective of Clint and didn’t let strangers get too close. He didn’t trust strangers around the girls either. 

Phil studied Barney for another minute before a bright flash illuminated his face and Phil was able to recognize him finally. He nodded, reaching over for Clint’s hand, smiling as he leaned in for another kiss. Clint huffed a laugh when he felt Barney’s foot kick his ass gently, knowing his brother was shaking his head at them. 

He gave Phil another kiss just to annoy his brother. He was glad to have Barney close again and that he was keeping out of trouble. Barney was making a true attempt at doing his life right now, not wanting to return to jail for something stupid.

An hour later the fireworks were done. Phil and Clint took the girls back up toward the house to help them get back into a pair of shorts over their swimsuits. Natalie couldn’t find her little shirt so Clint wrapped her in his jacket so she would start to warm up again. Janie was almost asleep where she stood getting dressed, Phil had to lean her against his shoulder and help her maneuver so she didn’t fall over. 

He couldn’t help smiling when she turned as he pulled up her shorts and leaned on his shoulder and kissed her head as he nudged a little button up shirt onto her. He picked her up as he stood, letting her wrap her legs around his middle, and grabbed her little beach bag to follow Clint out to the car. 

They settled the girls into their seats and put the dogs between them.

Phil took Clint’s hand as he drove, trying not to tense when someone sped past them whooping and hollering loud. He shook his head, kicking his own speed down, when he realized the group in the speeding car were all drunk. He did not want to be in a wreck with a drunk driver. 

Another three vehicles sped past them, one yelling that he was going too slow, all loud and obviously drinking. One passenger threw a beer bottle out of the back passenger window at Phil’s car, it missed by a distance and shattered in the road; but Phil still sighed as he drove around the glass mess, shaking his head. 

“Stupid bastards,” Clint grumbled, looking back through the rearview mirror. He looked back at the girls, seeing Janie already sleeping curled up under her blanket. Natalie yawned at him and stretched as best as she could in her seat, fighting going to sleep. He smiled at her when she let out a little tired snark and squirmed in an attempt to keep awake. 

He watched her for another minute before turning back toward the front, his grip on Phil’s hand tightening. Phil leaned over for a moment and gave him a quick peck, hearing another rambunctious group speeding past them. 

Clint shook his head, rubbing Phil’s hand. “Let them go past all they want, there’s a check point up there somewhere that’ll get their drunk asses if they aren’t caught speeding first. We’ll be fine going under the speed limit for now, it’s not like we’re in a hurry to get home, right?”

Phil nodded, letting out a slow sigh. Clint always knew how to calm his worries and fears when he got to thinking about the wreck that took Audrey. 

When another three cars sped past them, Phil had to pull over to the side of the road. He let out a breath, groaning, and rubbed his forehead. “Goddammit,” he mumbled. 

Clint frowned concerned. “Want me to take over?”

He sighed slowly, closing his eyes for a minute, then nodded slightly. They quickly got out of the car and switched seats, Clint took Phil’s hand after they were settled and pulled back onto the road carefully. He kept the slower speed, knowing Phil was upset with everyone else going by so fast and uncaring about their own safety and the safety of their passengers. 

Nearly an hour later they were finally home and inside their house safe. Clint put Natalie in the tub, she was still awake but losing the battle slowly, to wash the lake water out of her hair before bed. Phil would have to worry about Janie in the morning, surprised that she was so exhausted but expecting it with how hard she played. 

Phil put Janie in a nightgown before settling her in her bed, making sure Maisy was tucked beside her, then stepped over to Natalie’s little bed to set it up so Clint only had to put her down and cover her up. As he left the bedroom he saw Lucky trot into his and Clint’s room and jump up onto the foot of their bed. He smiled at the old mutt as he searched for a pair of pajama pants. 

Clint came in fifteen minutes later, seeing Phil lounged in bed waiting for him; reading another book. He grinned tiredly as he stripped down to his underwear, too tired to worry about finding pants he got into bed beside Phil and snugged to him. He leaned up for a quick kiss before taking his hearing aids out again and putting them on the nightstand. Phil smiled as Clint stretched out beside him, his arm tucked around Clint as he held the book on Clint’s hip to reach it and still hold onto him. 

He would read until he couldn’t keep his eyes opened anymore and then surrender to sleep with Clint tucked beside him, using him as a pillow. Clint always said that being able to feel Phil’s heartbeat calmed him down almost as well as hearing it. Phil didn’t mind being used for a pillow, it meant he got to keep Clint in his arms all night. 

He would be stupid to complain about that.


	13. Chapter 13

August came and went, bringing along a not so major argument between Clint and Phil; but it was enough that their friends knew something happened. Nick and Natasha, not wanting to see their best friends hurting, stepped up to mediate and help the two see each other’s side. Phil, after finding something questionable about Barney’s behavior, wanted to do a background check on him. It was a reasonable action, he had to know who he was bringing around his daughter. Clint felt like Phil lost trust in his judgement and got upset that nobody wanted to trust Barney. He was young and stupid at the time of his theft charge and conviction. 

But now he was almost fifteen years sober from alcohol, he never touched drugs and had multiple clean results of drug testing that he still subjected himself to willingly to prove that. Sure, he no longer was on probation so he legally didn’t have to take the drug testing, but he did it to further prove he was turning himself around. 

Clint threatening to keep his only niece away and the fear of losing Clint as well scared Barney into wanting to do right. He only had Clint and Natalie in his life that was a constant good. He didn’t want to lose them. 

So, after that fiasco, and Natasha getting through to Clint that since Barney didn’t have anything wrong with his record since getting released, it wouldn’t pose an issue with Phil; the argument was fizzled before it got bad. They were just both relieved that any harshness they had toward each other wasn’t said in front of their girls. 

Both knew arguing in front of their children was one of the worst things they could do to them. Clint knew from personal experience, seeing his father beat on his mother constantly, and still fought flashbacks from everything. He went as far as going to anger management classes while Kate was still pregnant so he could better deal with any frustration he might feel toward his baby girl or his late wife. 

Phil didn’t have both parents growing up, but a rare boyfriend of his mother’s usually turned out to be an asshole to her and her kids. He always remembered the fear he felt whenever they would fight and argue with each other. He didn’t want that for his daughter. 

September brought the start of first grade for the girls. Clint was excited, moreso than the girls, about school starting up again. He couldn’t wait to get the school items lists and check out the back to school clothes for Natalie. Of course, he splurged on her and his own wardrobe shrunk again. After Phil turned all his bleached clothes into garage rags, he barely had anything to wear for the weekends. But, for everything Phil repurposed he replaced. He wouldn’t let Clint suffer without basic necessities. 

Phil didn’t spazz out as bad as Clint for back to school time, it worried him because children were often bullies to Janie. But, Clint’s excitement was contagious sometimes. 

The girls just glared at the back to school displays at the store. Clint had to hide one cutout after Natalie moodily kicked it, tired from shopping and irritated about having to try on new clothes. He didn’t get on to her about her outburst, he expected her to act out being so grumpy, but put her in the cart to keep her from breaking something he couldn’t afford. 

She just sat in the cart with her arms across her chest, huffing moodily as she fought going to sleep where she sat. 

Clint was surprised when they met up with Phil around a corner, but relieved when he saw Phil went to the little McDonald’s inside the store and bought drinks for everyone. Natalie moved over to Phil’s cart, standing up and hugging to him. He frowned concerned at Clint.

He just shook his head. “She’s sleepy and grumpy, she’ll be fine once we’re done here; always hates shopping.”

“It’s boring!” Natalie whined, pouting as she took a sip of the Icee Phil bought for her. She was grumpy and tired but she wasn’t about to turn away the frozen treat. 

Clint mimicked her tone, fighting a laugh. “I know Babygirl,” he replied as they walked again. “But, you need this stuff for school.”

Phil snorted a laugh and kissed Natalie’s head when she rolled her eyes as she tucked against him. Janie stood on the end of the cart, her own Icee cup tucked in a corner so it wouldn’t spill. She hated shopping but knew she had to get it done so she didn’t complain much. Phil kissed and nuzzled on Natalie, hoping to keep her calmed down enough they could finish getting stuff. Clint used the empty space in the cart to arrange everything to fit better, not stressing about Natalie not being inside the cart he pushed. He knew she was just fine with Phil in his cart. 

Taking mercy on Natalie and her so far failing mood, Clint and Phil finished shopping faster than they had planned. They both knew Natalie wouldn’t act out in the store no matter how tired she was, she would fluff up some of the clothes and lie down before pitching a fit. But, they wanted out of the store just as much as she did. 

Clint loaded the girls into their car seats as Phil put their bags in the trunk, making sure both girls were snugged properly. He leaned and gave Natalie’s forehead a light peck as she huffed again. 

“You can take a nap on the way home if you wanna, Babygirl,” he told her, then leaned over and pecked Janie; brushing her hair off her face. “You can, too. Then, after you’re both rested and wake up again we’ll see about making some of the cookies and sweet stuff I snuck past Phil.”

He snorted a laugh when he saw Natalie grin instantly; cookies always made her feel better and Clint always let her help him make everything from scratch. Janie smiled happily at him. 

“Did you get the sprinkles, too?”

Clint nodded. “Yes, I got a big box of all kinds of sprinkles shakers. You both can use as much as you want.”

Natalie snugged to get comfortable, stifling a yawn as Clint stood straight and shut the door to help Phil get the rest of the bags in the trunk. He wasn’t surprised when he saw most everything already arranged so nothing got smushed or broke. 

They loaded the bags and got into the car. Phil reached for Clint’s hand after getting buckled, feeling better about driving in thick traffic if he got to hold onto Clint. It kept his mind from wandering. 

By the time they got home, both girls slept hard. They carried them inside and snugged them in bed before going out to carry some of the stuff from the trunk inside the house. Phil grabbed an armload and followed Clint to the den. 

“So, what do we wanna do for dinner tonight?”

Clint shrugged as they sat to sort some of the stuff they bought. “We have that stuff for tacos, if you wanna do easy. Nattie isn’t much for the hard shell but she’ll just crumble it all together.”

Phil nodded, looking at one of the new outfits for Janie. “For an almost six-year-old, she’s a good little eater. Never met a kid who liked spinach as much as she does.”

Clint huffed a laugh, putting aside a growing stack of loose leaf paper and composition notebooks. “But put an onion that isn’t fried anywhere near her she acts like it’s poison. She’ll gag if she touches the skin that’s flaked off.”

He was distracted when Lucky came into the den and sat in front of him, putting his head down on Clint’s knee and whining at him. Clint turned to him concerned, scratching behind Lucky’s ears. 

“I was gone two hours, you big baby,” he laughed at the dog. “I can’t exactly take you into stupid Wal-Mart ‘cause dogs aren’t allowed inside.”

Phil smiled when he saw Maisy headed upstairs to Janie. “Whoever trained him did good if he gets so concerned when you go somewhere without him.”

He nodded, giving Lucky’s head a kiss as the dog settled. “He was expensive but thankfully my insurance helped pay for him, he was trained by an Army guy so you know he’s got that discipline and efforts ingrained. He’s such a baby still.”

Phil snorted a laugh and shook his head when Lucky jumped up onto the couch between them and laid down with his head on Clint’s thigh. His tail thumped against Phil as Clint loved on him. Phil didn’t mind the fanning as he continued to sort through everything. He was long accustomed to having a large, furry child lying on him from having Maisy for so long. She rarely left Janie’s side. 

With everything in sorted stacks and ready to go into drawers, Clint nudged Lucky off the couch and moved to snuggle with Phil. As he got comfortable, Lucky jumped back up and laid on their legs as they lounged together. Clint let out a sigh, smiling when Phil’s arms wrapped tight around him and held him close. 

Phil peppered Clint’s shoulder and neck with kisses while Clint searched for something to watch on TV, feeling drowsiness creeping up on him. Clint stopped on a random show when he heard Phil snoring lightly and took out his hearing aids to rest his ears for a while. He couldn’t help smiling when Lucky nudged the blanket off the back of the couch and over them, snugging back against Phil comfortably and closing his eyes. 

################################################################

Everyone woke late from their afternoon naps. Clint had to wash Natalie’s bedding, she still had a wetting accident occasionally and he couldn’t send her to the toilet before putting her down in bed that time. Both girls still had their mattresses in the plastic from the store specifically for the wetting episodes. 

He expected Phil to be upset, but Phil just took everything in stride; knowing Natalie wasn’t even six yet and couldn’t exactly help it sometimes. He just helped Clint put the soiled linens in the washing machine and put clean linens on Natalie’s bed before they started dinner. 

Clint took care of chopping the tomatoes and everything for tacos while Phil cooked the meat. 

The girls sat up on the breakfast bar, watching Phil as he worked; both waiting for him to turn his back on the skillet so they could sneak a piece of the meat. He knew their trick and didn’t mind when they thought they got one over on him, but he had to make sure it was cooked first and that it wasn’t in the hot skillet before they snuck a piece. 

He took the hot skillet when the meat was done and dumped the meat into a colander to rinse the grease off and cool the meat down a little bit; letting it sit a minute so he could rinse the skillet. When he brought the colander back over to the counter, he laughed as two little hands inched out for a piece of meat. Natalie followed hers with a little pinch of lettuce from the pile Clint was cutting. 

She giggled when Clint looked up at her, giving him an attempt at an innocent grin. “Saw that, you little turd,” he smiled at her; making her giggle and squirm as he poked her ribs playfully. 

Phil took the smaller dish of diced tomatoes so he could start on the guacamole for the tacos, laughing when Janie cringed at the diced onions he reached for next. 

“Why do nunions smell like old men?” she asked, turning to watch him as he worked. 

He and Clint laughed at that. “What do you mean, Baby?” he asked smiling at her. 

Janie shrugged, getting another piece of meat and a little pinch of shredded cheese. “Old men smell like nunions and peppermints.”

“It’s ‘cause they sweat like pigs and it’s stinky,” Natalie told her, sitting with her legs over the side of the bar beside Clint; letting them swing as she watched him. “And they don’t like wearing deodorant ‘cause they think it makes them smell like flowers and girl stuff. It’s gross.”  
Clint couldn’t help laughing at her explanation, shaking his head amused. 

“Sounds like someone’s already asked about that,” Phil huffed a laugh. 

Clint shook his head. “She was barely four, visiting Kate’s dad in the nursing home. I mean, she waited until we were in the elevator but there was a nurse with us and I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t think of anything else to tell her.”

Phil shrugged, turning to put the taco shells into the oven to warm and the tortilla wraps in the microwave before going back to mixing the guacamole. He had a bowl of refried beans and Mexican style rice ready to go into the microwave next. The rice was already cooked but he needed to warm it up again. 

He looked around when he realized it had been a couple hours since he last saw Barney. Clint noticed his glance and looked around. Usually Barney lurked somewhere in a corner watching over him. 

“He probably went off with his girlfriend or something for a little bit when he saw we were all asleep,” he said, finding his phone tucked under a piece of paper on the bar. He checked for messages and nodded when he found one from Barney. “Yeah, he’s off with Bucky playing paintball.”

Phil nodded, turning back to the food. “I don’t mean to worry but he tends to sneak up on us; saves me a heart attack if I can expect him.”

Clint leaned over the bar and to Phil for a kiss, smiling. Phil obliged happily, snorting when the girls both giggled at them. He was happy that their girls were so happy in their shared lives and hoped to keep that happiness as they grew older. He hoped that Clint and Natalie would be with him and Janie for a long time coming.


	14. Chapter 14

The first day of school came quickly. Clint and Phil woke the girls and started to get them ready for the day. Janie wanted to wear her new grey plaid skirt and red leggings. Phil had to remind her that she needed a shirt as well, in her drowsiness she almost walked out of the bedroom without one. She flopped while he went through her shirt options with her before eventually choosing a bright neon pink tank top shirt. Phil knew the colors wouldn’t go together, and it was a little too chilly for a tank top, so he tried to get her to choose the black sweater that came with the skirt, but she was adamant that she wanted to wear the pink. 

“How about if you wear the pink shirt under the sweater just until school starts and you’re inside for a while?” he tried to compromise, always willing to try that route before putting his foot down with her. 

Janie flopped again, rolling over onto her stomach and sticking her butt up in the air at him. 

He snorted as he sat down on the side of her bed, bopping her butt playfully with the pink shirt. She giggled and shook her hips again, squirming away when he poked her sides and tickled her. Janie sat up and pouted at him, holding up the pink shirt when she got it from him. 

Phil sighed and kissed her forehead. “Yes, you can wear the pink one; but at least put the sweater on until you get into your classroom then you can take it off and keep it off all day if you want.”

She huffed and laid down. “Why do I gotta wear it?”

Phil leaned over her, brushing her hair off her face. “Because it’s going to be kinda cold outside first thing in the mornings but it’s not cold enough for your big coat yet. If you have a sweater on over your little shirt, you won’t be cold while you’re waiting for school to start. Then, when you get to your classroom you can take the sweater off and not be hot inside all day.”

Janie groaned and rolled away from him again, finally surrendering. “Okay, but I get to not put my hair up no more. Everyone sees my ears and makes fun of me and I don’t like it.”

Phil frowned as he helped her dress the rest of the way, fluffing her longer black locks out of the sweater and around her shoulders to cover her hearing aids. He knew it would muffle some of the noise, she heard better with her hair pulled up, but he didn’t want her going into first grade worrying about bullies already. 

“Those other kids can stick it,” he grumbled, looking out toward the hallway when he heard Clint coming out of the bathroom with Natalie. 

Natalie was still half asleep, despite taking a bath when she got out of bed, as she leaned against the side of her bed while Clint searched for clothes. Unlike Janie, she didn’t really care what she wore as long as it covered her butt. Phil snorted a laugh at her when she slid down to the floor with her towel and flailed out like she was bored of waiting. 

Clint gathered a pair of leggings and a long sleeved, baggy baseball style shirt then sat down to help her get dressed. “Well you could’ve put underwear on already,” he laughed when he saw her bare butt, going to one of her drawers to get a pair of underwear and socks for her. 

Phil turned to Janie. “You remembered underwear, right?” he asked, pulling the waistband of her skirt and leggings to check. Janie sighed and shook her head at him, squirming when he let the waistbands snap back into place with a grin. After adjusting her skirt again, she climbed up beside him to get help with her socks. 

Clint got Natalie dressed, despite her loose-limbed flopping. She was not a morning kid, but he was used to dressing her while she did her best impression of a boned fish. He picked up her hair brush as she sat between his feet to fix her hair. 

“No barrettes, they hurt too much,” she told him. 

He nodded as he brushed her hair carefully, working out the few tangles he couldn’t get in the bathtub. He didn’t want to pull her hair, but he knew he had to tug a little bit; still he felt bad when she cringed and tensed. 

“You need a short haircut or something, it’s getting too long and tangles so much now.”

Natalie shrugged, rubbing her eye drowsily. “Just don’t make me look like a boy,” she yawned. 

Finally, the girls were dressed and ready, Janie a little bouncy and Natalie shuffling her feet and dragging her backpack behind her down the stairs. Janie grabbed hold of Maisy’s leash, having orders from her Audiologist that she had to keep Maisy with her at school now, and followed Phil out to the car. 

Clint fought back a sigh as he waited for Natalie to shuffle her way into her seat, shutting the door when she sat down and started to buckle herself in then got into the passenger seat. Phil sat down after settling Janie, grabbing for Clint’s hand instinctively. Clint moved on muscle memory with the action now, smiling a little bit as Phil drove. 

################################################################

Following a somewhat tearful drop off at school, Janie was nervous about the other kids making fun of her still and Clint didn’t want to watch Natalie take off to play without needing him, Phil and Clint got to work. Phil didn’t tease Clint about his heartache over Natalie growing up, he knew how it felt to watch his little girl do something without him for the first time. But, he did make a quick stop to get Clint’s favorite coffee and donuts to help him feel better. 

After a couple hours at his own desk, Clint eventually found his way into Phil’s office and in his usual chair. “Is it bad that I wanna sneak over and check on Nattie at school?”

Phil smiled sympathetically at him. “First week of Kindergarten I snuck over every day on my lunch break. I was the only single father there.”

Clint snickered and shook his head. “Melinda threatened to fire me ‘cause I didn’t want to leave Nattie. Apparently, at that time, accounting wouldn’t survive without me.” He let out an all too dramatic sigh, sliding down in the chair a little bit. 

Before Phil could respond, his desk phone rang. Clint leaned over and rested his chin on the desk and pouted at Phil while he talked on the phone, making Phil fight laughter and flick a little piece of crumpled paper at him. He shook his head when he put the phone down and Clint was on his knees in front of the desk pouting. 

“Now I know where Nattie gets it.”

Clint whined a little bit at him. “This sucks,” he huffed. “I miss her and it really sucks.”

“We can go over and look in on them at lunch. I’m kinda curious about how they’re treating Janie with Maisy anyways.” He laughed when Clint slid to the floor and continued to pout, knowing he wasn’t trying to disturb anything. It was just difficult being away from their girls all day while they were at school.

He just shook his head as he got back to his work. Clint eventually pulled himself out of the floor, still missing Natalie, and sat down again to wait for Phil to send him after something. 

################################################################

At lunch, they took a quick ride over to the school to check on the girls and soothe Clint’s worry. The K-3 grade classes were currently at recess and playing on the playground. They spotted Natalie and Janie easily, Maisy was at Janie’s side, but noticed their girls were sitting away from the rest of the kids playing with each other. 

“Should we?” Phil asked, drumming the steering wheel. 

Clint sighed slowly, frowning. He saw one group of boys a little way behind the girls and could tell they were talking about them. “We should,” he replied, getting out of the car. 

Phil followed, startled; he didn’t think Clint would actually want to get out of the car, and caught up with him at the gate leading to the playground. As he looked out at the girls again, he spotted the group of boys. It was obvious to him as well that they were talking bad about the girls. 

“I can’t tell what that one little shit is saying, he’s too far away.”

Clint shook his head, his sharp vision seeing the boy easily, and read the boy’s lips. He huffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head when he realized their girls weren’t in any real danger of being hurt by the boys. 

“Okay, they’re just going on about the girls being lesbians ‘cause they don’t wanna play with them. Little assholes; thought they were plotting something mean by the way they were pointing and huddled like that.”

Phil let out a relieved breath and shook his head. “I don’t get why boys are so mean now,” he said as they started back toward his car. “I mean sure we grew up doing the cooties thing but we weren’t like that, were we?”

Clint shrugged. “I really avoided girls ‘til I met Natasha then got with Kate. All the girls in the circus were way too old and we just didn’t get together like that there. Too much drama if there were issues or something.”

Phil reached for Clint’s hand as he drove away from the school, his mind now at ease again, and started toward Ryker’s. He knew Natasha’s food would put Clint in a good mood again. 

The ride to Ryker’s was quiet, Clint’s mind lost again in his circus days memories. Phil let his mind wander about grocery lists and customer reports. When they pulled up to the diner, they were surprised to see the lot over half empty. Usually it was difficult to find a spot for the lunch rush on a Monday. 

They got out of the car and went into the diner, to their usual table, noticing an odd air around everyone. Something was going on and it made them both nervous. 

“Jem, what’s wrong, where’s everyone?” Phil asked as she came out of the kitchen. 

Jemma sighed and sat with them, fidgeting with a rolled-up silverware kit. “A guy came in about an hour ago with a gun. He demanded access to the safe and Nat of course refused; stubborn mule. Mack came out when Darcy got his attention and managed to cut the guy when he threw his cleaver at him but he had the gun right on Nat’s head.”

Clint’s heart fluttered hard and beat loud in his ears. He startled Phil when he scrambled out of the booth and ran for the door. Phil got out of the booth as fast as he could and followed Clint back to the car; not realizing neither had a seatbelt as he sped away from the diner. 

“Shit, Phil this is gonna be bad,” Clint huffed anxiously fidgeting. “I can’t exactly function without knowing Nat’s got my back in everything. I mean, what if she’s dead?”

Phil sighed to calm his screaming nerves, reaching for Clint’s hand. “I don’t know, Baby,” he tried to soothe Clint. “I don’t think she’s dead, someone would have called you.”

Clint let out a groan and bent over his lap, his body trembling terrified. Phil tightened his hold on Clint’s hand as he drove, trying to get him to the hospital knowing he was devastated right now. 

At the hospital, Phil parked outside the emergency department; seeing Mack’s truck in the lot. He was relieved a little bit, that meant Natasha wasn’t here alone. Again, he had to run after Clint; almost taking down a little old man in a wheelchair as they rounded to the doors. He hollered a quick apology to the man then stumbled into the emergency room. 

Clint spotted Mack tucked in a corner, head bandaged and arm now in a hard plaster cast. But, the look of devastation on the man’s face almost dropped Clint to his knees as Phil grabbed him and guided him over carefully. 

Mack looked up at them as they approached, frowning at them. “Hey, Phil,” he sighed when they sat down with him. 

“What happened to Nat?” Clint asked, his breath shuddering as he tried to keep from breaking down. 

He sighed and shook his head, surprising them when he let out a sniffle and wiped away a stray tear. “She’s in surgery still, but they don’t know anything yet. He said it doesn’t look good though.”

Phil let out a breath and pulled Clint to his side, taking his phone out and calling Nick to tell him what was going on and to not expect them back at work. Nick set Melinda up to pick up the girls after school then left work to come down to the emergency room to sit with them while they waited to hear about Natasha. 

Slowly the rest of Ryker’s employees showed up, after closing down the diner for the day, and gathered to wait. Clint found comfort knowing that so many people cared about Natasha and wanted to be there as a group for her. But still, he wouldn’t leave Phil’s side for anything short of himself being critically hurt. 

Phil fought memories of Audrey, knowing Clint’s mind was racing with memories of Kate. He felt he had to be the strong one again, for Clint’s sake and peace of mind. He had to keep Clint from falling.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: CHARACTER DEATH. but not Phil or Clint.

Hours later a surgeon found the group gathered for Natasha. She survived the surgery, but her chances were so slim he didn’t see her waking up. Everyone was devastated, but Clint instantly went completely numb and everything faded around him except for Phil holding him on his feet. Nick was just a dark blotch in Clint’s vision. He wasn’t even aware that he looked straight at the man and caught onto his shoulder when his knees threatened to drop him. He didn’t hear anything except his own thundering heart in his ears. 

Of course, he didn’t realize Phil had taken his hearing aids as he and Nick sat him down in the floor against a wall. Phil’s immediate take charge in a frantic situation nature was something everyone looked to when things got bad. Even Nick looked to him for guidance right now. 

Phil let out a sigh, crouched beside Clint and holding him tight, feeling all eyes on him. “It’s gonna have to be up to one of us if it comes to pulling the plug,” he told them, keeping his attention on Clint so they wouldn’t see how devastated he truly was now. “She doesn’t have family, even back home; there’s nobody for her. She only has us.”

Slowly, the others started to sit down around him and Clint. Nick, knowing Clint was slowly drowning in his quiet grief, took his hand tight. 

“You know, since they were so close, maybe he should?” Bucky offered with a shrug. 

Phil shook his head. “No, don’t put that responsibility on him. He most likely won’t even be able to be in the room. He wouldn’t be able to handle that decision.”

“How can you be so sure how he’d feel?”

Phil turned to Mack with a slightly hard stare. “Because he flat out told me he felt like he wouldn’t be able to be in the room again when someone dies; and I know how it feels to have to make that kind of decision for someone you love.”

Nick sighed, getting Phil’s attention; calming Phil’s anger shaking his head a little bit. 

“If it comes to that, I’ll make the call. That way if he needs to be angry at someone, it’s me instead of you. We can hope beyond hope and all that good shit, but we’ll have to face reality sooner or later.”

Phil nodded slightly, pulling Clint in closer to his side. He would try to get Clint to come back to reality and try to get him into the room to see Natasha; but he wasn’t even sure if Clint would want to go into the room at all. 

One by one, the group went to find Natasha leaving Phil to tend to Clint in the floor of the emergency room. After the last in their group was gone, Phil let out a shaking breath and finally let a few tears well and fall. He knew Clint would be devastated, but he wasn’t sure if he could be the strong one again. The anniversary of Audrey’s death was looming closer and he felt himself falling already. 

################################################################

They waited a week to see if Natasha would wake up or her brain activity would improve. They tried getting Clint to come in and talk to her, to see if that would help her at all. Everyone was crushed when their attempts failed each time. 

Eventually, Nick made the call to take Natasha off life support. 

Clint and Phil were noticeably absent for that, both staying home unable to come to the hospital and watch her die. Barney stayed with them after dropping the girls off at school for them, not wanting to leave Clint without him and knowing also that Phil might accept his help as well right now. 

Phil kept Clint tucked to him all morning, making sure Lucky was close to him as well. He and Barney attempted to get Clint to eat something, but they weren’t surprised when Clint didn’t respond to anything. Phil coaxed a few sips of water into Clint, but for the most part Clint sat with him on the couch curled up to his side not moving. 

He mumbled a few responses when asked simple questions, Phil and Barney knew to avoid asking him how he was feeling; they both knew it was a stupid question to ask Clint. It was obvious that Clint was suffering painfully.

At noon, Nick came over to check on them; worried that he hadn’t heard anything from Phil for hours. He found Phil and Clint in the den, Phil with Clint tucked to him still and Lucky across his lap. Phil’s hand moving in Lucky’s fur slowly told Nick that he was awake despite his closed eyes and leveled breaths. 

Clint looked horrible, his face red and his eyes tearstained red and swelling. 

He sighed at the sight then went upstairs to the bathroom, getting a hot cloth for Clint and bringing it down to him. Phil snorted back to reality when Clint shifted as Nick laid the cloth on his face. Phil looked around and sighed when he saw Barney was gone somewhere. 

“The school called, he asked me to come sit with you while he goes to handle that shit. Natalie got into a fight, kicked the little punk’s ass.”

Phil frowned up at Nick as he settled and put Clint’s feet in his lap. “What happened?”

Nick shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t know yet, he only told me she got in trouble for fighting and the punk had to go to the hospital. She’s probably in a lot of trouble, but I seriously doubt either of you are gonna be too upset with her.”

He looked at Clint when he didn’t react and noticed that Clint didn’t have his hearing aids in again. Phil shrugged at him, soothing a caress on Clint’s face. “He doesn’t wanna wear them right now if the girls aren’t home. I guess he doesn’t want to hear us talking about Nat.”  
Nick nodded, reaching for Clint’s hand in an attempt to offer some comfort to him. “How are you holding up with all this?”

Phil shrugged again and shook his head. “Does it really matter how I feel right now?” he replied. “I mean, I’ll be allowed to break come December; just gotta wait my turn.”

“Now that’s fucking bullshit and you know it,” he told Phil, giving him a one-eyed glare. “Goddammit, Phil.”

“I dunno, I guess I’m still kinda in denial about all if it,” Phil admitted finally. “Doesn’t feel like we did enough. We just gave up on her. I’m partially the reason why Clint’s like this now ‘cause I didn’t fight hard enough to save someone else he cared about.”

Nick sighed slowly. “Well, like I said; if he needs to be mad at someone, let it be me. I’m expecting him to snap and swing at me honestly, pretty sure I would in his shoes. But, we decided, without his input ‘cause he couldn’t, on what to do if it came down to this. I do know that come December, he’s gonna be the one pulling you along though. You’re both dorks with each other, that’s some real love shit.”

Phil nodded slightly, landing a kiss on Clint’s head. “Hasn’t felt this good for me since Audrey really. I mean, here at home he’s so fucking goofy he’s always making me laugh. He fucking loves his baby girl, too. That kid is his world.”

They were distracted when Barney came back home with Natalie. She looked angry still as she climbed up and wedged herself beside Phil, huffing and crossing her arms as she laid against his side. Barney folded down into a recliner with a sigh, rubbing a hand down his face before speaking. 

“So, she’s suspended for three weeks. Little asshole was picking on her and she just snapped, called him a fuckerhead; definitely picked that up from Clint; and smacked him with a workbook.”

Phil frowned concerned, tucking Natalie’s hair behind her ear and giving her a nuzzle. “What happened, Babygirl?” he asked, hugging her close. 

“Promise you won’t get mad at me?” she replied, frowning at him; fidgeting with his t-shirt nervously. 

Phil nodded, kissing her head again. “Well, it’s obvious you were defending yourself from him so, nobody will get mad about that. You have every right to defend yourself.”

Natalie sighed, tucking to him tight. “He said my Mommy died ‘cause she didn’t want to stay with me ‘cause she didn’t love me. Then, he said I was a really bad word.”

Phil moved her and tucked her into Clint’s arms, stirring him out of his head, and put Clint’s hearing aids in his ears for him. Clint instinctively nuzzled on Natalie when he realized she was there, catching the faint scent of her mango shampoo. 

“What’s wrong?” he rasped, his voice hoarse from staying so quiet for hours at a time. 

Phil shrugged and shook his head, adjusting the rag to tuck better over Clint’s eyes. “Well, Nattie got in some trouble at school; little asshole was telling her mean bullshit lies so she smacked him up a little bit. I think she’s earned something special tonight after dinner.”

Clint frowned worriedly and tightened his hold on her. “You know whatever he told you, he was lying and he’s full of shit, right?”

Natalie nodded against his shoulder. “Yeah, Uncle Barney told me that it wasn’t the truth,” she told him quietly, fidgeting still. “What’s a cunt wrangler?” 

The adults all snorted; Phil surprised, Clint almost laughing, Nick and Barney laughing outright and hard. “Where’d you hear that, Babygirl?” Phil asked as Clint continued to snicker and shake, holding Natalie tighter. Clint was trying desperately not to laugh obviously. 

Natalie shrugged. “That’s what he called me. His mommy smacked him when Ms. Lee told her what he said so it’s a bad word, right?”

Phil nodded, wiping laughter tears. “Cunt is a very bad word to say to girls.”

Clint calmed again and hugged her tighter, kissing her head. “What did Ms. Lee do when his mama smacked him?”

She shrugged again, poking at a hole in Clint’s shirt idly. “Took him to her office and called the police ‘cause it’s mean to hit. She got in a lot of trouble, too. The police took Jimmy with them.” 

Clint let out a sigh as grief started overtaking his joy again, nuzzling and kissing on Natalie’s head as he held her tighter. He took his hearing aids out again and settled into Phil’s hold, fighting to ignore the guilt he felt. He wasn’t able to save his wife and now his best friend was gone; he didn’t want to jinx himself but he was afraid the universe would come after Natalie next. Then Phil would be taken from him. 

He couldn’t help feeling like he would eventually lose everyone he loved; and had the grim and awful thought that at least Barney would be safe. Sure they were brothers, but he didn’t know if he felt even love of family for him. He wasn’t sure if he ever had felt any love for Barney growing up. 

At least he would be one person safe from harm’s way. 

Maybe the love business wasn’t all the movies and books cracked it up to be in reality. Maybe love meant you lost the one you loved most because maybe you didn’t deserve to have anyone in your life. Maybe love meant despite everything, you just end up alone and miserable.   
################################################################

Phil woke hearing Clint pacing again, like he did every night since Natasha’s funeral. Nothing helped Clint relax enough to fall asleep for more than a couple hours. Even the strongest sleep aid Phil had in the medicine cabinet, Clint was up and pacing restlessly. 

With a sigh, Phil got out of bed and found Clint downstairs. He stopped Clint’s pacing and sat him down in the den, turning on the TV to hopefully distract him out of his head. 

“What are you doing awake?” Clint mumbled, curling up to Phil’s side instinctively.

He shrugged, finding a random movie, and held Clint tight. “Woke up ‘cause it got cold without you and your natural heater snugged up with me. Got kinda lonely so I figured since you can’t sleep again, I’ll stay awake and keep you company.”

Clint frowned at him, taking his hand tight. “You know you didn’t have to get up with me.” 

“I know,” he replied, pecking Clint; giving him a slight grin. “But, it’s what you do when you love someone; you don’t let them be alone while they’re suffering. You’d do the same for me.” 

He shrugged and sighed; that was true. He planned on doing whatever he could to help Phil when he would go through his grief period for Audrey. Phil already proved he was willing to do anything for Clint, so he could easily return the favor. 

“Yeah, I will,” he replied quietly, nuzzling into Phil’s neck; giving a weak grin when Phil leaned and kissed him again. He did feel better having someone to hold onto while he was hurting. He just hoped Phil felt the same way come December. 

Phil wasn’t surprised when Lucky found his way to them and climbed up onto the couch with them. He felt Clint calm a little more with Lucky settling in his lap; suspecting the dog was more than just a hearing assistance dog. Clint seemed to always feel a little safer with Lucky close to him. 

He laid a blanket around Clint and himself, snugging Clint tight and closing his eyes again. He did need some sleep, he had to go to work and make sure Janie got to school on time. Barney would drop Natalie off at her temporary suspension school on his way to his workplace.

Clint would come to work with Phil, but he mostly holed up in Phil’s office; too distracted by his personal grief to get much work done. Luckily, Nick had a heart and didn’t stress either of them by saying anything about Clint’s lack of working. He knew Clint would be back to himself soon.


	16. Chapter 16

October came and left quickly, bringing with it blissfully cooler weather; and another holiday Phil wouldn’t acknowledge if he didn’t have Janie. Phil grew up appreciating Halloween, celebrated with dressing up and getting candy until he was fourteen (hey, he was a nerd.) and got his first party invite. Audrey lived Halloween to the fullest, even before Janie was born. Always made Phil laugh when she started decorating in late September and going all out. 

Clint never had a chance to celebrate as a child and never attended a party as a teenager or young adult. After having Natalie, Natasha and Kate usually dressed up and strolled around with her gathering candy; of course, getting mostly for themselves while she was still too young for sweet stuff. 

After Kate was gone, Natasha took Natalie around. This year, Clint had to be the one to do it. He barely survived with Barney helping him and bringing along Janie; Phil couldn’t bring himself to it that time. He had started to fall earlier than expected, usually his mental snap happened sometime closer to Thanksgiving. 

But, now with the creepy holiday outing over, and safely into the beginning of November; Clint turned his attention on Phil. Of course he noticed Phil’s mood, he knew what to look for naturally. He made sure he was a little more affectionate with Phil, both at home and everywhere they went, and held him more snuggly when they were cuddled together at home. Their tendency of switching between big and little spoon depending on which one was down, still effortless. 

Phil was grateful to have someone so ready to just hold him again. Sometimes he felt weak with his grief and heartache, but having Clint and Natalie in his life helped immensely. At least this time he felt like he could keep Janie at home instead of letting Nick and Melinda take her for two months so he could wallow in self-pity. 

He actually agreed to join everyone for the Thanksgiving holiday this year. He didn’t plan on being put on suicide watch this time. 

So, that meant he and Clint had to plan to make something for the dinner. That meant they had to go grocery shopping, at their local Neighborhood Market because Phil did not have the mental capacity and stability to fight the Supercenter right now. 

Nick and Melinda showed mercy on him and elected him and Clint to make the green bean casserole and get a few ready to bake pies. Phil felt like that much he could handle at least. Although ramming the cart into a shelf and screaming his head off at the frustratingly slow crowd seemed more doable. 

After gathering ingredients for the casserole, and a huge aluminum pan to put it all in for serving, Clint guided the cart along behind him; pulling with Phil leaning and pushing as he shuffled past the crowds. 

He led Phil to the bakery to look at pies, not surprised when he found a mess from the almost rabid holiday shoppers. He had to push a few boxes of trampled blueberry pies out of the middle of the walkway, scraping the goop that got on the side of his shoe on the bottom rack of the little table displaying the pies. 

“Gross,” he grumbled when his shoe produced that annoying sticky noise. “Buncha heathens, seriously.”

Phil looked at the piss poor leftover pies, cringing at their condition. The neighborhood market always seemed to suffer with eye sores like neglected displays all the time. 

A particularly loud schloop got his attention. He looked up in time to see a stack of pies slide off the table and onto the floor, directly onto Clint’s sneakers. He quickly stifled a snorted laugh as Clint groaned loud. 

“Oh, my God seriously!” Clint nearly yelled. “Goddamn heathens ‘round here!” 

Phil snickered helplessly, unable to control the reaction as Clint tried to get out of the goopy mess. He stood bent over, hiding his face as he tried to stop laughing. Clint still grumbled as he made his way over to the cart. 

“Screw this shit, I’ll just bake a few myself,” he grumbled, taking off his soiled sneakers and putting them on the bottom rack under the cart. He noticed Phil’s jovial laughing and stared at him for a moment before dragging three fingers in the mess on the table and then grabbing Phil’s face for a kiss; smearing the goop on Phil’s cheek. 

Phil snorted, cringing away from the goop. Clint just grinned at him, wiping his fingers on his shirt, and grabbed the cart again as he started away from the pies. Phil was laughing again so Clint wasn’t going to upset him by getting offended by his joy. He could hose the sneakers down at home and try to salvage them. 

He stopped and gathered some stuff to bake a few pies, irritated still that the store employees allowed such a mess to just stay there, then led Phil to check out. Instead of reaming the cashier when she greeted them, knowing negativity would affect Phil and turn his mood sour, he just forced a smile and recommended someone be called to the bakery. 

“It’s a mess over there,” he told her. “Like someone let their toddler loose and just left him there.”

She frowned concerned. “I’m sorry, I’ll send a manager over to check it out now,” she told him, entering codes. Clint just nodded, knowing he did all he could do by telling someone about the godawful mess. 

“Other than that, was everything good?”

“Yeah, everything else is decent; I mean I wanted to pop a few firecrackers to get people moving along faster but that would be evil and Phil would kick my butt,”

She smiled at Phil, recognizing him from his mother. She and Ms. Coulson attended church together. “So, you have a new sweetie, huh Phil?” 

He smiled bashfully, of course Gladys would be the one they would stop at to check out. She would be quick to mention Clint to his mother and he would get a phone call from her asking ten million questions about Clint and why he hadn’t said anything to her earlier. 

“Have you met Susan yet?” she asked Clint with a smile. 

Clint smiled and shook his head. “Not yet, still kinda fresh for both of us; but I will I’m sure.”

“Maybe sooner rather than later, Lord knows she’s gonna be calling me probably tomorrow,” Phil put in, fidgeting with his keys. It wasn’t like he was hiding his relationship with Clint from his mother; but he knew how nerve wracking it would be for Clint so he wanted to ease him into meeting her. 

“Please not like next week,” Clint laughed weakly, gathering their bags. “Meeting parents and family, it’s just weird.”

After Phil paid for the stuff, they went back out to the car. Clint tucked his soiled sneakers, wrapped in a bag by themselves, into a corner to keep them out of the way so nothing got filthy from them. With the bags settled in the trunk, they got in to leave; Phil again reaching for Clint’s hand, calming them both. 

“She’ll probably want us to at least make an appearance for Christmas. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to actually handle it though; being around there, not fun for me anymore.”

Clint nodded, leaning over and giving him a kiss. “If anything, we’ll invite her to travel to us; keep you from having to go back into bad memories and all that. I’m sure she’ll understand, right?”

Phil shrugged, fidgeting again. “Maybe,” 

“Make a left up here, I wanna show you something,” Clint told him, knowing his mood was falling again. He wanted to take Phil out to a little tucked away place on the river where he would go when he needed somewhere peaceful. 

Phil gave him a confused look, but turned left at the corner. Clint grinned and kissed him again. 

When they got to the river front, Clint directed Phil out to his little spot and had him park then took him to a spot under a large tree. Phil was surprised when Clint pulled a blanket out of the hallowed tree trunk, though he probably shouldn’t have been too surprised. This was Clint after all, he had stuff hidden like a squirrel in random places everywhere. Clint laid the blanket out, then pulled out an old pillow to lean against before getting Phil to sit down with him; leaning against the tree trunk with Phil tucked into his arms. 

He smiled when Phil let out a sigh and relaxed against him, nuzzling and kissing along Phil’s neck.   
“This is my little secret spot,” he told Phil, his hands caressing slowly. “I can come out here sometimes, and during the fall it’s so pretty out here and it’s just so peaceful I can just let my mind shut down for a while.”

Phil smiled, feeling his love for Clint deepening. Sharing a secret spot like this, though it was something he would usually consider gushy and kind of cliché, it felt special this time. Like Clint was trusting him more and more. Also, he couldn’t help feeling a little better being held and being somewhere so special to Clint. 

The rolling river did help calm his mind and everything felt a little more peaceful again. The heartache he carried alleviated slightly. 

He tucked Clint’s arms tighter around him and snuggled closer, smiling as they kissed again. “Thank you for this,” he said softly, giving Clint’s chin a nuzzle and a light peck. “Really does feel good out here, especially with you.”

Cint shrugged, grinning. “Well, I figured if it makes me feel better being out here, ya know? I just wanna help you through everything like you do for me ‘cause I love you so much. I mean I know it’s still so early with us bu-.”

Phil quieted him with another kiss. “Love you too, dorkbutt,”

Clint huffed a laugh at the playful pet name. He and Kate definitely didn’t have that and he wasn’t always sure how to appropriately respond to it with Phil. 

“Nerd,” he replied playfully, tightening his hold again with a contented and comfortable sigh. Phil relaxed more against him, finally feeling like he could start to let go of his grief. 

################################################################

Phil woke to the aroma of baking sugar and sweet-smelling spices. He couldn’t help smiling when he realized Clint had woken early to get a start on baking for Thanksgiving dinner with everyone. 

Clint’s secret baking skills was a pleasant surprise to him. 

He got out of bed and went downstairs, finding Clint in the kitchen; of course, covered in flour and sugary sticky; sitting on the counter while he waited for the pies in the oven to finish. 

Clint grinned immediately when he spotted Phil, beckoning him over and wrapping him into his arms tight for a kiss. Phil murmured curiously when he tasted sugary sweetness on Clint’s lips. 

“Ooh, I like these kisses,” he whispered, stealing another sugary kiss from Clint. 

“I’m a mess, I know,” Clint snicked, nuzzling Phil to put some of the sugar on his face. “But, you can’t bake right unless you’re covered so, yeah.” 

Phil tightened his arms around Clint, feeling a little stab of heartache again, and sighed against Clint’s shoulder. December was looming closer each passing day and he felt himself getting weaker. But, having Clint made the pain at least bearable now. 

Clint peppered Phil with more kisses, his hands soothing over Phil’s back slowly, and hooked his ankles together behind Phil to keep him tucked close. He knew that whenever he felt down, sometimes all he wanted was someone to hug him and hold onto him. So, he made sure to give that to Phil every chance he could get. 

While they loved on each other, the girls woke and came downstairs; but stopped in the den to watch TV while they waited until time to get dressed. The oven dinged, forcing Phil to have to leave the comfort of Clint’s arms; but only long enough for Clint to get the pies out and put them on a cooling rack before he was safely tucked into his arms again. He just wanted to be held right now. 

After an hour, Phil made himself pull away again so they could get everyone ready to leave for Darcy’s house; their usual holiday gathering place because she had the biggest kitchen in the group. Clint took a quick shower, glad that he got the girls’ baths out of the way the night before and he didn’t have to clean up a wetting accident from Natalie, then got himself dressed. 

He was surprised to see that Phil managed to pull himself together and get both girls and himself dressed and ready. He dressed quickly, snagging one of Phil’s comfortable sweaters because it was soft and smelled like Phil no matter how many times it was washed. Phil had one of his flannel over shirts on, also comforted by the scent. 

While Phil loaded the girls into the car with both dogs, Clint and Janie would need them with so many people gathering, Clint loaded the food carefully into the trunk in little boxes to prevent spills. 

Phil let Clint drive this time, and would continue to get Clint to drive until Christmas passed. He didn’t feel safe driving in holiday traffic anymore. Too many bad memories hit him. Of course, their hands were joined together like always; both seeking each other’s comfort naturally now. 

The drive over to Darcy’s was quiet, Clint had to be able to concentrate on the traffic and Phil was losing himself in his memories again, but they arrived safely and everyone was more than glad to see Phil joining their festivities again. Nick kept his one eye on Phil, watching him for distress, but trusted that Clint had him feeling good for now. 

Nick was glad that little blond asshole came into Phil’s life when he did and was grateful that Phil had someone to love again. He would fight anyone who dared attempt to take Clint away from Phil; and he would probably end up killing someone to keep Clint in Phil’s life. 

The little asshole was a godsend to Phil and Nick was not going to stand for his best friend losing someone else he loved so much. 

And, he was sweet on Natalie so of course he wanted Clint to stick around so he could spoil her as much as he did Janie. 

Phil was ready to have fun with his closest friends and his new love; ready to concentrate on the good things about the holidays instead of his heartache and pain. Sure, he knew it wouldn’t be easy just like that, but he could finally let himself start to heal from everything. 

Clint was unknowingly saving him from drinking himself stupid again, like he did every year around the holidays, and considering taking a gun to his head. He always convinced himself that Nick and Melinda would take Janie if he went, always used that as an excuse to want to just go ahead and get done with it. But now, he had Clint to focus on and help pull him through the dark time. 

Come Christmas Eve though, it would be a fight to get him to do much of anything. But, Clint was ready for a battle. Phil didn’t give up on him during his grief period, he could easily keep Phil going along. He just had to keep telling Phil how much he loved him and would keep him safe from hell. 

Sure, love doesn’t always conquer all, but Clint was damn sure going to fight for Phil just as hard as Phil fought for him. It’s what you do when you love someone so much it hurt.


	17. Chapter 17

Thanksgiving was looking to be nice for Phil, he actually smiled and laughed easily with his friends. Sure, he had a few moments when he would remember something about Audrey. But almost as soon as he got that devastated look in his eyes; Clint would get his attention and make him smile again. 

He laughed with each kiss because, and he was sure he would figure it out later, somehow Clint’s kisses still tasted like sugary sweetness. It reminded him about their early morning together in the kitchen. He wanted more quiet mornings like that with Clint. 

After the obligatory overeating, which everyone was nearly licking the plates clean when they cut into the pies Clint baked, they retired to Darcy’s theater room for the usual movies while everyone digested. Clint had never seen a home theater with actual, not the crappy uncomfortable and sticky kind either, movie theater seating. 

Phil smiled as he led Clint to the seats tucked in the corner where the lights were already busted; it was unofficially designated as the make-out section for couples who joined them. Phil laughed at the cat calls and wolf whistles as he sat down unashamed with Clint. He grinned, unashamed, and tucked Clint to his side as he raised his foot rest. Clint moved the arm rest and raised his own foot rest, snugging to Phil happily. 

But, before they got farther than a snuggle, their girls came up to sit with them. Clint laughed when Phil took Janie into his lap, looking like he hadn’t expected her to come over. 

“You won’t get to get kisses either, smiley,” Phil teased, smiling at Clint. 

Clint leaned up and stole a quick kiss before the movie started and the rest of the lights dimmed, snugging to Phil happily. Phil sighed slowly, nuzzling Clint for a moment, before putting his head down on Clint’s to watch the movie. 

################################################################

After a few movies, everyone had to get back home. Clint drove Phil and the girls, knowing again Phil wouldn’t be able to handle it especially with the light dusting of flurries that started to fall. Nobody said anything when they made a quick exit when Phil saw the evil white stuff. They all knew. 

Clint again got them transported safely, he knew better than to do any kind of speeding on the roads with the snow; even though it was barely dusting. He knew Phil would not be able to handle that. 

They got the girls inside and upstairs to get them ready for bed; the girls were exhausted from playing so hard. Natalie was again a floppy little fish while Clint changed her into her nightgown, giggling when he pulled her good socks off and exchanged them for a fuzzy pair before picking her up off the floor and putting her in her bed. 

Phil and Janie were going through their own usual nightly routine, he made sure Maisy was tucked in beside her and snugged her in the blankets. 

When both girls were almost sleeping again, Phil and Clint crept out of their room quietly and went downstairs to the den. Phil tucked to Clint, the snow starting to thicken outside and stick to the ground had him falling slowly. Clint just held onto Phil as they lounged together on the couch under a warm blanket; a space heater tucked at the end of the couch acting as an impromptu fireplace and Lucky lounged on their legs.

Phil was surprised when he felt comforted by Lucky as well and felt better having him close. But, he felt best with Clint snugged to him and holding onto him so tight. He felt safe again; his nerves finally calming down after being so tense and shaking so bad in the car on the way home. 

Clint nuzzled and kissed Phil again, smiling when Phil gave a little snick. “What’s so funny?”

He shook his head, nuzzling Clint and stealing another sugary tasting kiss. “It’s all that sugary goodness that’s stuck to you all day.”

Clint huffed a laugh and shook his head, digging in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a little tube of Natalie’s children’s flavored Chapstick. “You mean this Sugar Cookies thing I got out of Nattie’s backpack?”

Phil laughed happily, shaking his head. “Where’d she even get that?”

Clint shrugged, dabbing a little bit onto Phil’s lips, grinning. “I dunno, I don’t remember buying it. Hopefully she isn’t a little Klepto.”

Phil gave a contented sigh as he snugged closer to Clint, burrowing his face into Clint’s neck and closing his eyes. Clint tightened his hold on Phil, holding the shattering pieces of Phil’s heart together, feeling him relax again. He almost heard Phil’s racing mind quieting slowly as his breathing evened out.

################################################################

Phil called in to work in the morning after finding a thick blanket of the evil white stuff had fallen overnight. He told Nick not to expect Clint either, he would not let Clint get out and drive on the roads even though the salt trucks had run three times already. 

He was relieved that the girls were still on their Thanksgiving break from school so he didn’t have to worry about that today. 

Clint put off waking the girls when he came into the den and found Phil almost broken down; sitting loose limbed and barely wrapped in a blanket as Lucky tried to get Phil to pet him and try to help him feel better. He just sat with Phil and took him back into his arms tight again, holding him tighter still when Phil inhaled sharply; fighting back grief and horrible memories. Clint curled around Phil protectively, feeling those shattering pieces tucking back into place slowly. 

Phil wasn’t one to go into hysterics with grief, he got eerily quiet and withdrawn. The quiet freaked Clint out, but he fought through it for Phil. He fought through a lot for Phil, loving him too much to not fight. 

“What can I do?” he whispered, caressing Phil’s cheek slowly. “How can I help you?”

Phil let out a shaking breath, his grip on Clint was almost painful but Clint could handle it for Phil’s sanity and sake. 

“You swear you won’t try to get out on that shit?” he asked, clinching his eyes shut against the temptation to look out the bay window; even though Clint had already pulled the curtains shut he would still see the white stuff clearly. 

Clint nodded, landing a kiss on Phil’s clinched eyes; giving him a light nuzzle. “I can definitely swear I have no plans at all to get out in that shit today. I hate driving on icy roads as it is and I will not make you worry and stress over anything that I can easily prevent. I love you, so much, and I’m staying here holding onto you. Barney will hoof it over here later to help with the girls so we don’t even have to worry about that either.”

Phil let out another breath. “I need you to take the keys and hide them somewhere nobody can find them.”

He gave Phil another kiss before untangling from him and hurrying to the foyer. He grabbed up the car keys and then hurried to get them hidden. He took his little stash box out of the kitchen cabinet, having plans to make a few pot laced brownies for Phil later, and tucked the keys under everything. He hid the little baggie of herb in the pantry so he would be able to get to it later, then took the stash box to the back yard. 

Looking around for a moment, he spotted the birdhouse. It was the one spot Phil would not suspect anything to be hidden and wouldn’t think to look because the birds were gone for the winter. His squirreling instincts, as Phil called them, came in handy when hiding stuff he didn’t want anyone else to find. 

Back inside, he took a moment to give his chilled arms a brisk rub and shake the cold off of him so Phil didn’t know he went outside in the snow before returning to the den. Phil snugged back into Clint’s arms and held him tighter, fighting back devastation as the feelings of safety returned. He let out a slow sigh, allowing a few tears to fall again, glad that Clint was willing to just lay with him and hold him while he slowly crumbled. 

Both promised to not have any jealousy for Audrey or Kate, they both knew they would most likely grieve for their late wives for the rest of their lives together. They just had to promise to hold onto each other and love each other unconditionally. 

Clint actually didn’t know how to be jealous of someone else, having grown up with other people always having something he would never be able to have himself made him immune to jealousy. He had his baby girl and now Phil and Janie; they were all he really needed to be happy in his life. 

Phil was just glad Clint liked to cuddle so much. When he fell with the memories and all the horrible stuff, all he wanted was to be held tight. He didn’t need storybook professions of love and stupidly cliché swoons of a knight swearing protection from the evil in the world. 

He just needed someone to hold onto him and let him crumble for a while. Clint was more than willing to do just that and not give one single complaint. He had Phil’s back, Phil had his. They would continue to help each other survive the heartbreak they suffered. 

Love didn’t conquer all, but it damn sure felt good to have again. 

################################################################

The girls woke a few hours later, both a little grumpy because they were still sleepy but neither could lay comfortably in bed for so long. Clint surprised everyone when he showed off his cooking skills again and made pancakes with eggs, bacon (because Phil and Natalie loved their cherished bacon), and sausage. (He and Janie preferred their pig meat smooshed into patties, Janie usually wanted hers cut into her eggs and smothered in cheese.)

Phil put on a smile for the girls, not wanting them to know about his heart breaking slowly, and distracted them with a game while Clint cooked. He didn’t want to be too far away from Clint so he managed to keep the girls at the kitchen table while they played. 

As soon as Clint had the food cooked and plated, bringing the girls’ plates over first so he and Phil could help them with the sticky syrup, they heard the front door open and the visitor stamping snow off heavy boots. 

Clint looked down the foyer from the kitchen doorway and saw Bucky and Barney had come in together. Barney went to the den to take his usual place so he could watch over everyone. Bucky disappeared upstairs, Clint was confused when he heard Bucky getting into the attic but figured it was just Bucky being Bucky again. He had some strange habits of his own when he got into a protective mood. 

It was a little creepy, but Clint felt better having another set of eyes on the girls so he chose to not complain. Bucky was just a quiet guy, he was about as dangerous as a teddy bear. With a shrug he returned to the girls and Phil, smiling when Phil leaned in for a kiss as he sat with them again. He snicked a laugh and gave Phil a few little pecks before turning to eat, getting little giggles out of the girls as he and Phil kept their affections going. 

Phil kept hold of Clint’s hand as they ate, needing the physical contact so he wasn’t falling into the darkness of grief he felt surrounding him and threatening to overwhelm him. 

Clint knew they were in for a battle with Phil, the quiet grievers were often the most difficult to comfort and soothe, but he knew undoubtedly he could help pull Phil through the holidays. He knew he could guide Phil out of the darkness surrounding him.


	18. Chapter 18

The snow continued for a week, drifting in and falling off and on for hours every day. The salt trucks struggled to keep the roads clear, but school was cancelled after weather experts found the city was in for even more snowfall in a couple days. 

Clint helped Phil through multiple panic attacks during the week, expecting each one knowing what signs to look for. He still kept the car keys hidden, though now tucked in a sock under the mattress so the fob wouldn’t get damaged being outside in the birdhouse. 

Again, Phil was grateful to have Clint. He did so much to help Phil, most of it Clint wasn’t even aware helped. Like whenever Clint found Phil hiding in the bedroom; Clint gave Phil that little crooked grin and came over to him in the corner behind the closet door. Instead of getting upset with him for hiding, Clint just sat down and took Phil into his arms and held him tight. 

That little grin made Phil’s heart flutter, even through his anxiety and pain. That had to mean there was something deeper than love between them, right? 

After getting Phil calmed down and out of his head again, Clint got him downstairs and snugged on the couch with Lucky and the girls. He made a quick lunch, always laughing at Janie’s ‘cherry blood’ joke, and arranged for a grocery delivery so he wouldn’t have to worry Phil and drive later. 

Sometimes he even impressed himself when he successfully adulted and managed to do something right. With a grin, he called his three charges to the kitchen. The girls hurried in, both hungry and wanting more of the soup Clint reheated. Phil came shuffling in, Lucky was seemingly intent on tripping him, another frown on his face. Clint stopped him for another kiss before letting him sit down at the table. 

“Can we go outside and play in the snow later?” Janie asked, reaching for a little handful of shredded cheese for her soup. 

“Absolutely not,” Phil told her, his tone almost bored instead of harsh with her. 

Janie turned to him instantly with a pout though. 

“It’s too cold anyways,” Natalie put in, putting a huge slice of onion in Clint’s bowl. “Slimy gross.”

Clint snorted and rolled his eyes, smiling at her. 

“Why not though?” Janie asked. “I never get to play in the snow.”

Phil sighed at her, rubbing a hand down his face. Thankfully, Clint spoke up for him. 

“It’s too dangerous, Baby,” he soothed. “Weather Channel says it’s just gonna keep coming for a few days and it’s gonna be really cold. There’s gonna be a bunch of really stupid people thinking they’ll be able to drive in the snow and a lot of them are gonna wreck. So, we gotta stay inside so we stay safe and warm.”

He and Phil were both surprised when Janie huffed a little bit of a growl, annoyed. She was just a child and didn’t truly understand the dangerous aspect of the bad weather. Still though, growling wasn’t a habit Phil could let her pick up and keep. 

“Don’t do that,” he told her, trying to make his tone a little hard. His grief and pain made it difficult though. 

Clint noticed that Natalie was looking over at Janie a little worriedly, inching closer to his side nervously. She had a feeling Janie was about to get into trouble and she didn’t like it. He laid his arm around her and kissed her head to soothe her. 

“We’ll find something fun to do inside, Baby,” he told Janie. 

She frowned at him and shrugged, poking at her food with the spoon as she nibbled a little bit. Phil sighed and gave her head a kiss, frowning. He knew she didn’t understand that he was keeping her away from the evil white stuff because of his own fear and hatred of it. He knew it wasn’t fair to her, she was just a child and children would naturally love the snow, but he just couldn’t let go of the fear he carried. 

Clint would try to help her understand how Phil felt though; he somehow always knew how to deal with small children and explain life’s unfairness to them. 

“The snow sucks anyways,” Natalie put in. “It gets in your pants and makes your cooter too cold.”

Phil and Clint both lost a spoonful of food laughing, surprised by the brazen statement. “Oh, my God, child!” Clint laughed, wiping up the spilled mess on the table as Phil continued to snicker and snort. “Where’d you hear that?”

Natalie shrugged, not getting what was so funny. “Daisy said it to Miss. Melinda the other day.”

“Let’s try not to repeat that to anyone else, ever,” he replied smiling still. “Little turd.”

Phil calmed, wiping spilled soup off his shirt. “From the mouth of babes,” he mused, smiling weakly. 

Clint leaned over and gave him another kiss, hoping he could continue to help Phil through his grief. Despite the laughter now, he knew it was right there under the surface; scratching its way out again. 

################################################################

Phil was unable to sleep, plagued by nightmares of the night Audrey died. He got out of bed and went to the den so he wouldn’t wake Clint, but not even ten minutes later Clint found him. Of course Clint would’ve noticed he wasn’t in bed; not having Phil’s heart beating against his cheek woke him up, he still used Phil’s chest for his pillow.

He got in the blanket with Phil and hugged him close; snugging Phil safely to his chest and tucking Phil’s head under his chin. 

Phil let out a sigh, the almost overwhelming pain he didn’t realize was trying to overpower him fading back again. He felt so weak; he was usually the strong, confident one in life. He wasn’t one to break down and cry like a child. 

But, thinking of Audrey; sometimes still hearing the sounds of crashing and her terrified scream suddenly cutting off. He couldn’t take it sometimes. He just wanted to curl up somewhere and scream until the pain and the memories stopped, but he knew if he gave in to that urge he would never stop screaming. 

With Clint though, Phil knew he was safe again and Clint wouldn’t leave him because he grieved for Audrey still. Clint would just sit and hold him while he broke down and hold his pieces together again. Clint’s bear hugs, which sometimes included legs wrapped around Phil as well, meant safety and warmth. 

“Sorry,” Phil mumbled against Clint’s chest. 

Clint scoffed, pecking Phil’s forehead. “Don’t apologize, Phil,” he replied, nuzzling him. “I love you so I’m not gonna be mad when you need to be held. I’m gonna just get my butt over and hold you.”

Phil let out a slow breath, his eyes closed against the tears he felt threatening to fall. Clint nuzzled and kissed on Phil, caressing his face and wiping away the tears he couldn’t hold back as his hold tightened on Phil again. He couldn’t help grinning a little bit when he felt Phil relax slightly. 

After nearly an hour, Phil was loose limbed against Clint; still quietly giving over to his tears. Having Clint’s hands soothing over him helped, but that only silenced the sounds of the crash and Audrey’s screams. It wasn’t helping with the pain he felt. He tried to concentrate on Clint’s heartbeat, the sound soothing through everything, and Lucky’s musky scent as he laid on Phil’s back trying to help Clint make him feel better.   
Phil did feel a little better having both of them tucked so tight to him, but he knew the pain and heartache would stay for a long time. 

At dawn, with the sun starting to creep up over the neighborhood, Clint managed to get Phil’s tears to slow to and stop. With some convincing, he managed to get Phil back upstairs and tucked him into bed with Lucky at his side. 

“Let me go check on the girls and tell Barney we’re gonna need him to come over and watch them; then I’ll come back and we can cuddle more.”

Phil nodded against Lucky’s side, his fingers in Lucky’s fur scratching slowly. Clint gave him a quick peck before hurrying to his task. He peeked in on the girls, seeing both still sleeping peacefully, then called Barney; knowing he would be awake by now. After arranging with Barney for him to come over in a couple hours, Clint returned to Phil and laid down with him again. 

He took Phil back into his arms tight, being the big spoon this time and protecting Phil from the grief and heartache. Phil sighed again, turning to face Clint, and tucked to him. Fear and dread was now slowly replacing the heartache he felt so heavy still.

Clint tightened his hold when Phil gave over to tears again, nuzzling and kissing him. 

“Don’t apologize,” he whispered, knowing Phil was about to say it. He would never let Phil feel guilty for his grief. “I love you, so much, and I will stay here with you and hold onto you no matter what you keep telling yourself. I’ll keep picking up your breaking pieces and putting them back in place; and I’ll keep holding you together and stop you from crumbling so bad you can’t get up again.”

“Dorkbutt.” Phil huffed weakly. 

Clint smiled and kissed him again. “Nerd,” he replied, tightening his arms around Phil securely; earning a little bit of a laugh from Phil.   
################################################################

Phil was able to get out of bed around early afternoon. Clint fought hard to get Phil out of his head, it took so much effort and his throat was a little sore; but Phil was relaxed for now. 

They went downstairs and found the girls in the den watching TV with Barney watching over them. Phil plopped to lounge on the couch with Clint, hugging to him and tucking himself into the corner of the couch. 

Clint held Phil tight, wrapping him in a blanket from the back of the couch. 

Just as Phil relaxed against Clint, his mind slowing and calming, Barney decided it was the right time to speak up. “So, why can’t they go outside and play in the snow like the other kids?”

Clint huffed and rolled his eyes. “Because it’s too cold and dangerous outside in that shit,” he spat almost hateful. “Don’t start this shit, I told you to keep them inside so that’s what you’re gonna do if you’re watching them for us.”

He shrugged slightly. “I mean, I tried to get them to go outside but they both just stood there looking at me like creepy little pod people kids or something.”

“Good,” Clint almost laughed, not believing that Barney was admitting to trying to go against what he told him not to do with the girls. “We’ve already told them no, multiple times, and explained to them why we don’t want them going outside in that shit. They understand now and they no longer want to go out in it.”

“But they’re kids,” Barney argued with a huff. “You can’t just keep them away from everything the other kids are doing.”

Clint glared at him, holding Phil tighter. “They’re our girls, we get to decide what they can and can’t do ‘cause they’re not even six yet. If, when they get to be eighteen, they wanna go out in that shit; we can’t stop them from doing it. But right now, goddamn right we’re gonna keep them away from the shit. It’s dangerous and kills people.”

He noticed that Janie and Natalie stood and left the den; they didn’t want to witness an argument. 

Barney gave a snide grin. Clint knew he was about to dig deep into Phil now. “No, drunk stupid fucks get out on the shitty roads and flip their cars with their wife and child inside. They cause their wives to be decapitated and stabbed through the chest.”

Phil inhaled sharp again, clinging as tight as he could hold onto Clint as memories came screaming back to him. He heard the sounds of metal bending unnaturally, glass shattering, Audrey’s scream suddenly cutting off with a liquid filled gag as she choked on blood before a piece of the car’s hood sliced through her neck. He heard Janie crying almost hysterically in her car seat, the entire vehicle flipped upside down and crushed. 

He felt the pain of his legs breaking and glass flying into his face. 

When he opened his eyes, he saw the scene; still just as clear as he saw it that night. Audrey’s headless body laid limp on the roof of the car, her head thrown almost into Janie’s car seat and wedged between the seat and door. He saw the blood gushing everywhere and the fluids from the car’s broken lines spilling out. 

He heard frantic voices from Ms. Coulson’s annual Christmas party and one of the other men shouting orders; supposing he was lucky a firefighter was in attendance at the party because he got both Janie and Phil pulled out of the car before it exploded with flames. He didn’t even smell the smoke or the chemicals burning that night, but now he smelled them like he was back in the car and trapped inside as it burned. 

But somehow, through all the screams and frantic sirens blaring, Phil heard Clint’s calming tone surrounding him. Slowly the wreckage and voices started to fade back into the darkness of his memories and he could finally see he was safe at home with Clint. Unfortunately, though, Audrey was still buried in a grave; or rather what little of her body could be found for cremation and the ashes put into an urn and buried beside her grandfather. 

Phil lost his breath as he jerked back to reality and grabbed hold of Clint terrified, surprising him by the sudden grab and tight bear hug. Clint grunted but hugged Phil as tight as he could. He would clean and bandage his bleeding knuckles in a little bit. He sprang on Barney furious and attacked him viciously, cutting his fist on Barney’s teeth as it flew. 

Sure, Barney was his brother and he sort of loved him, but he would not ever allow him to talk about Phil so hatefully. He’d probably have to find the girls another nanny, but he was sure he could manage that one. He didn’t want Barney spewing that hateful bullshit in front of Janie next. 

When Phil was quiet again, Clint saw two little sets of eyes peeking around the corner from the hallway into the den. He gave them a weak grin and beckoned them over to him and Phil, tucking them in with Phil into his arms safely. Phil felt a little better having the girls tucked safely in his arms, needing to hold onto them to keep himself from going back into those horrible memories.


	19. Chapter 19

Phil couldn’t sleep, but stayed in bed with Clint snugged to him; holding onto him tight and trying to breathe calmly enough to slow his racing mind. Lucky laid beside him, his head laid beside Clint’s on his chest, looking up at Phil and almost frowning at him as Phil pet his head slowly. 

Lucky stayed closer to Phil since the snow started, once the first snowstorm passed another came not even three weeks later. It was like the dog could sense Phil’s heartache and wanted to comfort him. 

After an hour of lying in the dark and the almost overwhelming quiet, Clint woke. Phil didn’t get Clint’s attention as he stumbled out of bed for the bathroom though, Clint wasn’t wearing his hearing aids at the moment. But, when the bathroom light flicked on he turned on his bedside lamp so he wouldn’t frighten Clint by just suddenly being awake and staring at him.

He couldn’t help laughing as he, a little unwillingly, listened to Clint empty his bladder. Clint talked to himself when he was still half asleep and was now complaining to himself about having difficulty aiming with the beginnings of the dreaded morning stiffness. 

When Clint came back and saw Phil awake and grinning at him, he huffed a laugh and shook his head. Sure, he didn’t hear himself, but he now knew Phil heard him. 

“Ass,” he laughed as he came back to bed. He took a minute to put his hearing aids back in so he would be able to hear Phil and they wouldn’t have to sign back and forth so early in the morning. He tucked the pillow on his side of the bed that he rarely used under his head as he got comfortable beside Phil. 

“You alright?”

Phil sighed and shrugged, reaching and caressing Clint’s face gently. “Just couldn’t sleep. Lucky’s been laying here letting me love on him, but I just can’t get outta my head right now. I’ll be fine.”

Clint quirked a brow at him, clearly unconvinced by Phil’s attempt at trying to say he was alright. Phil sighed again, knowing he was caught in the fib, his arm laying around Clint’s shoulders so he could reach Clint’s back. Sometimes he could talk about things better if he could keep his hands busy; it allowed him to think a little better. 

“It’s just,” he sighed and shook his head again, trying to gather his thoughts. 

“I mean, I don’t want to cause anything negative between you and your brother; but what he did was a seriously dick move. I mean, accusing me of being drunk when the accident happened; so many people accused me of being drunk right after it happened, too. Like, I was lying there broken in a hospital bed, unable to walk; just lost my wife horribly and CPS was threatening to take Janie from me, and people were telling news people I was drunk. That fucking hurt bad ‘cause anyone who’s supposed to know me knows I wouldn’t fucking get drunk and then try to drive; especially with my three-year-old daughter in the car.”

Clint leaned up and gave Phil a light peck. “You can be pissed off at him all you want and I will not say shit about it. I won’t get upset with you; I jumped his ass and beat him. I’m not gonna put up with anyone saying bullshit lies like that to you or anyone else I fucking love. And right now, if he comes back around, I’m probably gonna find your gun and greet him at the door with it aimed at his dick. If he even has one, I’ve always kinda had my doubts.”

Phil huffed weakly, his fingers trailing over Clint’s hip now as Clint snugged closer. Clint removed one hearing aid so he could comfortably put his head down on Phil’s chest again. He snickered and squirmed ticklish when Phil’s fingers snaked under the waistband of his boxers and tickled around his hip. 

“You can rub my butt if it’ll help you feel better,” he teased, wiggling his hips playfully. 

He just snicked and shook his head amused, then playfully snapped the waistband of Clint’s boxers. “I mean, I don’t wanna cause shit between you and your brother; but I really did not need that right now. I’ve felt guilty about it for almost three years now and it was just horrible that night. I’ve always berated myself and said I should’ve paid better attention to the road conditions. That I should’ve just had us stay at Mom’s house instead of trying to go back home. I know already it’s my fault it happened, everyone that night made a point of telling me that much and her parents have called me for the past two years and told me. So, I know. But, still.”

“Fuck that bullshit,” Clint replied, his hand stroking over Phil’s side. “You couldn’t control the fucking weather, Phil. You didn’t cause anything to happen; it was an accident. It’s not like you swerved purposely into the ice or anything like that.”

Phil let out a slow sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. “It’s my fault ‘cause me and Audrey were arguing about the goddamn seat belt. Last thing I told her was that she was gonna eventually have a wreck and die; and that I would laugh when it happened.”

Clint frowned instantly, looking up at Phil almost devastated. “Well yeah, that was a dick move and Karma acted fast; but still it’s not like you did anything on purpose.”

“I’ve always tried not to say shit when I’m pissed off, but that moment just caught me off guard and it happened. She said I was being too paranoid about safety and it just got me. You’re the only one I’ve ever admitted this to, I’ve never even told Nick about it. Always said I didn’t remember what happened right before I hit the ice. Every time I remember it, I’m such a fucking asshole. I mean, what if that’s what caused it to happen and her die so horribly like she did? He was right about her being decapitated, part of the hood came through the windshield. It was like that scene in The Omen when the photographer got his head sliced off with the glass. The metal pushed the windshield into her and fuck.”

Clint leaned up and silenced Phil with a light kiss, terrified by the mental images he had. He sighed and held Phil’s face in his hands, their foreheads pressed together, as Phil fought back tears again and clinged to him tight; their eyes closed. He kept his breathing even so Phil would sync his breathing with Clint’s. 

Sometimes all he could do was grab Phil into his arms and hold onto him to fight off the evil memories plaguing Phil’s mind. 

“I love you,” he whispered quietly, giving Phil another light peck, and caressed Phil’s face. “It wasn’t your fault, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to purposely cause it to happen so it can’t be your fault. Yeah you were angry when you said what you said, but people say shit they don’t mean every single day and since then you’ve been so good at not saying shit out of anger.”

“Yeah, but now my baby girl has to grow up without her mother and those little assholes already pick on her. They’re gonna torture her when they’re all older.”

Clint shook his head, nuzzling Phil and kissing him again as Phil’s arms tightened around him fearfully. “Then I’ll kick their asses. I love that little butt just as much as I love my little Turd; she’s like my little hawkling chick.” He smiled when that got a weak little huff from Phil. “I love her like she’s my own and consider her my own. I’ll protect her just like I do Nattie.”

Phil sighed again, holding Clint tighter to him. “She loves you, too. You’re seriously one of her favorite people. I think she likes you more than me sometimes.”

He grinned, giving another kiss when he felt Phil calm down again; almost hearing Phil’s mind quiet to a dull murmur. He had to remember the hugging thing for future sorrows, Phil was one of those people who wanted to be held but couldn’t bring himself to admit it or ask to be held. 

“Yeah, but you’re Daddy. She loves you more than she loves anyone else. That’s better than being liked. I’m just the sarcastic little asshole that makes her laugh when I do something stupid.”

Phil sighed and snuggled tight to Clint’s side, causing Lucky to have to reposition and lay higher on him. He felt safe with the dog tucked on him. Clint snorted a laugh when Lucky laid his head down on his and huffed at Phil; wanting Phil to pet his head. Phil smiled and obliged the mutt, leaning to give Clint a little nuzzle and a kiss. 

They spent the rest of the morning cuddled together with Lucky lying on them keeping them warm; talking about any random subject they could think of so Phil could keep distracted from his horrible memories. 

################################################################

A few hours later, Phil and Clint pulled themselves out of bed and woke the girls. Clint again cooked breakfast, everyone unofficially designating him as the breakfast maker of the house. They couldn’t get enough of his pancakes, he always surprised them with a different little added something each time.   
Clint made quick work of breakfast, entertaining the girls with his flipping skills as he turned the pancakes on the skillet and accidentally making one fly wild and smack into the fridge. Lucky was quick to claim that one, saving Clint from having to hurry to clean it up.

He sat between Phil and Natalie after giving her a plate and helping her with the syrup. 

“I think I might wanna try to get out of the house for a little bit today,” Phil said as they ate, keeping his eyes on his plate. 

Clint snorted surprised and turned to him. “Are you sure?”

He shrugged and shook his head, feeling a little calmer when Clint put a hand on his thigh and rubbed slowly. “Not 100%, but I’m thinking about it. Not fair to keep the girls holed up and inside for so long, right?”

Clint nodded, his hand soothing on Phil. “Well, if you want, we can try in the back yard first. See how you tolerate that and then gradually get you farther.”

Phil sighed, closing his eyes for a minute, then looked up at Clint with a nod. “Yeah,” he breathed, taking Clint’s hand tight. “I think that would be alright.”

Clint leaned in for a kiss, smiling at him, and gave him a little bit of a nuzzle.

################################################################

It took Clint a couple hours, but he was finally able to coax Phil outside to the back porch. He cleared off the porch chairs and settled Phil into one, wrapping him securely in a blanket. 

The girls waited in the kitchen, ready to put on their coats to play in the back yard. They just had to wait until Clint told them it was alright to come out and that Phil was comfortable outside. 

Clint took a few minutes to love on Phil to calm him down again before feeling him relax. When Phil gave him a little bit of a nod, he went to the kitchen to get the girls into their coats to come outside. 

He brought them outside, having to sweep the porch steps off and guide both girls down one at a time so they wouldn’t slip and fall, then sent them off to play in the yard. 

When he turned around to Phil, he smiled. Lucky was up in Phil’s lap, working again to calm him down. Again, he was glad he went ahead and spent the money he did on Lucky; he was highly trained and exceedingly well at his job. He was so much more than a hearing assist dog. 

Phil made himself concentrate on the girls having fun as they played in the snow, fighting back the horrible memories still. The closer Christmas Eve got, the more devastated he felt. Janie’s birthday was on the 22nd and it was just a week away. Phil still didn’t know if he would be able to do anything special for her. 

He hadn’t been able to give Janie a birthday party since Audrey’s death, Nick and Melinda always planned it and took her somewhere to celebrate. He would usually be wallowing in his grief and unable to join them. 

Clint stayed by Phil’s side, holding onto his hand tight, sitting in the second porch chair as they watched the girls. They managed to each build a snow wall on opposite sides of the big pine tree in the middle of the yard. Neither girl’s wall was all that high and both were uneven; and neither could aim very good with their snowballs. 

But, their giggles and shrieks echoed around loud. Clint would get Phil out in the yard at a later date so they could help the girls and have fun with them. He was fairly confident that he could help Phil overcome his hatred of snow and he knew he could certainly help Phil get through his fears and heartache.


	20. Chapter 20

Phil managed to take a step off the back porch two days later. He stood for just a few seconds before he went back to the safety of the porch rocker though. It was a minuet progressive thing but Clint counted it as a positive for Phil and a negative for the fear and grief Phil battled so hard to overcome. 

But, soon after that Phil had another down spell. Nick and Melinda took the girls the night before Janie’s sixth birthday and would keep them until they were due back to school. 

Christmas Eve, Clint spent the day comforting and holding Phil. Phil broke down frequently and hard, so easily reduced to tears he couldn’t even watch TV. Clint already knew better than to turn on any radios, knowing Phil didn’t need to be bombarded by all the holiday music. 

Neither expected Phil’s mother, Susan Coulson, to arrive unannounced and slightly uninvited. Phil didn’t exactly tolerate her very well during Christmastime.

So, when Susan barged in without knocking, Phil was a little irritated and glared at her. He turned to Clint with a hard stare when Susan came over to him, overly dramatic concerned mother act heavy, and hugged her arms around his shoulders. He grunted when he was smooshed against her breasts tight and she held onto his head to keep him in place so he couldn’t pull away from her. 

“Alright, calm down he’s fine,” Clint almost grumped at her, taking Phil out of her arms and safely into his again. Phil huffed at him, a silent order for Clint to calm down a little bit with Susan. Clint just quirked a brow and shifted to hold him more comfortably. 

“We haven’t met yet,” she told him, hands on her hips. Clint would later swear Phil picked up more of her mannerisms than he admitted. 

He gave her a friendlier smile when he felt Phil relaxing again, surprised that he felt so strongly protective of Phil. 

“I’m Clint,” he told her with a slight nod.

Susan gave a slight roll of her shoulder. “Don’t care,” she replied. “Why are you here?”

Clint’s smile turned snide when Phil let out a breath against his chest, his head tilted smartly. He knew he was running the risk of pissing off Phil, or earning a sharp pinch from him; but he couldn’t hold back. She was upsetting Phil with her attitude. 

“I sometimes suck his dick to cheer him up,” he told her in a stage whisper; tensing when Phil pinched his abdomen hard and twisted. If Phil’s sharp bite to his shoulder told him anything, he was either going to be reamed later or Phil was fighting back a laugh. 

Oh, how he hoped it was laughter. He immediately disliked Susan so much. 

Phil calmed the urge to laugh and turned back to Susan, snugging to Clint. “We’ve been dating a little over six months. The lines work both ways, Mother.”

Susan’s brow shot up unamused by Phil’s smarting attitude. It was always an issue with her when he was younger. He was such a smartass all the time to her. “And you couldn’t tell me?”

“You couldn’t call and ask about Janie at all, for three years and now you’re just up and concerned about us?” Suddenly, Clint didn’t feel bad for popping off to her anymore. “Why are you even here, I don’t recall having called and invited you.”

She huffed at him annoyed. “You know, if you keep that attitude,” she warned. Phil just rolled his eyes. “If you must know, Mr. Nathan phoned me and let me know you have a friend staying with you and Janie.”

Clint snorted at her when she gave him a slight glare, pushing his cheek out with his tongue; insinuating fellatio as he turned his attention back to Phil. 

Phil looked up at Susan, hugging tight to Clint. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave now. You know how I feel about that ass.”

“I came over to help you!” Susan almost shouted at him. 

Phil huffed and sat up, letting Clint get to his feet. He knew Clint could easily get rid of Susan. Clint stood, nudging Lucky up beside Phil, and sighed at Susan; his arms crossed. 

“How much legal trouble can I get into here, Phil?” he asked with a grin. 

Phil shook his head, petting Lucky; keeping his head down close to the dog. “I have bail money, Nick or Mel will pick you up; just no missing teeth please. She does have to be presentable for her snoody guests tonight after all.”

Clint made like he was going to grab Susan quickly, making her yelp and stumble backward startled. When she turned to hurry away, Clint ran after her; though his only intent was getting the front door slammed and locked before she could turn and fight her way back inside the house. Susan ran outside, almost instantly slipping on the icy walkway off the front porch and falling hard. 

Clint covered a laugh as he shut and locked the door, leaving her to embarrassment. He calmed himself and went back to Phil, tucking him back into his arms securely. Phil let out a slow sigh as a fresh wave of grief fell on his chest and gripped his heart in a vice. Clint held Phil tight, nuzzling and kissing on him lovingly. 

He knew Phil’s tears weren’t for the confrontation with Susan, but he would still be exceedingly willing to physically get rid of her if she came back and picked at Phil again. He understood Phil’s dread and aversions to his mother and was a little relieved that their first meeting went a little horribly. Hopefully it meant she stayed away and didn’t meddle in their lives together. 

Phil did feel better having Clint so willing and ready to just hold him and not make him have to ask. Clint understood he had trouble asking anyone for help with his emotions still. 

################################################################

Christmas morning Clint had to physically fight Phil when he found him down in the den in the predawn hours armed with his gun and a bottle of pills Clint didn’t recognize. When he saw the bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the coffee table, Clint knew Phil was having a suicidal episode and hurried to stop him. 

The coffee table was broken in their tussle, along with the whiskey bottle, but Clint got the gun away and unarmed then got ahold of the bottle of pills as Phil struggled to get the child lock lid off. 

“I swear I will shove this whole goddamn bottle up my own ass to keep it away from you right now.” Clint challenged, straddling Phil and pinning him to the floor. 

He sighed and calmed, putting the bottle back on the coffee table, when Phil turned onto his side and curled up as he sobbed again. He got down on the floor beside Phil and took him into his arms tight, tangling Phil’s legs with his own to hold Phil closer to him. 

“Fuck, I know, I’m sorry,” Phil cried, feeling helpless and hurting almost too much. “She’s such a fucking bitch for coming here like that.”

Clint shook his head, nuzzling and kissing on Phil to soothe him. Lucky found his way downstairs and laid behind Phil, putting his head down on Phil’s neck. 

“What happened that night to make you hate her so much now?”

Phil snuffled loud and sighed raggedly. “She’s the one that got CPS involved and tried so fucking hard to get Janie taken away from me. She almost fucking won too, but Nick and Mel managed to one up her. They got temp custody, but they didn’t try to keep me away from her. I was required to do fucking rehab for almost a year because of her.”

Clint let out a slow breath, kissing Phil again; but also sniffing subtly for the scent of the alcohol and trying to see if he could taste it on Phil. He was relieved when he didn’t. Sure, he smelled like a bar himself; he landed on the whiskey bottle when they tumbled; but Phil was completely sober. Clint didn’t believe he would have actually taken the pills; he had a feeling Phil was just not thinking right at the moment. 

After nearly an hour, Phil was quiet again; aside from residual sniffles and shaking breaths. Clint hooked the blanket off the couch with his toe and nudged it over him and Phil, reaching behind Phil for the TV remote so they wouldn’t be lying in the den floor in complete silence. 

################################################################

They woke a few hours later, both stiff and aching from having fallen asleep in the hard floor. But, Phil was a little better now. At least Clint managed to get some food into him. Phil laughed at Clint’s idea of comfort food; anything and everything he could manage to get deep fried and greasy. 

The vegetable rolls Clint made from scratch was gone before all of them had a chance to cool down enough not to almost scorch their mouths. Phil appreciated having a partner so familiar and comfortable in a kitchen. He wasn’t much of a cooker and secretly hated having to do it.   
After smoking a few buds together, Clint baked sweet stuff again. Phil made him laugh when he sat in the kitchen floor while he mixed everything; hugged to his leg. He couldn’t help loving Phil a little more each time Clint witnessed him high on marijuana; Phil was almost adorable. 

When the full cookie sheet got into the oven, Phil prodded at Clint until he sat down in the floor with him and laid down in front of the oven door with Clint tucked in his arms. Phil nuzzled and kissed on Clint, finally feeling good and his mind numb against the horrible Christmas memories. 

Clint laid letting Phil nuzzle and rub on him; content to just let Phil do whatever to him; until the timer dinged and he had to switch out cookie batches. After the next batch was in the oven, Phil pulled him back down again. 

Their private moment was disturbed when Nick came in to check on Phil. They weren’t answering their phones and Nick got concerned. 

“In the middle of the kitchen floor, Phil?” he laughed. “You’re at least keeping clothes on, right?”

Phil snickered dopily, nuzzling and kissing Clint. “God I’m so far up I hear Nick,” he snorted. 

Clint looked up curiously, he could swear he heard Nick as well, jerking startled and laughing when he saw the man; of course, clad in his leather trench coat and looking like an intimidating pirate. 

“I wonder if he’s a ring pirate,” he replied, assuming Nick was a hallucination from the marijuana. 

Phil snickered and snorted hard, too far gone to control the reaction. Nick just shook his head at them, snatching up a few cookies off the cooling rack, and turned to go wait in the den for them to sober up a little bit. 

He was just glad to see Phil smiling again, he didn’t care that they were both higher than the first layer of the atmosphere. He would just hang around long enough to make sure they didn’t get hurt messing around in the kitchen. 

After making more fried foods and sweets, Phil and Clint gathered their hoard and finally made it to the den. They both stopped in the doorway, arms full of food and drink; Phil insisted he needed iced tea desperately; when they spotted Nick lounged in a recliner. 

“Okay, you can stay; go get some food,” Phil told him, like Clint assuming he was a hallucination. “Touch my tea, I will stab you. I made it just right this time and I’m stingy with it.”

Nick couldn’t help laughing as the pair settled onto the couch with Lucky tucked beside Phil again. He stood and went to the kitchen; watching Phil high was far too great and entertaining to just up and leave now. He had to stick around for a while and enjoy the show, it could only get better from here.


	21. Chapter 21

The morning after Christmas day Clint woke to Lucky almost frantically clawing at him, trying to wake him. He stilled the dog and got out of the blankets, putting his hearing aids in and immediately hearing Phil in the bathroom retching horribly. He rushed to the bathroom, seeing Phil over the toilet and groaning miserably. With a sigh, thankful that Phil wasn’t hurt, expecting this; Clint stepped up and sat on the side of the tub behind Phil. He held Phil’s hip in one hand and rubbed his back with the other soothingly. 

Phil warned him that he would always wake in the days following the dreaded holiday and retch; the grief and pain causing him to get sick every year since Audrey. He never could figure out why, but having expected it; Clint was calm as he soothed Phil. 

After a few heart wrenching minutes, Phil was quiet; stomach hopefully empty now. He sighed as he reached for the wash cloth on the counter to wipe his mouth. He groaned when he felt it had dried, he set it out the night before but didn’t think far enough ahead to realize it would dry out. Clint eased it out of Phil’s hand to get it wet again as Phil reached to flush the toilet. 

Clint sat down and pulled Phil between his knees, letting him lean against his thigh as he wiped Phil’s face with the cold cloth. Phil just surrendered to Clint, feeling too weak; both physically and mentally; to put up an argument or feel like Clint was babying him. His heart was breaking again and he just wanted to be held and be taken care of right now. 

Clint helped Phil back to his feet, holding him up as he brushed his teeth and swished a capful of mouthwash. He couldn’t help smiling, Phil’s thoroughness after getting sick to assure all traces were out of his mouth was just precious to Clint. Sure, he appreciated the extra effort; nobody wanted bile tasting kisses, but it was just another thing he adored about Phil. He would brush and swish twice if Clint didn’t shoo him out of the bathroom and back into bed. 

This time when they laid down together, Clint cradled Phil in his arms and held Phil’s head to his chest. He figured since Phil’s heartbeat was so soothing to him, maybe his would have the same results for Phil. 

“I know it’s weak, but could you just hold me today so I don’t go crazy?”

Clint leaned and pecked Phil carefully, bopping his nose and giving a little nuzzle. He was surprised that Phil flat out requested to be held and tightened his arms around him. He gave a contented sigh when he felt Phil relax a little bit, almost able to hear Phil’s rambling thoughts calm down and quiet to a dull murmur as well. 

“I’ll gladly hold you for as long as you want, and it’s not weak to wanna be held; under any circumstances ever. At least in my opinion, I know some guys have that douchebag macho complex. I like being the big spoon just as much as I like being the little one.”

Phil let out a slow breath, leaning and tucking his face into Clint’s neck as he clinged to him tighter. The pain, every sound of the wreck, Audrey’s scream and Janie crying; all of the negative everything of that night came screeching back to him. It sounded like a banshee wailing the warning of an approaching death. 

Clint tightened his hold again, to the point that it caused physical pain in his arms and shoulders. But he ignored his own discomfort to give Phil what he desperately needed. 

Lucky climbed back up onto the bed with them when he heard Phil inhale sharply and laid down across Phil’s back and shoulders. Clint couldn’t help smiling when Lucky leaned his head down and nudged Phil’s chin; getting Phil to peek up at him so he could surprise him with a wet lick. Phil huffed a weak chuckle, wiping his mouth after the unexpected intrusion of dog tongue. 

“Sorry, I don’t French animals, pest,” he tried to joke. 

“Him just wants some lovins!” Clint cooed at Lucky exaggeratingly, getting another weak chuckle from Phil. “Him loves his other Daddy too!”

Phil huffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he tucked into Clint again. He did indeed always feel a little better with Lucky comforting him as well. He reached up and scratched at Lucky’s neck, slowly calming again and feeling safe being tucked so securely between the two. He again thanked every deity he wasn’t sure existed that Clint came into his life. 

“He does help me so much. It’s kinda crazy how he’s just trained to assist in hearing for you but he’s so in tune with emotions and responds so well. It’s like he’s got empathy or something.”

Clint leaned up and kissed Lucky’s muzzle, smiling. “He’s always just done it naturally. When I first got him, I was in bad shape mentally and everything just sucked rotten donkey dick. He’s saved my ass probably fifty times now ‘cause he’s so in tune with emotions.”

“He does have a habit of telling on me when he catches me about to do something stupid.”

Clint smiled and gave Phil a little peck, nuzzling him gently; getting a weak little smile for his affections. Phil desperately needed the distraction from everything negative that Clint gave to him so willingly. It felt good being with someone who was so ready to just hold onto him whenever he could bring himself to admit that he needed to be held for a while. It felt good being with someone who wasn’t going to judge and look down on him because he felt weak. 

It felt even better to have someone in his life who just focused on loving him instead of trying to hurt him with his grief and heartache. 

Phil let out a confused murmur when he suddenly heard music playing and forced himself out of his thoughts enough to pay attention to the room again. He couldn’t help smiling when he realized Clint had turned on the TV to one of the 70’s music channels for background noise that wouldn’t risk playing Christmas music. 

After a minute he recognized the song, huffing again and giving Clint another little peck as Clint serenaded him dorkily. A few lines later, Phil quieted him with a little bit of a deeper kiss; nuzzling him. Clint grinned, happy that he again managed to get Phil out of his head, his arms tightening around Phil securely. Phil felt the broken pieces start to go back together a little bit more. 

“Dorkbutt,” he chuckled quietly, nibbling playfully at Clint’s chin; getting another laugh from him. 

“Nerd.” Clint retaliated, sighing happily. 

Phil squirmed to get comfortable before tucking his face into Clint’s neck again and closing his eyes to try and get a little more sleep. Clint tightened his arms around Phil, tangling their legs together, and let his eyes close slowly. 

He just had to keep Phil safe in his arms and help guide him through the pain he felt so heavy. He knew he could keep Phil from harm, both from others and harming himself. He knew he could help Phil defeat his personal demons. 

################################################################

Phil was surprised when he continued to get sick in the days following Christmas. By the time Nick and Melinda brought the girls home New Year’s Day, he was basically bedbound and feeling like death warmed over. Naturally he just assumed it was his guilt overpowering him again and making him sick. So, he wouldn’t go to the doctor for an exam when Clint tried to get him to go.

Clint tried to make a homemade vegetable and beef soup that should have settled Phil’s stomach a little bit at the very least. But, whatever bug that had Phil in its clutches was resistant to the comfort food. 

It was a struggle to tend to both girls and a sick Phil at the same time, but luckily for him; the girls started school the day after New Year’s. He was worried that he and Phil were missing so much work, but for some reason; so far, Nick and Melinda hadn’t said anything to them about the extended leave. 

Clint didn’t know that the workaholic he loved so much had a secret hidden office until he came upstairs to check on Phil. He rounded the top of the stairs and paused when he saw Phil at the end of the hallway; and almost startled when the farthest wall opened to reveal the office. That’s the kind of thing he only saw in spy thrillers. 

He smiled as he came down the hall and poked his head into the office. “So, this is where you’re hiding from me,” he teased playfully as he rounded Phil’s desk; of course his home office desk would be fancier than his desk down at work. The adorkable nerd. 

Phil smiled a little guiltily as Clint sat down on the edge of the desk beside him, taking Clint’s hand. “I’m not hiding,” he rebuffed, leaning his head back when nausea began to creep up on him. “Nick knows I have this set up so I can work from home when the weather’s bad. They have one of the mail carriers running errands from your end since he knows I really don’t want you out on the roads either.”

Clint leaned and kissed Phil, giving him a caress to check for fever. Phil was a little warm, probably just had a low-grade fever. He didn’t know if it was better or worse to have a low-grade fever with a cold or the flu. But, he was sure Phil only had a run of the mill cold and would be fine in a few days. He didn’t want to stress Phil and make him worry about getting sicker right now. 

Especially when Phil was getting into a better headspace with the departure of the holidays. 

“I’m working on getting you a desk for in here so you can work from home, too. I mean, you’re still getting paid; we both are; it’s just not the full amount that we’d get if we were able to go in. It’s the only way I could get HR to agree not to fire me and I just weaseled you into the deal before we left.”

Clint nodded, looking at the computer screen. He snicked when he saw the screen was off, amused that Phil had been typing without it being on in the first place. 

“That’s gotta be a good monitor if you can see your stuff with it off.”

Phil turned to the screen then huffed a laugh when he realized his blunder; shaking his head carefully at himself. “I honestly thought I turned it on.”

Clint leaned for another kiss, his smile growing when Phil bopped their noses together playfully; giving his lip a careful nibble. “Wanna come cuddle then, since you’re hallucinating that you’re working?”

He sighed, rubbing Clint’s thigh slowly. “I’d love to, I feel like crap, but I gotta get some of this stuff done at least.”

“I can always cuddle with you in your lap while you work,” he offered, only a little bit playfully; he was more serious about cuddling with Phil. 

Phil smiled and opened his arms to Clint, letting him come in and settle into his lap and get comfortable before turning on the computer and getting to work. He just wanted Clint to stay close while they waited for the girls to get out of school for the day. Bucky would pick them up on his way home from his new job and bring them home. 

Clint gave a comfortable sigh, pecking Phil’s neck and making him snick and squirm ticklish, then settled to sit with Phil until he was done working for the day. Phil again was glad to have the talent to multitask so well. He still wasn’t too willing to have Clint venture too far away right now. 

He needed to be able to hold onto Clint and keep him close so he could continue to fight his grief and move forward with his life. It was easier when he had someone he loved so much again, but still had a lingering fear that he would also lose Clint horribly. 

That was one fear Phil couldn’t bring himself to discuss with Clint yet. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to discuss it; he just knew that if he lost Clint, he would spiral out of control and never be able to regain his life back again. Now, he wanted to be stubborn and fight the temptations of ending his life. Now, he felt he needed to throw out the excuse that if he died, he wouldn’t have to worry about Janie. 

Now, if he died, he would be leaving behind not only his daughter; but two more of the most important people in his life. He finally felt like he couldn’t hurt anyone else like that.


	22. Chapter 22

After finding Phil’s secret office, Clint noticed that Phil would slink away for about an hour to an hour and a half every evening. His immediate thought and intense fear was that Phil was talking to someone else and looking to replace him now that Phil allowed himself to try again. 

Well, he told himself with a sigh, it was a good seven and a half months. Maybe this time he would learn his lesson: dating is for idiots and shmucks, of which he was neither. He knew it would be a struggle to start detaching himself from Phil, and Natalie would be crushed when they were forced to leave. But, he would do what he had to do to assure his daughter was safe. No longer having Natasha, he felt like he wouldn’t have anyone he considered a friend that would help them out and he would have to take Natalie and find somewhere else to take her for a new home. 

Weeks of watching Phil sneak off to his office, Clint’s heart shattered more and more. 

Finally, Clint had his fill of stress and fear. He had to find out what Phil was doing. When he barged into the office, he noticed a few things immediately. First was the desk Phil told him he was getting delivered for him. How Phil snuck a humongous desk past him, it would have been packaged in separate pieces he knew, and then get it built without him noticing; he didn’t know. 

Second, that there was an obvious lack of anything out of place or odd. 

Third; and most terrifying; was that Phil was missing half his left arm. Clint gave a helpless huff at the sight of Phil holding onto the missing half between his knees as he poked and prodded at the base with a weird little tool. 

Phil looked up startled when Clint barged in, ready to explain his missing limb; from the accident of course; but Clint was flat out in the floor fainted before either could speak. He hurried to reconnect the prosthetic and rushed to Clint frightened that he was hurt. 

After a couple minutes, Phil roused Clint finally; huffing a relieved breath as he sat Clint up slowly and held his head as he checked for injuries. 

“What was that?” Clint asked, his eyes still a little wide. He didn’t see that adoring little smile Phil gave him when he was genuinely confused about something as he grabbed for Phil’s arm to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. 

“Injury from the accident,” he shrugged. “I don’t advertise it a lot ‘cause I’m still getting used to it. Had to tinker with the connections again ‘cause I don’t wanna go again for an upgrade on the mechanics like I should.”

Clint shook his head, his mind still reeling wildly for a grip on reality. He finally understood why he always saw that little leather cuff on Phil’s arm, up close and actually aware now, he could see just a tiny bit of a seam running around the middle of the cuff. 

“I thought you were making plans for me to leave,” he shrugged, feeling a little helpless. 

Phil snorted a startled little chuckle. “What?” he asked, reaching to land a caress on Clint’s face and get Clint to look up at him. He gave Clint that little smile again, one that meant he was happy and so deeply in love still. “Why would I even consider anything that would make my little dorkbutt leave?”

Clint let out a breath, relieved when he saw in Phil’s eyes that he was being truthful, and leaned his forehead down on Phil’s shoulder. “Sorry, I just get worried sometimes ‘cause this love stuff doesn’t usually last with me.”

Phil sighed and hugged Clint into his arms tight. “Well, it is a lot my fault ‘cause I was being kinda sneaky and not saying anything when I come in here. I’m just kinda still embarrassed and self-conscious about it, I wasn’t meaning to be deceptive with you at all. I’m sorry.”

After a minute Clint was able to catch his breath again. He pulled back and looked up at Phil, feeling a little bit helpless and completely ridiculous for his jump to assumptions. Phil just smiled and kissed him again, wiping away a tear on Clint’s face he was sure Clint wasn’t aware was falling. 

With a little bit of an effort, Phil was able to coax Clint up to his feet again and took him over to sit down at his desk. He settled Clint on the edge as he reached to disconnect the prosthetic again and try to get it to work properly so he wouldn’t have to go through all the trouble of getting another. Clint watched him, naturally curious now that the initial freak out was over. 

“So, it’s one of those like.” Phil snorted when Clint made a vague hand wave gesture. “Like robot ones?”

“Yes, and the mechanics are a pain in the ass.”

Clint nodded and reached across the desk for Phil’s phone, making Phil look up at him confused as he dialed a number quickly; obviously long seeded into his memory. 

“Hey, Bitchface. I need a favor,” Clint greeted when the other line answered. Phil huffed a startled laugh, surprised and at the same time not at all surprised by the almost mean greeting. 

Apparently, whoever Clint called was a long-time friend because they weren’t reaming him for being so vulgar to them as soon as they picked up the phone. He was even more surprised when Clint took the prosthetic and examined it as he spoke. Phil didn’t think to expect all the science drawn specifics of the prosthetic to be that obvious to him. Phil barely understood most of it himself. 

When Clint hung up the phone, he turned to Phil with a grin and plucked the little tool out of his right hand; then started to tinker with the prosthetic for a minute before he spoke. Phil staring at him like he had three heads made him laugh. 

“I know the guy who designed this,” he explained with a grin. “Real science nerd, small guy but good heart. He’s like Irish or something, I think. He’s got one of those accents that I can’t place and he says fockin’ ‘ell a lot so I figure either Irish or Scottish.”

Phil almost giggled at the attempted accent. “Goddammit, Barton,” he huffed. “I shouldn’t laugh at that you little ass.”  
Clint grinned happily and leaned in for a kiss before tinkering again. 

“He’s gonna come down and take a look at it and bring a new model he’s working on ‘cause his ass owes me a huge favor. I kinda took the heat for him when he blew up one of his experiments at that fancy ass school he went to; out in New England. I mean, I was an online student but I had to go talk to one of the professors about some shit grade he gave me. Told the cops I went snooping after meeting with him and found the science department. Curiosity got the better of me and I touched something.”

Phil just shook his head, grinning still. 

Clint fixed the short circuit for now and gave the prosthetic to Phil with a smile. “You’ll like Leo, he’s like a nervous little mouse. It’s so much fun making him squeal.”

Phil grinned and kissed Clint after reconnecting the prosthetic. Clint stood and pulled Phil up to his feet, directing him out of the office; giving the wall edge a little nudge with his foot to activate the door to close; then took Phil downstairs to the den. Phil laughed when Clint playfully knocked him down onto the loveseat and planted himself to Phil’s side; his legs draped over the far arm of the loveseat. 

He hated the small, horrible excuse of a couch but it snugged him closer to Phil so he couldn’t complain about that. 

################################################################

At four the girls got home from school. Phil and Clint were concerned when they heard the girls bickering with each other and came out of the kitchen to see why they were mad. They saw Bucky in the den doorway. He turned and sighed at them, a deep frown on his face. 

Clint yelled terrified when he saw the girls bruised up a little bit and their faces scratched. He barely had time to react and catch Natalie when she hurried over to him. Janie went to Phil tearfully. 

“What happened?” Phil asked, cradling her and turning back to Bucky.

He sighed, cringing, and frowned as he gave the doorframe a frustrated little tap. He didn’t want to tell them what happened. When he didn’t answer, Clint spoke up; his tone a little harsh. 

“Bucky, what the fuck happened?” he almost barked at the man. Phil looked ready to swing out at Bucky, suspecting his silence meant he hurt the girls. 

“I kinda got run off the road by a drunk driver; fucker flipped us. Cops took my phone so I couldn’t call you.”

Phil lost his anger in a frightened huff, pulling back from Janie to look at her again. Clint reached over when he noticed Phil’s grip was a little too tight, unable to control his instant reaction of terror. 

“Hey,” he soothed, keeping Natalie tucked into his chest. “They’re fine, calm down.”

Phil turned to him trembling. Clint wrapped his free arm around Phil and turned back to Bucky with a sigh, holding Phil’s head on his shoulder and tucked under his chin protectively. “Have they been checked out?”

Bucky nodded, still frowning. “I tried to get the hospital staff to call you, but police wouldn’t let them. They’re hiding something or scheming something. It’s not right.”

Clint sighed slowly and held Phil tighter. “Dammit,” he huffed worried and frustrated. “I bet anything it has to do with that fucking teacher from last year. She’s always fucking glaring when she sees me out in public. She’s had it out for me since I told her off.”

Bucky shrugged, still expecting them to be mad at him for having a wreck with their daughters in the car with him. “I mean, I’m really fucking sorry this happened. I tried so hard to get ahold of you both, they just wouldn’t let me at all. I don’t know what’s going on, but I really don’t like it.”

Clint nodded, nuzzling Natalie’s head and giving her a kiss on a bruised spot on her forehead. “It’ll be alright,” he sighed, tucking Phil in close to him again. “Hopefully I’m wrong about that damn teacher and it’s just cops not wanting to do their job ‘cause they probably don’t know who hit you.”

He shook his head with a sigh. “I didn’t see anything but a blur. Whoever they were, they were faster than I could see.”

After lingering for a few minutes, Bucky left the house; needing to get home before dark. Being on foot it would take a little bit of a trek. Clint ordered delivery for dinner, not wanting to step away from Phil and the girls for more than a couple minutes. They piled onto the couch together, clinging to each other. 

Phil again couldn’t stop the feeling of being helpless against everything in the universe that was trying to hurt him and his baby girl. He clinged to her and Clint fighting his old memories again. 

Later, when he and Phil would get the girls to bed, Clint would do up a batch of brownies and get Phil relaxed again. He needed Phil calm so he wasn’t freaking out and risking getting violent. He was sure Phil wouldn’t lash out violent with the girls home now but Clint didn’t want to risk anything. 

When the food arrived, Phil helped get the girls set up but he was still moving a little too robotically. Clint stepped up his affections on Phil, caressing and kissing at random moments while they ate; this time breaking the kitchen table rule and eating in the den so everyone was relaxed and comfortable. Phil tried to get out of his head again, but knew it would be a battle to push away all the negative memories. He just had to remember to hang onto Clint and let Clint guide him along out of the dark this time. He knew he would be alright as long as he kept hold of Clint.


	23. Chapter 23

Clint spent the following couple weeks looking into information, what little bit he could find, about the drunk driver that rammed Bucky and the girls off the road. He had proof Ms. Parker wasn’t involved like he initially assumed, but he still didn’t feel bad for the assumption; she was always rude to Natalie so he wouldn’t put it past her to try to get someone to physically harm her. 

It was looking to be just a random happening with the drunk driver. But, that still didn’t explain why the police wouldn’t let Bucky or hospital staff call him and Phil. He would think that since the girls were their daughters, they would at least be told that their daughters were at the hospital following a wreck. 

He was about to just give up and chopped it up to police being assholes because he and Phil were two men living together. Discrimination did make more sense than a vengeful former teacher. 

Leaving that task for a later date, Clint turned his attention back to his family. He had to help Phil repair his prosthetic almost daily now, Leo unable to travel out until the beginning of March. It was barely February now, but it was Valentine’s Day so Clint had a good reason to let himself have fun. 

He left work early, only telling Phil that he had something extremely important to do and that he would make sure the girls were picked up from school. He wanted to make Phil a special dinner, after seeing the girls off with Steve for the weekend of course because he had zero plans to leave the bed once he got Phil in the sheets.

Steve picked him up and took him to buy the groceries he would need, putting in a few ideas to edge away something Clint thought of that he knew Phil wouldn’t like or if it was something he wouldn’t notice. 

He had to put the escargot back on the shelf, not only was that something you bought fresh preferably; Phil wasn’t a pretentious asshole. Clint just always associated the snails with being fancy and special. He and Kate usually enjoyed pizza with a little tea candle on the coffee table for their Valentine’s Day celebrations, he didn’t know how to actually plan something so big. 

Clint’s phone rang when they stopped at the baking supplies, distracting him from his mental list of ingredients for Baklava. He couldn’t help smiling when he saw Phil’s name on the screen. 

“So, now are you gonna tell me what you’re scheming?” Phil asked. 

Clint did not see him at the other end of the aisle, having his own plans for making dinner for Clint. 

He grinned, picking up a few packs of phyllo dough. “I’m sorry, but it’s a surprise,” he replied, pulling the cart along unaware that Phil followed still. 

Phil didn’t expect to find Clint at the store and surmised that Clint was most likely off getting a gift or something. “Did I ever tell you that your ass looks really great in those slacks you’re wearing?”

Clint laughed loud, assuming Phil was just trying to butter him up for information on his plans. “I believe you did, and do every time I wear them. Which, I do as often as I can ‘cause I like distracting y-”

He cut off with a startled yell when Phil caught up with him and Steve and hooked an arm around him to plant a kiss on his neck. He turned quickly, but the startled reaction to fight Phil off died when he recognized him. 

“No!” he laughed, thumping Phil playfully. “Aw man, I wanted to surprise you when you got off work later, Nerd.”

Phil chuckled and kissed him again, pointedly avoiding looking further into Clint’s cart after spotting the chocolate fondue set. He didn’t want to ruin the surprise because it was obvious this meant something important to Clint. 

“Okay, then how about I let you handle dinner; and I’ll go pick up a special gift for you then go on home to make sure everything’s clean?”

Clint grinned happily. “What were you buying?’

He shrugged, gesturing to his cart and the couple items he picked up. “Well, we needed bread and a few essentials but I was on my way to get stuff to cook for you. But if you really wanna cook.” He couldn’t help laughing when Clint quirked a brow and gave a little bit of a nod. “I’ll just pick up stuff for the girls’ lunches and let you have your surprise dinner.”

Clint tugged Phil’s tie and pulled him in for a kiss, not caring that they were in the middle of Wal-Mart and it was crowded. “Steve’s gonna take the girls for the weekend so maybe you could get them a bag packed?”

Phil nodded, pecking Clint’s nose and giving him a little nuzzle. “I wanna get you something really special so linger over in this part for a little bit.”

They kissed again before separating to their tasks. Clint couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he shopped, collecting ingredients to make Shrimp and Lobster Alfredo for Phil, knowing it was one of his favorite meals. He enjoyed surprising Phil with anything, but when it was a favorite something, it made him feel good. 

He finished shopping quickly, only needing a few things to make the night almost perfect. But, before going to check-out; Clint stopped by the jewelry department. He found an old pocket watch that belonged to Phil’s father and had it repaired and put in working order again for him. He wanted to give something to Phil that he definitely would like instead of risking getting something like the usual flowers and candy.   
After paying, Steve dropped Clint off at home and collected the girls’ bags then took off to wait at the school for them to be let out. Clint snuck the food bags past Phil, making him laugh as he yelled for him to not look while he ran through to the kitchen with them. He hid the items in the fridge and pantry before grabbing up the fondue pot and melting chocolates, joining Phil in the den.

“I’ll start cooking in a little bit,” he said with a grin as he took the pot out of the box and started to set it up on the coffee table. He would have to keep the chocolate out of it until they were ready to use it though, he didn’t want Lucky getting ahold of any of it and getting sick. “But, I saw this neat little thing and couldn’t pass it up.”

Phil chuckled, his hand tucked into his pocket gripping Clint’s gift nervously in his fist. He wanted to surprise Clint and make him happy with his gift. Clint kicked off his shoes and took off his dress shirt before leaning and tucking to Phil’s side happily hugging to him. Phil held him tight, giving him a kiss. 

“So, do we wanna do the gifts now or wait ‘til after dinner?”

Clint shrugged, wrapping an arm around Phil snug. “Depends on what you wanna do, I’m good either way, just as long as I get to cook for you. That’s actually really important to me.”

He smiled and kissed Clint again, tightening his hold. “I have noticed it’s easier for you to show how you feel with food, so I’ll gladly give you free reign whenever you want to do anything in the kitchen.”

Clint gave him another kiss before he stood to get the pocket watch out of his coat pocket, smiling as he came back and settled beside Phil again. “So, now or wait?”

Phil sighed at him, that tiny smile of adoration and love on his face again, reaching out and beckoning him close. Clint went to Phil happily and snugged back to his side, landing a little kiss on Phil’s chin. 

“I really suck at romantic doings,” Phil told him, his fingers fluttering on Clint’s neck with a feather light pressure. “I mean, I suck bad.”

Clint snorted a laugh, giving Phil a little nuzzle. “Well, do it in your own way and I promise it’ll still be special. I can’t do any romantic anything except cooking something special. But, what we do is us most important than anything that other couple do.”

Phil quieted Clint with another kiss, pulling the little box out of his pocket and nudging it into Clint’s hand. Clint stared at the little box for a minute, grinning, expecting something goofy from Phil like cufflinks or something. Or maybe a new tie pin because his broke and it was the only one he owned. 

He lost his breath when he saw the black onyx band tucked into the box though, staring at it shocked. He couldn’t help his smile growing goofily as he huffed a happy little laugh. A little inscription on the ring caught his eye and he noticed it was the day he and Phil made themselves official between themselves; instead of the expected date that they were official to their friends. 

“What’s this?” he asked, already knowing but wanting Phil to actually ask him. 

Phil shrugged, caressing Clint’s face. “I was kinda hoping you’d say yes when I ask you to marry me,” he replied, his tone quiet and nervous. “I mean, will you?”

Clint chuckled, taking pity on Phil’s nervousness and not making him ask directly, giving him a kiss. “Yeah,” he said hushed, nodding slightly. 

But, a part of him was broken because he would have to do this one without Natasha by his side. That thought almost crumbled him, but he kept the smile for Phil as he passed him the box containing his father’s pocket watch. 

“You kinda one upped me here, but I’m like %10,000 sure you’ll love it.”

Phil huffed a laugh and opened the box. “Oh,” he grinned instantly. “I thought I lost this years ago; where’d you find it?”

Clint smiled and shrugged; his smile grew when Phil opened the watch and saw it was working again. “It was in the closet tucked in one of your shoes you hardly ever wear anymore. It was kinda obvious that it’s something special to you ‘cause it was so polished when I found it, just needed a bit of repair and a shine to buff out a little knick I found on the front.”

Phil looked up at Clint finally, feeling a bit of tears stinging his eyes at the sentimental gift he was given back. Clint huffed quietly, not sure how to react to sentimentality, and kissed him again. 

“Seriously, a ring is nothing compared to this here,” Phil told him. “This little thing, it just means so much to me and having it back; and actually working again; that’s really special to me.”

“So, it’s a good thing?”

Phil huffed and nodded, smiling more. “Very much so,” he replied. “I mean, I just can’t believe you found it and it’s been misplaced for at least five years now.”

He laughed and shook his head amused. “Only you would have shoes five years old still in your closet.”

Phil paused curious, his mind going over the shoes they both had in their closet at the moment. “Which ones?”

Clint shrugged, looking at the ring again and smiling. “It’s like moccasin looking ones, like some sort of animal hide and fake fur inside. Like bedroom slippers guys typically get.”

Phil’s head tilted curiously as he thought back to the shoes. “Kinda jade green color?” When Clint nodded and looked up at him again, Phil lost his breath shocked. Clint was startled when Phil stood suddenly, thinking he either heard something horrible outside or was getting sick again, but rushed to follow. 

Phil hurried upstairs and rummaged through their shoes before finding the jade green slippers. “These?” Clint nodded from the doorway, concerned now. “Holy shit, these were my dad’s, too. I never wear them ‘cause I don’t want them wearing out and tearing up. What is it with you and fate?”

He laughed and shrugged clueless, shaking his head. “I guess I’m just a lucky asshole like that.”

Phil set the slippers on the bed then stepped to Clint and hugged him into his arms tight. In less than fifteen minutes, Clint had given him something he thought lost forever and reminded him of another token he had from his father. 

If that wasn’t a blaring sign that he and Clint were meant to be together, he wasn’t sure what to think. 

Clint smiled and tucked to Phil, feeling his heartbeat thumping through their chests. He cherished every moment he got with Phil, a part of him still suspecting it wouldn’t last forever and trying to ignore that negative little voice telling him that vicious lie. 

After a few minutes, and a few dozen stolen kisses, they went back downstairs. Phil followed Clint to the kitchen to keep him company and help here and there while he cooked. Again, Clint surprised him when he saw what Clint intended to make. It made him smile; he didn’t know that Clint knew one of his favorite foods. They rarely ever strayed far from frozen dinners and things that were easy and quick so they could concentrate on the girls. 

Both were almost positive they would work out together. Both kept each other just happy nearly all the time. Sure, they had a disagreement here and there but it was never anything horrible or vicious. They both decided after their near fiasco with Barney, that they would both sit and discuss things like adults instead of arguing and fighting with each other; especially in front of their girls. 

Where Clint was a little quick to anger and snap, Phil was patient and calm. He was helping Clint learn how to be more patient and not so quick to snap into anger with insignificant things. Clint was glad that Phil was such a patient man, he needed someone who wouldn’t just give up on him. But, he still had that lingering fear that his time with Phil was limited; and even moreso now that he had a ring on his finger. 

He would just have to enjoy what time left he had with Phil and concentrate on the good stuff in his life.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave a comment if you like my fic, please!

Phil surprised Clint with another gift after dinner. He remembered Clint telling Darcy about a bow and arrow set he had that was stolen by one of his neighbors. So, Phil wanted to surprise Clint and bought him a new, professional level set. He splurged, of course because this was for Clint after all, and got titanium shafts so the arrows wouldn’t easily break. 

He bought a target set up as well, wanting to see Clint’s skills first hand. He couldn’t help being excited as he playfully blindfolded Clint after dinner and led him carefully to the back yard, letting out a little snicker. 

Clint grinned when he heard Phil’s unashamed glee, reaching back and rubbing on Phil’s hips. His smile grew when he felt Phil land a little kiss on his neck as he reached for the blindfold. When Clint saw the target range and the bow with a quiver full of arrows, wrapped together with a huge purple bow, he laughed happily. 

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed excited, almost jumping the steps to the yard as he hurried to inspect the bow up close. It was almost exactly like the one that got stolen, the only difference was the color was bright purple and had his old circus alias HAWKEYE etched on the side of the grip. 

Phil came at a calmer pace, leaning against the little table where he put the quiver. His smile grew as Clint got more excited with everything he noticed about the gift. The fletching had Clint’s initials CFB and Clint Barton stamped on. 

“Oh, my God, Phil!” Clint shook his head with a little chuckle, closing his eyes for a moment to blink away the sting of tears. “Holy shit. I just can’t even believe this. Oh, my God seriously. How’d you know?”

Phil shrugged, leaning in for a kiss and to brush away the few tears that escaped. He knew he did good when Clint hugged the bow and quiver to his chest and then tucked into his arms. 

“I overheard you talking to Darcy about the set that was stolen. I figured you’d like to have it again ‘cause I know how much you enjoy archery.”

Clint chuckled and shook his head, leaning against Phil’s shoulder. “You just gave me a part of Kate back. She loved all this and we always had so much fun together.” Phil smiled, giving him another little kiss. “Now, I get to share it with you and all that good stuff.”

“I’m definitely up for lessons with you,” he mused, rubbing Clint’s back slowly to soothe him again. “I knew, out of anything I could give you; this would be the most important to you.”

After a few minutes, Clint pulled back and wiped his eyes; looking at his watch for a moment. “Let’s go to the sports store, I wanna get you a good bow to learn with so we can do this together.”

“Are you sure?” Clint nodded, putting the bow and quiver carefully in the stand on the table; making sure nothing would tip over and get damaged. 

Phil tucked him into a hug as they turned and went back inside to get ready to leave for the store. He chuckled when they were putting on their coats and he caught Clint looking at the ring on his finger again. Clint couldn’t keep the smile off his face whenever the ring caught his eye. Phil took Clint’s hand and led him out to the car, getting another kiss when he opened the car door for Clint. 

Clint sat down and buckled automatically, putting his arm down on the rest between their seats ready for Phil’s hand. Phil sat and buckled, grabbing for Clint’s hand after starting the car and backing out of the driveway. He put Clint’s hand against his chest and kissed Clint’s knuckles, getting a little bit of a laugh. 

When Clint flicked on the radio, he began singing along; squirming a happy jig in his seat to make Phil laugh more. He enjoyed being silly for Phil, it made both of them happy; and he was always joking that the sound of Phil’s laughter was like a blissful high for Clint. 

A commercial played on the radio after the song ended, pausing Clint. Phil snicked when he saw Clint’s head tilted curiously. Clint was thinking about both the ring and the bow and arrows. He knew just by looking at the items, none of it had come from Wal-Mart. 

“Besides lunch stuff, what else did you get at Wal-Mart earlier?” he asked. 

“I kinda have another gift for you in the office. Remember that little desk water bird thing you saw and played with for like five minutes before I could get you to come along with me?”

Clint grinned big and leaned over for a kiss. “So when I have an A.D.D. moment I can play with it?”

“Better than playing with yourself when I’m on a conference call!” Phil laughed happily. 

A blip of a siren distracted them and they saw the blue lights flashing behind them. Phil let out a hiss as he pulled over onto the shoulder of the road, cutting off the engine and holding the steering wheel with both hands. Clint tensed when he saw the officer get out of her cruiser and start over to them, coming up to his side to keep out of the traffic going by quickly. 

When she asked for the essentials, Phil gave everything to her; his mind shouting his annoyance. He hated getting pulled over, especially when he knew he didn’t do anything wrong. 

“Ran a stop sign back there on Richmond,” she told him, leaning against the open window frame. 

Clint quirked a brow at Phil; both knew undoubtedly that there was not a stop sign at the end of their block in the direction they came. 

“I came west off Richmond, there’s a stop sign on the east end only because there’s only a left turn going west.” Phil replied confused, going over the map of the area in his head. “Are you sure you’re not mistaken our car for another like it?”

She glared at him. “I think I would recognize two little faggots in a car and running a stop sign.”

Phil let out a growling breath, reaching for Clint’s hand to still him from swinging out at her. He would not be able to help Clint much if he punched a police officer. “Alright, I’m sorry ma’am, may I please just have my ticket so we can go?”

Clint almost smiled at Phil’s all too polite rudeness, having to wipe a hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t smile. He couldn’t help noticing that the officer’s eyes darted around the front seats as if she was looking for something to pin onto the fake allegations against Phil. 

After a few minutes, and an unfair ticket, they were allowed to continue their trek to the sporting goods store. Phil would just pay the ticket, it was only $100, and not try to contest it because he didn’t have undeniable proof that he didn’t do anything wrong.

At the store, Phil followed Clint around; this time he didn’t have to ask a salesperson for help. Clint would undoubtedly know more about bows and arrows than a basketball obsessed salesperson. It was fun watching Clint in his element, surrounded by his favorite hobby. Clint couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he went on and on about all the different styles of bows. Phil enjoyed getting to share something so special with him. 

It took nearly an hour for Clint to settle on one set that would be easy for a beginner, but still powerful enough to have some effort put forward. They paid and returned to the car to leave; Clint still squirming giddy and excited about his new bow waiting at home for him. 

Phil couldn’t wait for his first lesson with Clint, knowing they would both just enjoy it and have fun together. 

Safely back home, but now too dark outside to use the targets, Clint brought his new bow and quiver inside to inspect them again. When he walked back into the den, he saw Phil setting up the chocolate fondue pot and that he had a few foods to dip. Clint couldn’t stop the smile on his face from going goofball as he settled beside Phil to wait for the chocolate to melt. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the bow in his hands, holding the quiver in his lap and tucked safely under his left thigh. 

Phil was busy setting up his own bow while they waited, getting himself familiar with it in his hand at the same time. He was almost positive Clint would wake up at the first ray of sunlight that crept over the city so he could go outside and work in the range. 

“Ooh, you know what we should do?” Clint asked, now polishing the arrowheads carefully. He always liked shining them bright. 

“What’s that?” he replied grinning. 

Clint leaned over and stole another kiss. “We should build a shelter so we can have an indoor range for when it rains and stuff. That way we can practice every day, which is the only real way to do this right. I’ve never understood why most places only have one day a week lessons for barely an hour and charge out the ass.”

Phil stopped him with a peck to his nose. “That’s a great idea, and something else we can do together so we can both enjoy it and spend the time together.”

The ring caught Clint’s eye again, his smile growing still; almost painful because he was smiling so much tonight. 

When the scent of melted chocolate filled the den, they put away the bows and moved to sit in the floor; they didn’t want a chocolatey mess everywhere. Phil tucked Clint between his knees and held onto him tight as he picked up the remote to find something to watch while they enjoyed their desserts and each other’s comforting company. 

################################################################

Hours later they laid in bed together, their clothes littering a trail from the top of the stairs to the bedroom. Clint laid with his head on the middle of Phil’s chest, his fingers stroking through his chest hair slowly. Phil didn’t always understand Clint’s fascination with it. But he knew the sensation of Clint’s hand on him moving in a slow, lazy pattern calmed him. 

His own fingers trailed little swirls on Clint’s shoulder, matching the movements Clint made. 

They were both happier with each other every day that came and went. They both continued to help each other through their grief, knowing they could still grieve for their wives without fear of jealousy. 

Neither could wait to tell their friends about being engaged now, not aware of the bet everyone made about them getting married. They were a little nervous about how the girls would react though, but hoped they would both react good and enjoy the fact that they would gain a sister with each other. 

Lucky perked from his spot in the doorway, hearing a rumble of thunder off in the distance, barking a warning for Clint. Phil roused out of his thoughts and looked over at Lucky as the dog stood and came over to get up onto the bed. He reached over when Lucky settled behind Clint and laid his head on Clint’s side. 

Lucky nudged Clint, stirring him, and got Clint to move his arm around him. He gave a little bit of a whine when another rumble came, this time audible to Phil though it was still a little way off of them for the moment. 

Clint reached and prodded Lucky to lie between him and Phil, he was sometimes afraid of storms; especially when he could feel one approaching before it started to rain outside. 

Phil held Clint and Lucky, his free hand soothing over Lucky slowly. 

Neither worried about the girls across town with Steve; they knew he would keep them both safe and take care of them if either got scared. They knew they could trust Steve with their girls undoubtedly. 

They just weren’t aware that Steve had his own weekend visitor. Steve tended to keep his dating life a little more private than the others in their group of friends. He knew if they found out who he was sleeping with, everyone would be furious with him and there was a strong possibility that Phil would probably fight him physically.


	25. Chapter 25

Clint’s first time back to Ryker’s after Natasha’s death was almost too difficult for him to handle. But, it was such a special place for him and he felt safe there. Phil of course came along with him, they were basically inseparable since getting engaged. 

They went to their usual table, tucking beside each other on the same side of the table instead of across from each other like they usually sat. Clint put his feet up in the seat across the table as he snugged to Phil, the comforting aroma of the food surrounding him again calming his worries. 

Daisy came up to them first, but they could tell her smile was forced and that some things had changed around the diner, setting two menus down on the table. 

“What’s up, Stepford Wife?” Phil teased playfully, smiling at her. 

Daisy chuckled through her teeth, cutting her eyes pointedly toward the man behind the diner bar. “He’s the new owner, such a dick,” she said, again through her teeth so she wouldn’t lose the forced smile. “We’re not allowed to get caught talking to the customers anymore. Please, shoot him for me. My fucking face hurts from smiling so goddamn much.”

Phil peeked over at the new owner, seeing him eyeing Daisy and writing something down. Daisy gave him an almost helpless look as she stepped away to do another round. She didn’t want to get written up again for staying too long at one table. After she stepped away, the new owner came up to the table; immediately irritating Phil with his grin. 

“How are you finding everything?” 

Phil eyed him for a moment, his mind going over a few quick defense moves he could make if he had to physically fight the man. “Well, aside from the obvious lack of how friendly and welcoming the service used to be; it’s good. I mean, usually the girls would come visit with the customers and chat for a minute; but now they all look like droids rolling around on skateboards being pulled by rope.”

 

The man shrugged. “I haven’t had any complaints yet. It’s bad for business for the service to be chummy with the customers.”

“Actually, that’s what brought so many people coming back here,” Clint put in, watching Jemma across the dining room. It was obvious to him that none of the girls liked working there now and all of them despised the new owner. “Friendly service gets repeat business.”

He looked Clint over with a kind of snide sneer in his eyes. 

Phil took Clint’s hand and stood, tugging Clint with him. “I think we’ll go somewhere else,” he said with a shrug. “We’re not gonna pay you just to watch you make the girls miserable.”

They started for the door, but Phil stopped again. “Any of you wanna quit here, I’ll put in good recommendation for you down with Nick or Melinda; they’re always needing more help and the pay is probably better than what you’re getting now.”

As they went outside, the door opened again. When they turned and saw Jemma coming out with her purse and coat, Clint laughed. A moment later, Darcy and Daisy followed; along with the newest waitress. She looked to just be in high school, but Phil knew he could get her a job as well. She got into Darcy’s car with her. 

Phil and Clint got into their car and pulled away from the lot to leave and find somewhere else to get lunch. Phil would tell Nick and Melinda to most likely expect the girls to come in and request applications. 

They would probably start in the mail room or similar, but at least they wouldn’t be working under that dreadful man anymore. 

The two decided on getting something from a food truck, it was easy and somewhat fast, Phil popped open the trunk so they could sit on the edge while they ate and enjoy the weather. 

“So, how do you think they’ll all react when we tell them?” Clint asked, smiling at Phil. 

He shrugged and shook his head, reaching for his soda. “Well,” he sighed, taking a sip. “I’m pretty sure they won’t react negative and they’ll all be mostly happy. Nick will give me that look he does when he’s happy but doesn’t want to let it show obviously so he’ll just look annoyed. Girls will probably spazz worse than ours did.”

Clint laughed and shook his head. “Ears still ringing from Nattie screaming so loud?”

Phil snorted, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “No, but they did for a good four hours after. You’re lucky you’re able to turn your ears down; she was like a banshee.”

Clint leaned over and kissed Phil again, his smile growing. “So, can we do a long engagement; at least a year; so we can enjoy this part of everything?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think a long engagement would be a good idea this time around; for both of us really. Last time, I know you only waited what; a week after you asked? Me and Audrey waited a couple months before we went to the courthouse. Didn’t even tell our families what we were doing.”

“How’d you get witnesses without telling anyone?”

Phil grinned at him. “I paid a couple homeless people twenty bucks each.” His smile grew when Clint laughed loud, knowing he wasn’t serious. “Nah, they provided a couple official workers to sign the papers. It was actually really easy.”

Clint sighed thoughtfully as he looked out over the area, unconsciously reaching for Phil’s hand again; feeling his mind calming with the contact. 

“A part of me wants to have something kinda big and special to do, but another part tells me no ‘cause it’s the second time going and that if I wanted something like fancy or something like that I shoulda done it the first time.”

Phil shook his head. “Well, don’t listen to that asshole. We’ll make it slightly extravagant, but at the same time a little subdued; during the ceremony at least. That would be the appropriate thing to do and ceremonies go by so fast you won’t have time to get bored so you can’t go stripping down in front of everyone. Don’t need everyone seeing that ass of yours and get jealous they can’t have it.”

“I’ve always heard that the reception is where all the fun is actually.”

He nodded. “You should’ve seen Nick and Mel; oh my God that was so much fun. Nick put up this like wire obstacle coarse leading from where you walk in to the dance floor, like how movies use those armed laser grids. Most of us had already been drinking at the happy hour thing right after the ceremony so we were all on our way to being drunk. I’m the only one who made it through without getting tangled up.”

“Dude!” Clint exclaimed, an idea popping into his head and instantly fascinating him. “We should plan for around an October, have a haunted house/cocktail hour thing. That would be so much fun, get everyone drinking and loosened up before scaring the shit outta them. Goddamn that would be so much fun to do.”

Phil chuckled. “Yeah, we can do that. Just gotta make sure it’s an open bar ‘cause that’ll make everyone happy and keep people from overdrinking and trying to sneak and cause hell.”

Clint leaned over for another kiss, smiling happily. Phil obliged him, a smile on his face as well, again glad to have someone in his life he could love and receive love from. 

After their quick lunch, they returned to work. Phil sent a note to Nick, telling him what happened and to expect at least a couple girls to come in for applications in the next few days. 

Curious about the man now owning Ryker’s, Phil looked up the legal information on the deed to the diner and found the man’s name. He did a background check on the man and the information he found, his horrified yell brought Clint and one of the girls from the mail room running. 

“He’s on the sex offender registry.” Phil told Clint, his eyes wide. 

Clint came over confused, but was terrified when he saw the man’s mugshot and prison information on the screen. “And he had that one girl working for him!” Clint put in surprised. “Holy shit, Phil.”

He nodded and reached for his phone, calling Darcy’s cell; the first number that popped into his head in his frazzled state. Clint let out a breath and took Phil’s packages from Miranda so she could continue on with her tasks, hoping Phil could get something done about that disgusting thing having a minor working for him. He wanted to find out where she lived so he could go check on her, worried about her now that he knew the truth about the pig. 

When Phil got off the phone with Darcy, he let out a sigh and rubbed his hand down his face. “Okay,” he said, leaning back in his chair and holding his chin in his hand. “So, were you aware that Nat had it set up that you’d get the diner in the event that something happened to her and she was unable to run it?”

Clint shook his head, frowning. Phil nodded slightly. “Well, good thing is legally you can claim it still ‘cause it’s not been a year yet. I can make a call to his whoever he has to call and check in with and tell them he’s been employing a minor and he’s gonna get in a lot of trouble for it, too.”

Clint frowned slightly, fidgeting as he sat down in his usual little chair. “I dunno if I can run it honestly,” he replied, tapping the arm of the chair nervously. “I mean, it’s so full of Nat there and she was like my sister. I dunno if I’m ready for that.”

Phil nodded, lifting an arm and beckoning Clint to him when he saw the pain and heartbreak in his eyes. Clint came over and tucked into Phil’s arms, sighing to slow his rambling mind again. 

“Maybe if I had help with it. Like get a manager in there or something and just focus on the books and stuff.”

Phil shrugged, rubbing Clint’s side slowly. “Maybe Bucky, or one of the guys could help out there.”

Clint nodded absent minded, his thoughts on the minor that left with the girls. 

Phil sighed as he read more, his hammering heart calming a little bit as he read into the charges. Apparently, the man got drunk and urinated in a public playground; after dark, but following laws he had to be put on the registry still. 

“Okay, frazzle isn’t so bad now; he just pissed in the park after closing and got caught. He didn’t actually attack anyone,” he told Clint, feeling a little better; but still disturbed that the had a minor working for him. 

Clint calmed with a sigh, nodding. “Okay, that I can excuse; I’ve pissed out in public too, but I found an alley to hide in ‘cause cops were everywhere and I had to go bad.”

Phil was just relieved that the man hadn’t hurt anyone; but he still wanted to talk to Clint about taking over ownership of Ryker’s. They could find someone to act as standing manager and watch the diner for them. They would talk about it more later, after getting the girls in bed for the night and Clint could relax and be able to talk about it without getting upset. 

 

################################################################

 

After work, neither wanting to bother cooking dinner, they decided to go easy and take the girls to McDonald’s; Phil went a little out of their way to the one that still had the Play Place so the girls could run off some energy and get sleepy easier. 

Thankfully the play area wasn’t full of children so they didn’t have to worry about the girls getting hurt running around with the other children. Phil had to adjust Janie’s hearing aids, the echo was horrible in the play area, but knew that Natalie would get her attention and tell her when they were being called for. 

Phil and Clint watched their girls playing happily, noticing another little girl had honed in and was following to play with them. She wasn’t older than three and waddled after them laughing and squealing. Neither could help smiling when they saw both girls helping the little toddler down the slide into the ball pit below. 

They watched the three girls play for almost two hours before it was time to leave. Clint expected the little girl to be a little upset when they were getting the girls shoes back on and couldn’t keep from scooping her up when she waddled over to him and gave him a tearful pout. 

Phil looked around for her family, then noticed they had been in there so long that the other kids and parents had all left. Frowning worriedly, he went into the dining room to see if her parents were in there and just decided their daughter was alright playing with the girls and him and Clint watching over her. 

“I’m sorry to disturb everyone, we’re looking for this little girl’s parents,” he told the few patrons sitting around. 

A couple heads turned, but none of them seemed to recognize her as Clint worked to calm her down as she cried on his shoulder in the play room. 

“Wasn’t there a man in there earlier with her?” one man spoke up curious. He was an elderly man, obviously somebody’s grandfather. “Short little guy, white but looked like one of those rappers.”

Phil bit back a laugh at the description. “I’ll check the restrooms,” he snicked as he crossed the dining room. As he stepped into the restroom, he saw a young man; no older than twenty; lying unconscious on the floor. He turned and yelled down the hall for staff to call for an ambulance then hurried to check the man over to see if he was breathing. 

Clint heard the call and passed the still crying toddler to a lady he had been talking to about her then ran to assist Phil. The woman gathered Natalie and Janie in her booth with her son to tend to them so they wouldn’t get scared without their fathers. The elderly gentleman stood and pulled a chair over to her table to sit with her and the children, knowing little children wouldn’t understand what was going on in a panic. 

First responders arrived quickly and took over in the restroom. Phil and Clint went back to be with the girls while they waited for police, knowing Phil would be questioned because he found the body. Phil sat down and scooped Janie up, hugging her tight as Clint cuddled Natalie and the other little girl. She only stopped crying for him. 

Phil was a little frazzled as he spoke with an officer, but having Clint in his line of sight helped keep his mind from overwhelming him. Clint was talking with another officer about the little girl. The deceased man was her non-custodial father, he unlawfully abducted her after murdering her mother in Nevada. He then drove across country with her. 

He died of an overdose of cocaine and heroin. 

The other patrons were questioned as well, but nobody fully remembered the man or seeing him go into the bathroom. 

Once home, the girls were put to bed after a quick bath. Phil took Clint downstairs and plunked his stash box in his lap when they sat together on the couch. 

“I suck at rolling,” he told Clint tiredly, his head back against the couch cushion. 

Clint chuckled, stifling a yawn as he got to work carefully. “Always looks like a pregnant baseball bat.” He laughed and squirmed when Phil flicked his ear playfully, then leaned in for a kiss. 

When Clint finished, he put the box on the coffee table and picked up a lighter before tucking into Phil’s side with the blanket off the back of the couch draped around them. Phil put on a movie they could enjoy while they wound down from the stresses of the day. But, he knew Clint was still worried about that baby girl. She would go to foster care if police couldn’t get her back to family and he knew that was something Clint was terrified to think about, even now after all the years he’d been away from the system. 

He would sneak a meeting with Nick and Melinda; knowing they would surely try to help the baby out any way they could. They would definitely try to adopt her if they could, they were both struggling with Nick’s infertility issues and they wanted a child. Nick would probably agree without even consulting Melinda first, having too much of a tender heart to see a child go through all that hell and be alone.


	26. Chapter 26

Februrary turned into March, bringing along Clint’s most despised holiday. He could not stand St. Patrick’s Day or any of the usual drunken celebrations. Sure, he could enjoy a beer here and there, but he’d only been drunk once; when he was barely thirteen. The Bearded Lady at the circus got him and Barney both blackout drunk. He got so sick the next morning and felt like such hell, he swore to himself that he would never get drunk ever again. And so far, he hadn’t. He got tipsy but he set a hard limit for himself with alcohol and refused to go over it no matter where he was or anything. He ignored the ribbing from other people, dogging him for not wanting to get shitfaced with them. 

But, one good thing about March; Natalie’s birthday. Clint usually went all out for her, but stopped inviting her entire class when she was in preschool and nobody bothered to RSVP or show up. He let her invite a few classmates in Kindergarten, but that time only one little boy showed up to have fun. So now he was planning something small, just between their little family and the group of friends. 

Melinda got her sister to let her take her nieces for Natalie’s birthday, they all made slight friends at Christmas and hoped all the girls would have fun together. Darcy brought her neighbor’s son after agreeing to babysit him for the day. 

Everyone just wanted Natalie to have a fun birthday and have a chance to play and make friends. They all knew that she and Janie didn’t have any at school this year. Clint was glad that he had a group of adults who were so caring and who wouldn’t mistreat his baby girl. He knew he could trust any of them to watch her for him if he needed a sitter for anything. 

They agreed to again use Darcy’s house for the party, the kids would have plenty of room to play and the adults could lounge around and visit. Clint was surprised when Tony requested that he take care of the cake, but agreed when Steve told him it would be alright to let him. 

He just didn’t expect a life-sized Disney Princess Jasmine cake; using Natalie’s favorite Disney movie. He laughed initially, but a part of him hoped that the extravagant cake didn’t get Natalie accustomed to fancy and expensive tastes. He would never be able to afford anything like that on his own. 

While Natalie opened gifts, again Clint cringing at the amount the others bought, Phil held a little video camera and recorded the festivities. Natalie sat in Clint’s lap, tearing into the gifts happily. She was excited about each one, but she was hoping for one specific gift out of all of them. 

The more gifts she opened and not finding the one she wanted most, the more discouraged she got. She stacked the gifts from everyone beside her, remembering to thank each giver without having to be prompted by Clint; for which he was proud because she was always great with manners. 

Clint couldn’t help smiling when he pulled over the last gift, the one from him that he was most excited to give to her. It was a bit smaller than most gifts she received from everyone, but he was positive she would love it. 

Everyone cringed when she tore into the paper and almost screamed when she saw the little stuffed dog. It was the toy she wanted most and kept pointing it out at the store to Clint any time they went. Clint leaned back away from the noise directly in his ears, laughing, and muffled her with a hand over her mouth as she squirmed and screeched in his lap. He peeked over at Janie, concerned about her with the sudden noise and saw that Nick had his hands over her ears to help her muffle the noise. 

“Okay, Screech Demon; calm down,” he laughed, stilling her. He was surprised at the speed that Natalie had the dog out of the box and grunted when she turned suddenly and knocked him back with a hug; too excited and happy about her gift. He sat up with a groan, his arm wrapped around her so she wouldn’t fall backward, laughing as she squirmed and squeaked. 

Again, she surprised him with a kiss then she grabbed up a few toys to play with the other kids; leading them all running off excitedly. Clint just shook his head at the retreating children, smiling, as he began picking up the shredded gift wrap. 

“How does she get so excited for just one toy?” Daisy laughed as she pulled a trash bag over to help him. 

He shrugged and shook his head. “Well, I never can afford to get her a whole lot; so, I ask her what’s the one toy she wants more than all the others and try my best to get that one for her. The rest is usually clothes ‘cause she’s growing so friggin fast. I mean, I wanna get her all the popular stuff like the other kids get; but I just don’t make enough. She understands though and doesn’t always get upset. She knows I’m doing the best I can for her.”

He didn’t notice the silent conversation going on between Phil and Nick behind him. 

“Won’t find many children these days who are like that. Most of them are spoiled little shitheads. Makes me not want any ‘cause there’s so much expected from parents to be perfect now.” 

“Yeah, kids are so coddled now; it’s stupid.” He gave a slight yelp when Phil wrapped his legs around Clint’s middle and tugged him backward between his knees, but laugh as Phil hugged his arms around him and kissed his neck. 

Phil held Clint happily, just having the sudden urge to hug onto him. He smiled as Clint laid his head in the crook of his arm and hugged his shin happily; giving him another kiss. 

Their group of friends were glad that they had each other now; knowing both needed someone to love so they could heal and be happy again. Nick was personally glad that he listened to Phil about promoting Clint up in the ranks at work. If he and Phil didn’t go back as far as they did, both meeting in the Army as scrunts; so they were called by their commanding officer; he most likely would have brushed off the suggestion and chosen someone else.

Another camera flash interrupted them. Phil snorted and rolled his eyes, knowing Nick snuck yet another picture of them; he was always just randomly blinding them with his camera. This time Clint manage to get his finger up as soon as the shutter clicked again, cringing away from the bright light. 

“I’m gonna take that damn thing away from you!” Phil laughed at Nick, nudging him with his knee. 

Nick shrugged. “It’s for your wedding album or one of those corny lovers’ projector things for the wedding; like how they show all those lovey dovey pictures of the oh so happy couple.”

Phil rolled his eyes and shook his head, kissing Clint’s temple again. Like they figured, their friends were all ecstatic about their engagement; surprised about the bet but when Daisy was declared winner, they figured she would be the one that was closest and win. 

They could all see how much happier Phil and Clint were together, the pain and heartache that was so heavy in their eyes before clearing slowly now. They all knew how much Clint was saving Phil from suicide and they were deeply grateful that he came into Phil’s life. 

A few hours later the party wound down and everyone got ready to leave. It took Clint, Phil, and Bucky to get Natalie’s gifts into the trunk; having to take most of them out of the boxes to get everything to fit. Clint hoped he could sneak all the glitter from the craft set away without Natalie noticing; she always made an enormous mess no matter how hard she tried to be careful with it. He didn’t want to fight the carpet with the vacuum trying to get it cleaned up. 

He knew Tony didn’t buy the craft set intending for a battle with the horrible glitter, he wasn’t a parent so he didn’t know the horrors. 

They loaded the girls next, both were almost asleep before they were even buckled into their seats. The girls played hard with the other children and exhausted themselves. Clint and Phil were relieved, the girls would be a little easier to get into bed later now. A little cat nap on the way home would refresh them just enough to get through the rest of the day. 

Getting home was quick, Phil knew a few short cuts to avoid the drunk traffic in the middle of town. Once the girls were a little more awake from their short naps in the car, they took off to play while Clint and Phil took Natalie’s gifts up to the bedroom. While they were setting everything up and taking off the rest of the packaging, they were startled to hear both girls almost screaming downstairs. Natalie was loudest, making them afraid she was hurt. Clint nearly fell as he jumped the banister to get to her; finding the girls in the den. 

He stumbled to a stop, losing his breath when he saw both girls up on the couch; Natalie crying hysterically and Janie covering her ears from the noise. White cotton stuffing strewn everywhere with little pieces of the stuffed dog. 

He instantly was filled with rage when he saw Maisy tearing into Natalie’s toy viciously; unable to make a move to stop her. Phil got past him and yelled at the dog furious; yanking the shredded remains of the toy away from her before grabbing her collar and almost tossing her out to the back yard. He didn’t even care that he shoved her hard enough she caught a little air and slid off the porch. 

He sighed as he looked at the toy in his hand, knowing he would never be able to fix it. “Goddamn dog,” he grumbled, putting it in the trashcan before going back to the den. He saw Natalie up in Clint’s arms, still in hysterics as he tried to soothe her enough to stop almost screaming. 

Phil stepped up behind Clint so Natalie would see him and hugged his arms around the two as tight as he could hold; kissing her little face to get her attention as he reached up to wipe away her tears. Clint let out a quiet sigh when she started to quiet down. 

“Stay here with Daddy and I’ll go to the store and buy another puppy, alright?” he soothed. Clint tried to decline, but Phil stopped him with a kiss. “No, I’m gonna do it ‘cause that was the one thing she wanted more than all the other gifts. It was her favorite one she got.”

Clint sighed at him but couldn’t stop him from leaving the house. He was unnaturally tempted to vent his anger on Maisy but knew he couldn’t. She was just a dog and didn’t really know any better; though he felt she should have been trained not to rip into toys. He knew his anger was just because he spent so much on the toy for Natalie, just to have it not even last five minutes at home. 

He sat down with Natalie in his lap still crying, snugging an arm around Janie when she scooted over to him upset at Maisy as well. He easily ignored Maisy barking to be let back inside, calling Lucky away from the back door so she wouldn’t see him. 

An hour later Phil returned with a new stuffed dog and take out lunch for everyone. He wasn’t surprised to still see the cotton stuffing in the floor; but knew that Natalie would be to upset for Clint to be able to let go of her so he could clean the mess. He wasn’t worried about that; just wanting Natalie to feel better and have the toy she loved most back. 

He knew it was her favorite because it had come from her Daddy. 

He set the food down on the coffee table as he sat on it, Clint nudged Natalie and turned her to see him; revealing her too red and puffy eyes. It broke Phil’s heart instantly. He eased the dog into her arms as he leaned to her, nuzzling her and giving her temple a light kiss as he caressed her face to wipe away tears.

Natalie sniffled and hid her face against the dog and Clint’s chest, clinging to the toy tight. 

“I swear I could just strangle that mutt right now,” Phil sighed, shaking his head disappointed. “Damn dog, she’s never done that before.”

Clint shook his head, his fingers raking through Natalie’s hair. “So quick too. I can’t friggin believe it. It was like she was waiting or some shit.”

Phil sighed and shrugged, reaching to set up the food. Clint eased Natalie down to sit so she could eat, nudging some of the cotton away with his foot. Phil moved to sit beside him when Janie got in the floor, trying to ignore Maisy still whining and barking outside. He was too irritated to deal with her right now or feel bad that he was a little too rough with her. He needed a chance to calm down before he went to check on her.


	27. Chapter 27

Phil woke hearing the dogs barking in the hallway and groaned as he turned to look at the clock. It was after midnight; the dogs shouldn’t be nosing around the house at that hour. He nudged Clint awake, signing for him to put in his hearing aids and follow him. 

Clint frowned when he could hear the dogs and followed Phil out to see what was wrong; a little more concerned when he noticed the hard baseball bat in Phil’s hand. He got ready to fight, just in case there was an intruder. 

They looked in on the girls and saw them sleeping peacefully still then went downstairs, keeping their footfalls quiet as they could. Clint followed Phil’s footsteps over the creaky spots in the floorboards, edging along the wall toward the den. They paused hearing something knock over in the den.

Phil stopped just outside the den, signing again to Clint; telling him to go for the intruder’s legs. He would go for the head with the bat. Clint nodded and got into a crouch to spring. Phil shot into the den, bat ready to fly, but didn’t find anyone breaking in and stealing their stuff. He was a little startled when Clint sprang, side stepping Clint’s roll and kick so he wasn’t knocked down. 

Clint grunted as he landed sprawled on his back, surprised that he didn’t hit anyone. 

Phil almost laughed at him, but it was lost in a startled, muffled yell when an animal screeched and ran across Clint’s chest to get out of the den. Phil turned to follow it, almost getting knocked down as Lucky came running to give chase; barking loud. Clint grunted as he hefted to his feet and stood to follow stunned. 

Phil followed the screeching and barking animals to the kitchen, seeing Lucky chasing the wild raccoon madly. Clint ran in, now armed with his bow; an arrow ready to fly, as Phil gave chase to the animals. He stopped and dropped his guard when he saw Phil helplessly chasing the raccoon and Lucky trying to get the scared creature. 

He set his bow on the table and went to get a towel from the downstairs linen closet. He had plenty of experience catching frantic wild creatures. He came back and stood ready by the breakfast bar, towel spread, as the three started toward him. When the raccoon got close, he reached and snatched it up in the towel quickly, wrapping and twisting the towel so he wouldn’t get bit and he could take the raccoon back outside. 

Phil stopped, thankful that Clint caught the animal so quick, panting breathless from the chase. He leaned against the counter to catch his breath. Clint released the raccoon and came back inside, having to fight Lucky back as he continued to try to get the raccoon. 

“Well that was fun,” he said sarcastically as he put the towel on the bar. He looked back at the sliding glass door leading to the back yard, wondering how the raccoon got inside in the first place. He didn’t see any part of the door broken though. 

Phil sat up when he caught his breath and sighed, wiping sweat off his face with his t-shirt. Clint grinned at the quick flash of Phil’s abdomen, his hands almost itching for a feel. “There’s a place in the attic, I keep boarding it up but I guess I don’t know what I’m doing ‘cause wild animals keep getting in every few months.”

“What do you use?” Clint asked as they started back upstairs to their bedroom. 

He sighed and shook his head. “I read somewhere that that sticky cling wrap stuff is an irritant to animals so I figured I’d give it a try since it’s waterproof, too.”

Clint stopped stunned, looking up at Phil like he’d grown another head. “Plastic wrap, to keep out animals with teeth and claws,” he said, head tilted amused. Phil just shrugged as he got back in bed. “Philip J, that’s not gonna keep out anything but maybe a little bit of water. You need boards and probably new shingles.”

Phil chuckled weakly, snugging Clint to him again. “You haven’t learned that I’m not exactly a handy man around the house?”

He smiled and kissed Phil. “Well, you’re lucky you snagged me. I’ll look at it in the morning and fix it up.” He took out his hearing aids and laid down with his head in the middle of Phil’s chest, still snickering. “Cling wrap, seriously,” he huffed a quiet laugh. 

Phil rolled his eyes, grinning, and flicked Clint’s ear playfully as they snugged and got ready to go back to sleep. 

################################################################

They woke again a little after eight AM when the girls came running into their room; both almost too hyper for so early on a Saturday. Clint cooked a quick breakfast for everyone before going up to the attic to inspect the hole in the roof; again laughing when he saw the shredded cling wrap that the raccoon broke into the house through. 

“I love you, Phil, but Jesus H dude,” he said to himself, amused. 

“Heard that!” Phil called up to him as he passed the attic door, following Janie to help her get dressed after a bath. 

Clint laughed and went back down out of the attic to look for the tools and supplies he needed. “You realize I’m gonna tease you forever for this, right?” he joked as he passed the girls’ bedroom. Phil smiled, rolling his eyes, and shook his head. 

He went out to the shed and looked around for a hammer, nails, and any kind of wood he could easily cut and use. He found a hoard of random tools but nothing that he actually needed; and the only wood he saw was a flat, broken piece of weak ply wood. 

“Oh my God, Phil!” he laughed. He shook his head as he put the tools back in the tackle box Phil used as a poor tool box, and went back inside to get dressed. He had to go to the hardware store and get the tools he needed. 

Phil came in as Clint was dressing. “Goin’ somewhere?”

“You don’t even have a hammer,” Clint told him, smiling. “I can understand nails, those go quick, but how do you not have a hammer at least?”

He shrugged, leaning in the doorway and watching Clint as he got naked. He couldn’t help grinning; Clint had an amazingly toned ass and Phil liked to stare. 

“I think, a long time ago, I loaned a bunch of tools to a neighbor and they moved without returning anything.”

Clint stepped up to him when he was dressed, stealing a kiss, then went past him to get the car keys downstairs. Again, Phil stared at Clint’s ass in the snug jeans; smiling a little bit as he turned to get dressed.

################################################################

At the hardware store, Clint roamed around getting some essential tools and a few extra he figured would eventually come in handy; and he just wanted a chainsaw for fun. Either way, it could help them when they built their archery shed. He couldn’t resist getting a couple hatchets, always having fun playing with them when he got bored while in the circus. He could possibly show off his throwing skills with them as well. 

As he turned out of an aisle, he spotted Steve roaming with a full cart and stopped to visit with him; smiling. “Building something good?”

Steve stopped, looking almost bashful; blushing quickly. “Uh, yeah,” he replied, looking around like he was expecting someone else to come up. “What’s up?”

Clint shrugged, quirking a curious brow at him. He looked awfully nervous for a guy in a hardware store. “Oh, I just gotta repair a hole in the roof; friggin raccoon got in last night. Phil didn’t have a very good patch up job so I’m gonna fix it up so they can’t keep getting in and tearing shit up. What’cha building?”

Steve looked around again, almost nervous when his tagalong came up toward him. He didn’t want anyone knowing he and Pepper were having a secret affair behind Tony’s back. Clint of course saw her. She came up, not noticing Clint, and put a few packs of screwdrivers in Steve’s cart; pecking his cheek. He tried to pull back and make her aware of Clint, but she ignored him until Clint spoke up. 

“Okay, wow, what the fuck dude?” 

Pepper turned to him startled, her eyes wide. She stammered for a minute before she scurried away embarrassed. Steve sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, and looked at Clint again pathetically. 

“Is there any way I can convince you not to tell Tony about this?”

Clint scoffed, turning his cart to leave. “Well fuck no there’s not!” he spat angrily. “The fuck you doing with her like that? She’s engaged to one of your closest fucking friends, Steve! The fuck’s wrong with you?!” 

He huffed as he stomped away, digging his phone out. Steve followed him quickly, abandoning his cart. Panicked, he reached out and knocked into Clint with his fist to his temple to knock his phone out of his hand. Clint turned on him stunned and let his fist fly hard in defense, clocking Steve’s chin as hard as he could. Steve’s chin was almost rock solid though and he felt a few bones fracture as Steve stumbled backward. He snatched up the hammer in his cart and sprang on Steve viciously. 

The two tumbled and fought in the floor, Clint getting the upper hand with the hammer against the bulk of Steve. He was barely aware that Steve’s punches broke his hearing aids; the force of the blows damaging his ears even more. 

Finally, a few customers and employees were able to separate them. Clint was disarmed and dragged toward the front of the store as the other group took Steve another way to keep them separated. Clint was slammed onto a bench and a huge guy held him down, he glared at them angrily, but couldn’t hear anything they were shouting at him. 

That worried him because without his hearing aids he could hear at least partially if the noise was loud enough; he usually could hear some if someone was screaming in his face like the man was currently.

“You know what, I’m fucking deaf; totally. I can’t hear a goddamn thing you’re saying, asshole,” he spat as he shoved at the guy, barely budging him backward. “Get off’a me.”

He sat hunched over himself, stewing furiously at Steve. He would definitely let Tony know Pepper was cheating on him the first chance he got. He did not react kindly to cheaters, especially when they claimed to be a friend of the partner getting screwed over. 

The next thing Clint knew, he was being hauled up to his feet by a police officer and getting cuffed. Great, he was getting arrested for fighting a cheating asshole. He sighed annoyed, but didn’t have the energy to argue. He went willingly after telling the arresting officer about being deaf and unable to hear anything. He assumed they would have someone who could sign to him as he spoke with an officer about what happened. At least, he hoped they would. It would be incredibly difficult without an interpreter. 

At the police station, he was processed and booked; barely aware that Steve was in the same position. Steve had a few facial abrasions and his nose was broke from a blow with the hammer. Clint was sure he would get a heavy assault charge put on his head. Luckily Clint was supplied with someone who could sign for him to be able to speak with the officer, he was too tired and angry to try and lip read right now. 

Without being able to hear, he couldn’t call Phil. But, an officer made the call for him as he was put in a waiting cell. He had to resist the urge to attack Steve again when he was put in with him, pulling his legs up to his chest to curl up in the corner of the cell. He chose to just glare furious at Steve, cracking his knuckles to ease the stiff feeling out of his fingers. 

He was furious and couldn’t wait to get ahold of Tony.


End file.
